CraZy Loooshus, CrPg Loom giveaway and essay contest. (17 loom points)

[Andy]

chadz,he wAs a GrEAt guy, but
hw wass assassin-
ated. Peeps wer sad, but they[/color]moved on in the enD.
The EnD.

[Tagora]

So like, if chadz wanted, to like, win this competition
and like
make art
he would like
assassinate himself

but that's like impossible without
like
breaking the universe

right?

[MrShine]

The scene is grisly.

It shouldn't have happened like this.  This isn't right, chadz didn't deserve it.  It wasn't his fault you see.
How can you justify an act like this? 

Blood is everywhere.

*you bend over, and pick up the note.  It is the color of eggshell, the dark-type ink crushed into the paper. 

(click to show/hide)

______________________________________________________________________
Dear chadz,

I would like to extend to you a request.  It is a simple request.  It is a simple request. 
I mean you no harm I mean you no harm your demise is not inevitable.  Your untimely demise is not necessarily timely.  Or untimely.
Why did you do it?  Why why why why.
It's not my fault, but the GRIND!  You can see how it can't be helped.
_____________________________________________________________________

*You pause, look up from the note, and survey the scene once more. 

This man is insane.

(click to show/hide)

_______________________________________________________________________
All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.
All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.
All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.

All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.
All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.
All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.

All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.
All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.
All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.

All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.

All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.

All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.

All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.

All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.

All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.

All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.

All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.

All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.

All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.

All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.

All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.

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All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.
All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.
All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.
All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.
All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.
All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.
All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.
All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.
All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.
All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.
All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.
All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.
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   All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.
   All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.
All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.
     All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.
     All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.
     All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.
     All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.
      All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.
  All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.
All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.

All All All All All All Allallallallalaallallallalalaala all all all.  All. ALL. all all aLL all
Grind Grind GRINDGRINDGRINDGRINDGRINDGRINDGRINDGRIND grind grind "grind"
andandandandandandandandanadnadnadnadnadnadnadnadandndnnnnnndaadddddnnnnnd
no no No. NO. NO! NONONONONONONONONONONO! NOOO. On! ONNO! NO O NO O o no no.[/size]
play
maaa-keekekekes makes MAKES makes ma a a k e s maaa keees makes makes. makes makes *makes MAKEs

s  t   r           a  t                                              stRAT        strAt STRAT  s t                  rat                  strat

aaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa a a a a a a a A a a A           A A A? A A         A 
DULL DULL DULL DULL DULL DULL DULL DULL DULL DULL DULL DULL DULL DULL DULL DULL DULL DULL DULL DULL DULL DULL DULL
boy

All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.


All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.


All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.

All grind and no play makes strat a dull game.

____________________________________________________________

Your heart rate elevates, but you can do nothing but pace.  The damage has been done...  it falls on you to pick up the pieces and do damage control.

*Your shaking hand drives deep into your pocket, clutching the phone and slowly, methodically bringing it to your face.  Your fingers dial the number by themselves while you stare straight ahead, looking at nothing in particular.

"McBriar?  chadz is dead.  Send a car to CMP's residence... who knows when this maniac is going to strike next"

[Nasturtium]

The Taste

(click to show/hide)

"Yes, my dearest," he whispered.  "Your lips are so-" He shuddered with pleasure, the lamb haunch in his meaty palm dripping grease onto his lover's hair.  "Soft," he finished, gently brushing the leg-of lamb with his own plump lips.  His other hand massaged the young man's thick dark hair, paunchy armflesh wobbling.

"Slower, boy."  The dark-haired youth at his legs paused and looked up briefly.

"Yes, my lord."  He returned to his work.  His voice, quiet, silk-smooth, every touch of breath further excitement for chadz.  A most excellent mouth overall, he decided.

Eager.  Eager was the right word.  An eager mouth.  He smiled, lounging back further into his mound of pillows, massive body sighing with bliss.

Oh, how they worship me, he mused.  I gave them a new life, and they gave me mine.  As he approached his crescendo, chadz bit off a mouthful of roast and reached for the wine goblet.  Taking a swig around the food, he savoured the meal as he savoured his peak.

Opening his eyes a few moments later, he watched as the young man finished up.  Such a loyal servant.  chadz drank deeply from his chalice, his entire rotund figure afire with pleasure.

The last drops trickled down his throat.  chadz grinned, imagining the boy experiencing the same sensation moments before.

His large form content beneath the yellow satin robes, chadz raised the goblet and shook it slightly.

“Bring me a cup from the finest cask.”

The boy wiped his mouth, nodded.  Gently, he took the chalice and hurried away.  Glancing at the lamb in his other hand, chadz shrugged.  There was always more.  He tossed the leg into the fire, watched it roar briefly, hissing and snapping.  The scent of roast engulfed the room.

chadz nodded off into a nap, alone in his pleasure room.  The supple pillows spread across the floor of the sunken room kept his immense weight off his muscles.  Two stone steps lined the walls.  One wall held the dying fire.  One held the stone door to the rest of his castle.  One was blank.  And one was bare but for the elegantly-embroidered tapestry, displaying a noble, powerful-looking equus africanus asinus.  It pleased him to see it, for some reason.

He awoke as the boy entered the room, heavy door grinding along the warm stone floor.

“What took so long, boy?”

The boy bowed, goblet clasped between his smooth hands.  “I was tracking down the correct vintage, my lord.”

“Fine.  Bring it here, boy.  I want to see if this was worth the wait.”  The boy handed chadz the wine and retreated a respectful step, his back to the dim hearth.

Before he raised it to his lips, chadz held the goblet to the dying flames.  It glinted, a vast golden cup carved exquisitely.  Four peasants, their arms thrust forwards above their heads, supported a vast hemisphere of the world, hollowed out and full of blood-red wine.  Upon each face was a unique expression of anguish and sorrow.  Their feet rested on a rough platform resembling a farmer's field, forming the base of the magnificent grail.

chadz frowned.  The peasants here were supporting his world, but he knew it was the opposite.  He gave them life.  Slightly upset, chadz decided to have the cup destroyed.  It was not befitting of his status to be seen drinking from the hands of commoners.

Yet, why waste a taste of wine, he mused.

He raised it to his lips slowly.

His servant shifted slightly, a small twitch in his neck, out of the corner of chadz' eye.  Foolish boy.  Too young to partake in wine, yet soon too old to partake in chadz.  A lowborn son of some insignificant scum who thought he was important because he owned a few farms, had a few serfs to order around.  Lucky for him, the boy was handsome, even beautiful.  An heir, had the child been noble.

The goblet edged closer and closer.

Heir, he scoffed to himself.  Now that was foolish.  To give a mere pleasure-pet his fortunes and fiefs, his power and people.

Still, though, the boy was involved in almost everything chadz did.  Come to think of it, the young, beautiful man before him could probably keep things running himself.  But the boy has no ambition, chadz reflected.  He gives his master a rise, but does not seek to raise himself, at least above waist-level.

The warm gold touched his lower lip.

To the side, the boy watched.  A glint in his eye.  What is that, chadz wondered.  Pleasure?  No, the boy had not partaken in this fine drink yet.  He would not know the feast of flavours contained in the cup.  Hunger?  The boy never eats.  But no, not that kind of hunger.

His lips parted.  The wine poured in, a trickle at first.

Desire, that was it.  A shadow's shadow of a smile upon those soft lips.  But why?  What did the boy desire?

Me, chadz thought slyly.

Tastes danced upon his tongue, tints of texture from every land.

Me, but not me, he suddenly realized.  This child - no, man, nearly - was equipped to run the realm.  He was firm but not harsh, quiet but cunning, soft but also tough.  A leader, chadz thought.  But what to lead?

As the last of the wine left the goblet, it dawned on him.  No submissive boy, but a subtle man.

No harmless toy, but a dangerous weapon.

He dropped the goblet as the muscles in his flabby arms seized up.  It rolled down a pillow and struck the stone steps in the sunken harem room.  The half-globe cracked.  Upon their faces, the carved peasants now seemed to wear smiles.

“I want everything,” the boy said quietly.  “Your world is mine now.”  chadz' legs and neck were locked still by the poison.  He shuddered as his lungs froze.

--

The palace guards found the purple-faced corpse splayed out across the floor of his pleasure room.  The young man, chadz' pet, was standing in front of the fire, now burned to coals.  As the chain-clad men started down the steps, the boy turned to face them and spoke:

“He is gone.  His dying words were to leave everything to me.  If you and your men follow me, I will give you all you desire.”  He held aloft one of the golden peasants, arms raised to the sky, now free of supporting the heavy world.

The guards did not hesitate.  Everything appeared to have gone as planned, just as the boy had told them hours before.

“Yes, my lord.”

The young man, the one named “cmp,” smiled.  chadz was dead.  A new leader had arisen.  A new dawn had broken.

A new life had begun.

Front runner, the bar has been set.

[KaMiKaZe_JoE]

I love you oohillac. Not enough gay horse sex though :/

[Hobb]

Project Asinus Revealed!!!

(click to show/hide)

The unfortunate assassination of chadz


               The hour was late when chadz returned to his basement. Not wanting to wake his grandmother he quietly turned on the light and made his way to his computer. chadz glanced at the clock in the bottom right corner of the monitor. "3:30 a.m." he said as he rubbed his eyes. He ran his fingers through his hair as he walked to the left side of his computer. There in the corner of the room was his baby, Project Asinus. It was an old refrigerator laying flat on its back. From a cut hole in the bottom there was a series of cords that made their way to either his computer or the power outlet in the floor next to it. chadz lifted the door of the fridge and flipped a switch that lit the kitchen appliance up with a green light. The inside of the refrigerator was completely gutted of its shelves and drawers. It had wires running along the sides that met up at the top of the fridge all connecting to a bowl shaped hat with flashing lights on it. chadz stood there admiring his work. Crossing his arms he said, "Tonight. Tonight is the night I finally test project asinus."

             chadz returned to his computer and started up his Crpg launcher. He waited as he downloaded banners. When it finished updating he started the mod. As it loaded he started second guessing himself on whether his project was actually ready.  But before he could talk himself out of it the loading finished. He went to multiplayer and retrieved the list of all of the servers in battle. He let out a disgusted grunt, "What there is no one in EU1?" chadz put his face in his palms and contemplated going to sleep. Then he looked at the screen again. He saw that Na1 had 100 people. "Do I really want to play with those shit heads?" he said. "Ahh what the hell, I am doing this tonight." He quickly alt tabbed and on his desktop clicked the Project Asinus icon. After clicking start, the refrigerator began to shake. The green lights flickered and the fridge was producing a low groan noise. chadz returned to the Crpg server list, clicked on Na_Crpg_1 and connected. He got up from his seat and made his way to Project Asinus. chadz took a deep breath, and then climbed inside of the fridge. Lying on his back, he fitted the bowl around his head. Trying to relax, he reached up and grabbed the door, closing it shut.  chadz closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind. He waited 30 seconds and then reached up to the top of the bowl and flipped a switch. A shock went through his body and his last thought before blanking out included something of how much of dumbass he was.

Na_Crpg_1

         chadz awoke to see him hovered around something very familiar. The buzzing in his head leveled out and before he could make out what was happening 8 grey boxes forced themselves into his mind, 4 on the right and 4 on the left. They were empty, and chadz who was nothing more than a consciousness realized what has happened. His mind became flooded with thoughts as he put the pieces together. "I am living Crpg!" he thought. All around him people started spawning. He could tell the map was Field by the River. Using his mind he clicked on the boxes. He cursed many times when he saw in every box there was gear barely fit for a peasant. No helmet, a tunic and some leather boots. For a weapon he had a stick. "Ahh well, it will be fine." he thought. With his mind, he clicked done on the screen. Nothing happened. Dumbfounded he made his way back to the equip screen. "Oh I didn’t click the stupid ready box, what a stupid thing to have to do" he thought. After clicking done again chadz began to feel very light headed, and then... he spawned.

        chadz looked down at his arms and legs, he moved his torso. He smiled, "I am actually controlling my character!" Adrenaline rushed through his body as he started moving forward. Then words appeared across his mind in a grey text.

[TROLL_A_GAY_TURTLE] OMG LOL ITS chadz GUYS

chadz turned around to the character who just talked in chat. He was holding a staff in the over head position, pointed right at chadz. Before chadz could react the guy smacked him over the head with his staff. The pain was excruciating and chadz dropped his stick to grab his head. The pain wasn’t on his head, but chadz had the weird feeling as if he suddenly lost 1/10 of his health. chadz started back peddling as the team hitter rose for another overhead. Fear rushed through chadz, "What happens if I die!" chadz, a peasant was too slow to get away as his teammate started to swing.

[SERVER] Ganner_of_Chaos banned player TROLL_A_GAY_TURTLE for 1h hour. Reason: Team killing

chadz froze as the body of GAY_TURTLE fell in front of him. "Wow, it’s like that guy just waits for someone to do something wrong so he can ban them." chadz thought.

         chadz's legs were shaking as he looked at what he got himself into. He was the only one left in his spawn except for one other guy who appeared to be afk. Straight ahead of him was the big bridge, where half of his team was heading. Behind was a small village. To his left was a big field and at the other side of it was a series of ruins. chadz heart sank to the floor, and a shiver went down his spine. Coming toward him from the ruins was a dozen cavalry. chadz turned to look at his afk teammate. "We are so screwed." He thought. Panicking he grab the staff off the ground and scurried to the small building at the corner of the fence in the village behind him. He made it inside just as the sound of horses became deafening. He watched as all the cav tried to kill his afk teammate, some of them hitting each other in the effort. The cav appeared to be looking around for other afk's. The horsemen soon charged off to the bridge, not seeing peasant chadz hiding in the house. "What have I done... What have I done"

        chadz stepped outside, "I have to make it to the end of the round, I have to make it so I can go spectator and get the hell out of here." chadz thought. Gathering some courage chadz started making his way to the ruins, staff in hand. As he crossed the log that was felled in his path he could hear the sound of another cav closing in on him. Not even taking the time to look, he sprinted for the entrance of the ruins. He let out a scream and dove for opening. A horse smashed into the wall next to him, but chadz was safe.
   
       There were teammates both outside the ruins and above him. chadz peaked outside and saw a whole horde of enemies charging their ruins. "Oh God, this is it, this is my end." chadz thought. Teammates started crowding into the room with chadz, pushing him back into a corner. It was utter chaos. Clangs of metal and screams filled the air as the two sides met. The enemy was forcing themselves into the entrance and chadz had his first opportunity to fight. He tried to overhead a full plated 2h monster but his staff got stuck on the ceiling. He dropped the staff and grabbed a small hammer from a fallen teammate. Letting out a grunt he swung the hammer from his left at the plated guy who was busy fighting. Thud! It knocked him down. "WTF" chadz said. "I don’t even.." chadz's teammates finished off the plate monster before he could stand back up. The battle turned and chadz team cleared the ruins. "We may win this, I may live!!" chadz thought.

     chadz scavenged a shield and a sword off the ground and stepped outside the ruins. He nearly buckled over as an arrow pierced him in the arm. He looked up to see an archer on the hill across the river steadily firing away. chadz raised his shield and made his way behind the ruins away from the archers. From the distance he heard another horse. A bolt flew by his head. chadz turned to see a mounted crossbowman charging towards him. chadz raised his shield and caught a bolt. "Ha this guy has no shot." chadz thought. The cav charged right at him and knocked him over. Before he could stand up, the crossbowman shot him in the back. "This is So FUCKING STUPID." chadz thought. He felt as if he was barely alive, black lined if you will. The cav turned to run him over again. chadz closed his eyes preparing for his death. Then from the ruins behind him a crossbow bolt flew by and head shot the rider. chadz was shocked, "I can do this!" He told himself.

    chadz made his way with a teammate across the small bridge and onto the hill with his two other teammates. It was 4 on 2 and they had the last guys were in sight. One was archer and the other a peasant like chadz, holding a boar spear. The archer was being chased by the other two of chadz's teammates. chadz watched as the archer would separate from his pursuers and turn and shoot an arrow. Pew Pew! The archer killed one of them, then ran away just as the other closed in. 10 seconds later the archer did the same to the other. "Well that is utterly retarded" chadz thought. "There is no way we can catch him." Then, another message raced across chadz mind.

Hurry! Become Master of the Field

chadz looked at his teammate who was also holding a shield, "yes we got this. " he said. The flags appeared not 20 feet from where he was standing. The peasant saw the two of them approaching and took off in the other direction. "What a noob." he thought. The archer found a longsword on the ground and met chadz and his teammate as they made it to the flags. Using teamwork chadz and his buddy blocked the attacks and wounded the archer twice. Then chadz positioned himself so that the archer was sandwiched in between him and his teammate and let loose a vicious overhead. His teammates strike hit first, and chadz’s swing went through the lifeless body and into his buddy's face. chadz stood there motionless over his teammate’s slain body. "How the flying tits is that lame ass mechanic still in this mod?"  chadz shook his head and scanned the field.  "Aright, this shit ends now"

chadz waited on the flags as the peasant was approaching with his boar spear. Just before getting within fighting range, the peasant dropped his weapon and picked up a long spear. "Ha what an idiot, he can only swing one direction." chadz thought. The peasant ran right at chadz and released a stab that shattered his shield. chadz quickly held his sword in the down block position, and blocked another stab. Charging forward chadz did a right swing and that the guy blocked right before it made contact with his face. "I will just face hug him for the win." chadz thought. chadz continued to swing, and his foe blocked everything. Then his foe jumped back to make 4 inches of space from chadz and spun around releasing his stab. chadz felt the tip of the spear go through his back. He fell to his knees and dropped his sword. "What.. How could it be, I thought he was the only one left, how could I get assassinated like that?" Then chadz saw the blood on the spear. "But, how could he stab me in the back if he was in front of me?" chadz said as he closed his eyes and let death take him. "If I’m not actually dead, I vow to fix these bugs, starting with that bull shit LOLstab... I swear it" Then his thoughts went blank, and his mind drifted away.

The End

[Everkistus]

Oh dear. Like the loomwhore I am, I need to participate in this. However, I'll do something different and write this as a play. Character textlines are in normal text, actions, background, etc in brackets.

The unfortunate assassination of chadz

(click to show/hide)

Characters:
- chadz, the donkey overlord
- cmp, the one not responsible for restoring characters, returning heirlooms or providing Strategus support.
- Paul, the rageball fanatic
- Meow, the pussycat
- Harald, the one who actually does something
- Peasant envoy, representative of both good and bad sides of cRPG community. Two personalities.
- Narrator


Narrator: -The dark age of cRPG spun on like a giant unlubricated cogwheel, grinding and stuttering occasionally as patches came and broke the mod once more, but still continuing on just due to it's massive momentum. For over two years people had played on, rushing into sure death round after round like automatons. This is a story about the end days of cRPG, and if the mod would truly die along it's creator.

Act I:

[Curtains open. chadz is sitting on his golden throne in a room full of skulls of the permabanned, head resting heavily on one hoof, looking thoughtful. Meow is purring near the doorway. Outside comes the sound of Paul furiously concentrating on rageball development. Harald is sitting in a corner, writing code to a parchment. Peasant envoy, dirty and dressed in rags, approaches]
Peasant envoy: -Oh my revered high and mighty lord chadz, creator of all, may you live forever in glory and splendor and may the deaths of your enemies be long and painful
[Peasant envoy bows deep. chadz breaks off from his mediation on how to further fuck up strategus and turns to face the peasant, look of contempt on his horse-like features]
chadz: -A mere mortal standing before me! How did get past my guards, peasant filth?
[Peasant envoy falls to his knees, scared of upsetting his lord]
Peasant envoy: -My lord, your gatekeeper cmp didn't pay any mind to me. As I approached him he pressed his hands to his ears and started shouting "I'm not in charge of restoring characters, returning heirlooms or providing Strategus support, I'm not in charge of restoring characters, returning heirlooms or providing Strategus support!" It was like I had never even existed to him, therefore I concluded that it's safe to enter your castle. When I was in, it was easy coming here since every commoner knows that castles don't go well with the adminkind. They thrive on field battles.
[chadz fixes his posture on the throne, straightening up]
chadz: -Very well then. Speak your mind, and be done with it quickly. I have better uses of my time than this.
Peasant envoy: -My lord, it's long been known that this world if full of injustice and evil. However, we have discovered a vault called "Suggestion Corner", an archive of knowledge long forgotten. Our best minds and some of the not so bright minds have been working in there night and day, comparing the texts and providing good and bad ideas for the lords of the realm to implement. We have come up with a plan that would both fix the taxation and payment system and bring joy to strategus again.
[chadz stands up in sudden anger. The peasant envoy startles and falls to his back on the floor.]
chadz: -Insolent peasant scum! You dimwits! Do you really think we care about the "Suggestion Corner"? It's there to create a false hope of better tomorrow for the rabble! The whole thing is a breeding ground for trolls, have you ever even looked at the "Realism Discussion"? The best and brightest thing that whole damnable place has ever spawned is the abomination that is Thomeks massive cavarly nerf. And strategus and joy? Do you really think it's supposed to be enjoyable? The whole thing is there just so DRZ and Greys can feel good about themselves. After all, they bought me this castle and this damn comfy throne.
[chadz sits down, looking smug and running his hooves along the armrests of the throne. Peasant envoy is regaining himself and speaks up again.]
Peasant envoy: -But my lord, what about us, your people? We were there, helping you build this land. Why would you forget us?
[chadz leans his head to hoof again]
chadz: - You maggots are indifferent to me now. Hearing you speak is like listening to the wind howling in corners of my castle. Begone before I get you thrown out.
[Peasant envoy looks confused and sad. He turns with a slouched posture and proceeds to the door. Before he gets there however, he unzips his pants and pisses on a potted plant. Then he kicks Meow who's sleeping by the doorway and gets out]
chadz: -What is this I don't even
[Curtains close]

Act II

[Curtains open. chadz has grown curious and came to see the Suggestion Corner, which is a half-buried stone house in swampy ground. Meow is hunting mice in the tall grass. In the distance,  you can see Paul playing rageball by himself. Harald is carrying chadz luggage on the other hand and writing code on a parchment with the other. Peasant envoy is working on a field, sees chadz and approaches, still carrying his pitchwork.]
Peasant envoy: -Oh glorious day, me and my brethren are delighted to see you here my lord. Since I visited you, I have been hoping and praying all night and day that you would change your mind and come to see us. Do you want me to show you what we have conjured up?
chadz: -My minion, I was perhaps too quick to pass judgement on your ideas. Show me what you have done.
Peasant envoy: -Right away my lord!
[Peasant envoy disappears in the building. You can hear sounds of arguing from the inside. Paul is making goals for rageball out of half-decayed wood in the background. Meow climbs on top of the building with a bloody, fat mouse in his mouth. Harald sets on hands and knees on the swamp ground, still writing code with one hand. chadz sits on his back. Peasant envoy emerges from the building, holding a handful of parchment and his pitchfork]
Peasant envoy: -After some thought, our scholars agree that these are some of our brightest work. It would be an honor to us if you would look them through, my liege.
[Peasant envoy looks hopeful. chadz takes and paper and starts browsing and murmuring to himself. He starts to get angry again.]
chadz: -I traveled all this way for this crap? Twohanders are too powerful, Polearms are too powerful, archery is too powerful? Really? It seems to me that your scholars are a bunch of 12-year-old kids who complaing about every class they die to is overpowered.
[Peasant envoy looks confused. Meow is agitated over chadz being angry. Paul stops playing rageball and comes from background to the stage]
Peasant envoy: -But my lord, look through them, you will find good ideas in there as well, ideas that would really help the world.
[chadz stands up]
chadz: -I've had enough of your nonsense. Harald, burn down the archive. Paul, kill him.
[Paul grabs a stick from the ground. Harald lights a match. Peasant envoy is terrified and graps his pitchfork as his knees shake, backing towards the building. Meow remembers the peasant kicking him and lunges from the roof to bite the peasants arse. Peasant screams in surprise and pain, lunging forward with the pitchfork. Fork hits chadz on chest.]
chadz: -Urgh!
[chadz slumps down. Peasant envoy falls to his knees and starts sobbing. Meow sprints away tail held up. Harald is still coding on parchment. Paul starts to beat the peasant senseless with the stick. Curtains close.]


Narrator: -So ends the tale of chadz, who went from a player amongst us to a foreign high power who controls what and how we do. We hope you enjoyed the show.

[applause]

[Ricky77]

THE LAND OF CALRADIA

chadz, THE SUPREME LEADER

So , i am here to present to you an anecdote of the story, of how chadz created crpg

It all began on December 21 2012 the day the earth was supposed to end. The so called chadz , supreme overlord of his house was a hedonist. Loved video games, an occasional bike ride to the park, and had outstanding integrity.

He was getting out of the shower, thinking of a sagacious thing to invent.
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A light bulb hit him on the head, and knocked unconscious. He woke to the mere struck of lighting . Awaking, the mere thought came into his head that he would diabolically combine the medieval game engine and a modern day engine of a video game, AND CALL IT CRPG.

While the supreme overlord chadz was doing his midnight aerobics. he was thinking of a way to format this so called crpg in a way the people around the globe could play and enjoy their time on this mmo.

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The supreme overlord "chadz" decided he would make two different sections of this game, the

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and the
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To make this game "crpg" balanced. he decided to make different classes.

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Archery   visitors can't see pics , please register or login


Crossbow    visitors can't see pics , please register or login
 




So while chadz was thinking about this all he decided to listen to a little jamming music
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While listenig to his favorite song, he thought of something. lets make this game visitors can't see pics , please register or login


. So that is how crpg was made..





In the dark lugubrious part of the world. A abomination was occurring . A GUY NAMED PAANOS WAS BEGGING TO DISCOVER CRPG.  AND THIS GUY KNEW HOW TO RAGE

He played this mod for 5358 hours strait. And eventually raged so hard that it was bombastic.

He had a plan. LETS FUCKING NERF ARCHERY..  But the almighty chadz would not listen. So PAANOS had to take things into his own hands.

So the almighty beer arises

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AND ASSASSINATED chadz

range died, and PAANOS WAS A CRPG LEGEND

[Aseldo]

chadz in his don-key glory was taken to the slaughterhouse, butchered, cooked, and eaten. The end! looms pls

[oohillac]

spoiler that crap

[IR_Kuoin]

Working on my essay ...

[FRANK_THE_TANK]

(click to show/hide)

In a faraway land very near France. chadz was killed, murdered as it were.

He slumbered in the knowledge none of the foul and malodorous slime that filled his mod knew his true identity and place of residence. His slumber and calm however was misguided, for deep in the bowels of the interwebz the letters burnt into the tubes read F L O R I A N.

Patch after patch the mod had been changed, and small pockets of trolls had become enraged and disgruntled. Many plotted and stewed in their bitter hate, clinging to the dream that one day chadz and all the devs would shit themselves to death. One of them however knew that this dream would never come true. He knew that if such a glorious day were to come about he would have to work tirelessly.

So began the plot.

First! A donation was made, and the account was tracked. Step by step the interwebz yielded it’s secrets. F L O R I A N!

The day had come, his minded sharpend by rage, his arse firmly clenched. He arrived in Fuckersburg Austria, marched the three flights of stairs to a door he had dreamed about. He booted the door in and ran screaming into the apartment.

He found chadz doubled over onto a desk drooling into a keyboard. He grabbed him by his long mane of hair and dragged him to the toilet. Roll after roll of gaffer tape wrapped his legs to the base of the toilet and his head to the cistern. A funnel was jammed into his mouth and and litres of laxative poured down his gullet.

Food, wine, metamucil more food, all jammed down with great vigour and another leter of the laxative.

Days went by and as chadz sat, exhausted from the effort, butt burning white hot, his tough little heart beat Its last beat and he was no more.

Like elvis before him he had died on the throne.

:/ It's not really an essay... Structure is horrible. I should do another.

[IR_Kuoin]

Behole my glory essay:

(click to show/hide)

The unfortunate assassination of chadz

It was a warm summer day in the end of august, flowers and apples had started to grow in the beautiful world known as “The real world”. Nuuk was as always sitting inside his room doing what he loved the most, which was playing C-rpg. It had been months since he had last seen a flower, or even a bird. His life and mind was controlled by this unstoppable mod. It was like it had taken control over his very mind. His dark-blue curtain was forever shut, and was last opened two months before the sign of summer had started showing itself. But like any other boy, Nuuk had to sleep. Nevertheless by the next day, everything would have changed, and his life would never be the same.

Eager and persistent as always, Nuuk had set his alarm clock to wake him up precisely at 8 o’clock so that he could grind his daily two million experience points. He turned on his computer waiting for the password notification to pop up. He typed the password and logged onto c-rpg.net only to find the most horrific sight he had ever seen! “What is this?!” Nuuk screamed at his computer, “Why are my characters deleted?” being frustrated over this dreadful sight he logged onto the IRC chat and started spamming the chat like Lord beer himself.

Many minutes had passed and a beeping sound appeared on his speakers. It was a message from chadz himself! “I’m sorry to inform you that your characters have been deleted due to suspicious behavior, and the possibility that you have been hacking other users, therefore your account has been terminated, good luck with your new life” – chadz. Mad as a devil Nuuk threw his computer to the ground, furious of what had happened, “Just you wait chadz, just you wait” Nuuk mumbled to himself.

It was an early morning, and the morning fog had not yet retreated from the cold air, but that didn’t matter, chadz was here to make money! “Ah lovely, another donation that can be used on improving my fine mod, just joking, it will all be used to support my sexual urges” chadz said to himself while a soft laughter left his mouth. “Nothing can stop me now, those simple minded humans, constantly grinding, clicking my ads on the website, providing me with pleasure increasing money. Heh, it’s too easy”

Nuuk was mad, really mad, all his leveling and leeching had been in vain, his life would never be the same now that he can’t play C-rpg anymore. “I’m going to kill you chadz, if it is the last thing I do!” Nuuk screamed out with his arms fully raised in the air, and his voice cranked up to his maximum level.

Just like any other day chadz was sitting in his dark room, doing what a equus africanus asinus does best. It had been some days now, but Nuuk finally managed to track chadz down and had found his house. “You better prepare for unwanted consequences chadz, or I will get you!” Nuuk said loud and clear. chadz which was sitting in his room, heard the loud cry echoing in his room. “This is where I take over your empire chadz, you better be prepared”. chadz turned around in his chair and there he saw a fat boy with long hair reaching down to his buckling shoulders, his face was no eye feast either, filled with pimples and all sorts of rashes filling his ugly face. Quick as a monkey, Nuuk threw his knife towards chadz and hit his chest. Blood and screams filled the almost empty room. chadz was dead.

The world of C-rpg is now torn into chaos, people being banned, kicked and muted for saying their opinions towards their new master, Nuuk. C-rpg is no longer a jolly place of killing and leveling. It is now a massive abuse center for a little kid, whose words are never to be but down, he now rules through chadz computer, doing ridiculous changes giving him the clear advantage. The mod is no longer playable, the mod, is dead …

 

[Rage_Guy]

fat boy with long hair gaahahahahahaahahaha

[Mike_of_Kingswell]

This competition can end now...everyone knows Oohillac won this!