Wow, just wow. You were the first person to suggest attacking hospitallers and doing your absolute best to convince us to join you in your war on them, threatening to join them otherwise and likely attack us if we didnt ally with you against hospitallers who you hated so much.
Once again, your misinterpretation of my leadership and challenge towards it shows your clear insolence Kesh. I never threatened you with joining Hospitallers, I plainly stated without harshness behind it, "Look, we are either going to ally with Hospitallers, or ally with you guys. And I would prefer to ally with you." I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I'm playing some great individual, both sides would have their benefits and downsides. With Hospitallers, you inherit their enemies, you are now front-to-back with any bullet headed to them, and you're cuffed to the member who's mouth says the most. However, with that, you preserve honor with the fact that they are vastly outnumbered now, and gradually getting outdone (perhaps).
Now if we were to have sided with you (which I'm not going to sugarcoat, I would have much rather done back then), we would have a lot of great mercs, good standings, possibly some good simple-to-run trade routes, and learned a thing or two about throwing Diplomacy out the window and attacking instead. However, the downside would be, we'd be just like everyone else. We'd still be dogpiling Hospitaller, and we'd be getting a small slice of the glory cake after it was all over and when it was, we'd all hold hands until Strat 5 started and sing kumbaya and braid our beards.
You can make me out to be however you want Kesh, I know you don't like me because I call you like I see you. You can say I'm a bad diplomat, I can't argue that, it's an opinion. Early on your relations with Tugboat stemmed from the fact I sent him in my stead because I worked, or else you would have always, in every confrontation worked with myself or at least with both of us. Two-faced Diplomacy was something I didn't practice early on, I was always very straight forward and courteous when addressing you ten or so leaders, and I always laid out my cards for you to see. I made it clear what our intentions would be, and while it involved Ismirala Castle's ownership primarily, no card was left unturned as to what we wished to happen.
Also, in response to your edit, I don't think I've ever said we're giving up. Fairly certain I've said we'll go down fighting. Fallen reneged on one of the most saving factors and betrayed word they had already given, so our ultimate chance of driving you back home was thwarted. We'll muster what we can. But don't expect much.