problem is that owner of fief has life and can not follow his fief 24 7
You keep saying that but it doesn't matter
Serr said that you ran out of ranged weapons and ladders after 30min. You had 18k? troops before the attack, why would you have so little ranged weapons? You should have had enough to last at least 3 attacks. You could have sorted this out anytime in the last few months where you have been moving troops to your castles whilst trying to defend of Greys, Wolves, Balde, etc. This is the only castles which hasn't been contested so far.
Also Apostates have 97 members, 9 of which listed as leaders. I don't know the rank at which you can control roster and P flags but there will be a lot more members than just the fief owner to sort that out (it doesn't take someone with a lot of experience to defend a castle). At first site of mass attacks against your faction I would have upped the ranking of every active member to where they can control roster and P flags.
Your AFK, busy, have a life.... excuse would only be valid if you where talking about being weapon bugged and not having the time to sort your inventory after the first couple attacks.
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Congratulations Wolves on a great victory! The North is yours
(along with some small friendly factions)