Things we learned about Medieval times playing cRPG

[polkafranzi]

Eastern Europeans would come into your house while you slept and steal all your inherited gear.

Then on the battlefield they would wait in the back somewhere, wait to see who was the winning side and then join them, strangely they got paid more quickly than others for doing this, but also smited most often because they made it pretty obvious.

Sometimes a guy would turn up for a battle and just do nothing but stand there, whilst others punched him.

[wayyyyyne]

Vikings used to fight samurais in the Saharan desert.

[SquishMitten]

Russia conquered America

[Berserkadin]

That after every battle all the remaining soldiers released their attacks. Sometimes this resulted in grevious wounds and even death to comrades.

[Cosmos_Shielder]

lmao

It still does not. Depending on the spot you were hit you die let's say 10 minutes later out of blood loss (ofc. if a critical zone is hit you can be neutralized immediately).

if the armor take most part of the hit , the arrow only wound you flesh and muscles but doesn't hit vital part

[wanteds]

-Men didn't know what swimming was in medieval times, but instead they had the ability to walk under water. First they needed no air, but then they developed lungs.
-Horses had (long lost) perfect brake abilities which stopped them outright while running 100 mph.
-There existed knowledge of indestructible shields. (which was called inhuman and forbidden by the Gods)
-In medieval times, men did not try to improve their weapons and gear over time, only nerf them.
-Agility would determine how good you could aim.
-If a mellee fighter approached an archer and came too close, the archer would be bumped as if a horse had bumped him.
-Horses would bump you even from 2 meters distance.
-There was waves of angry peasants, bandits, nomads, weaboo's, sea raiders,... all to rape 1 virgin.


And here it comes, the shocking facts:

The creator of the medieval times was a donkey. 

[RandomDude]

-Peasants and farmers would regularly hide behind trees and rocks, and sometimes hold their breath for hours under water, all to escape the fighting.
-Soldiers of the same lord would regularly hit and slash each other "for fun".
-Flamberges were indeed useless in medieval times. There were no fields big enough to use them in.
-If a soldier was angry, he might kill his own men and then run away.

[Herkkutatti]

-one man could push a siege tower forward,  just by standing near it  .

[SirProto]

- In medieval times when attempting to throw something up into the sky people gained very bendy spines
- A throwing lance to the chest was no worry to a warrior and he could run about as normal, but a stone to the face could kill him outright
- Armies only had 6 minutes to capture a castle if they were laying siege to it
- During a siege, defenders would carefully leave indestructible ladders at random points in their castles

 

[Patoson]

-one man could move a siege tower forward by just standing next to it.

Corrected

[EyeBeat]

Crossbows can be loaded at full speed making crazy zigzags patterns up and down hills on horses. 

For the love of fucking god get rid of horse crossbows.

[MrShine]

I've learned that medieval warriors would erect siege ladders using their minds.

[Vkvkvk]

I've learned that medieval warriors would erect siege ladders using their minds.

I can erect my ladder using my mind all day.

[Blashyrkh]

all medieval warrior whined on forums about nerfing, xbow cav, crushthrough, horsearchers, samurais, ninjas, pole stagger, archers etc.... and how their god is destroying their lives

[Son Of Odin]

- Horses were made of glass
- If you got bumped and overrun by horse, you didn't die and only had minor damage.
- You could throw shit at people even if they are less than half meter away from you.
- You could carry ladders in your arse and pull them out and throw them with one hand.
- You could kill a man by kicking him in the nuts
- Arrow to the knee was serious injury
- 2h sword outreached all lances
- Katana was a viable weapon against heavy armored opponents
- Horses broke and had to be fixed
- All Russians were archers
- Nordic warlord helmet was the most used helmet in every culture
- Ninjas and Samurais only walked backwards and swung their sword mindlessly when they saw an opponent (I still wonder what would happen if these two met  )
- Templars were 13 year old boys
- Crossbow bolts went through shields