Author Topic: Things we learned about Medieval times playing cRPG  (Read 9596 times)

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Offline Huey Newton

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Re: Things we learned about Medieval times playing cRPG
« Reply #60 on: April 16, 2012, 06:37:49 am »
+1
-cav is hard

Offline Vibe

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Re: Things we learned about Medieval times playing cRPG
« Reply #61 on: April 16, 2012, 07:42:26 am »
0
- flying carpets and fireballs out of staves

Offline Soviless99

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Re: Things we learned about Medieval times playing cRPG
« Reply #62 on: April 16, 2012, 09:07:24 am »
+5
If archers tried to pick up an arrow that didn't match the arrows in their quiver, they would accidentally drop their quiver. Once they picked it back up, the arrow they were trying to pick up could be found in their quiver magically turned into one of their original arrows.

Offline Rhygar666

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Re: Things we learned about Medieval times playing cRPG
« Reply #63 on: April 16, 2012, 09:09:41 am »
+1
with a bit jumping pikes could hit trough shields
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Offline Bobthehero

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Re: Things we learned about Medieval times playing cRPG
« Reply #64 on: April 16, 2012, 09:29:13 am »
+1
Plate armor was uselss and slowed you down as if it weighted a ton or three.

Swashbucklers were in need of a buff back then.
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Offline Fluffy_Muffin

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Re: Things we learned about Medieval times playing cRPG
« Reply #65 on: April 16, 2012, 10:40:30 am »
+8
Once on the battlefield men were allowed to say only a preset ammount of commands, they had to say it in the same voice sometimes with different pitch. Women had even less rights and were only allowed to say the most basic of commands

Uttering more commands in a row was very dangerous as the soldiers were suddenly struck by the gods and died
Defy me, and you will know what it is to stand against a god.

Offline Jallah

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Re: Things we learned about Medieval times playing cRPG
« Reply #66 on: April 16, 2012, 11:45:27 am »
+3
I learned that in the Dark Ages, it was not necessary to touch an opponent with your weapon to kill them.  Swinging it near them was often just as effective.

I learned that the Roman Empire fell because stabbing with a sword, such as a gladius, did not penetrate armor, but instead glanced off.  Only the slashing attacks favored by the "barbarians" were effective.  How Gibbon missed this in The Decline and Fall I cannot imagine.

I learned that all male horse archers were homosexual, and that such terms were also applied to women should they mount a horse with bow in hand.

When approached by cavalry, a medieval swordman would spring three feet into the air and slash horizontally, killing the rider but leaving the horse unscathed.

In olden times, it was standard practice for infantry and cavalry alike to wander across the archers' line of fire, calling the wrath of god upon their bowmen should they take hurt.

Early in the dark ages, a method was found to place ladders atop other ladders with perfect stability.  In this way, great sequences of ladders were constructed on many battlefields.  Santa's Elves would often do this, and then leap from atop the wooden trail, hurtling down from above like bats out of hell to bring joy and good cheer to all.

I am grateful to C-rpg for teaching these things that no surviving manuscript records, but which one can easily see must have been fact.

- Jallah

Offline dynamike

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Re: Things we learned about Medieval times playing cRPG
« Reply #67 on: April 16, 2012, 01:52:34 pm »
+2
 Horses standing in shallow water are suffering unexpected heart attacks, causing sudden death. Evolution just recently made them lose their underwater abilities they had due to their apparently close ties to their aquatic cousins, the sea horses
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Offline wayyyyyne

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Re: Things we learned about Medieval times playing cRPG
« Reply #68 on: April 16, 2012, 02:22:22 pm »
+3
- Templars were 13 year old boys

That isn't even too far off considering there's been a child cursade.

-showing up with a wooden stick at a battle was a perfectly viable choice of weaponry if you knew how to block

Offline Teeth

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Re: Things we learned about Medieval times playing cRPG
« Reply #69 on: April 16, 2012, 02:22:45 pm »
-2
- Horses were made of glass
- If you got bumped and overrun by horse, you didn't die and only had minor damage.
- You could throw shit at people even if they are less than half meter away from you.
- You could carry ladders in your arse and pull them out and throw them with one hand.
- You could kill a man by kicking him in the nuts
- Arrow to the knee was serious injury
- 2h sword outreached all lances
- Katana was a viable weapon against heavy armored opponents
- Horses broke and had to be fixed
- All Russians were archers
- Nordic warlord helmet was the most used helmet in every culture
- Ninjas and Samurais only walked backwards and swung their sword mindlessly when they saw an opponent (I still wonder what would happen if these two met  :mrgreen:)
- Templars were 13 year old boys
- Crossbow bolts went through shields
This post just screams butthurt at the top of its lungs.

Offline Razzer

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Re: Things we learned about Medieval times playing cRPG
« Reply #70 on: April 16, 2012, 02:29:09 pm »
+1
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Offline Brrrak

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Re: Things we learned about Medieval times playing cRPG
« Reply #71 on: April 16, 2012, 04:10:27 pm »
+1
Poll where made when a soldier dislike the battlefield.

Poll could also be made against a soldier judged annoying by his pair.

No, this didn't happen.  God kept on turning off polls so it wouldn't, and forgot to turn them back on when he went off for whatever reason.

Offline dodnet

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Re: Things we learned about Medieval times playing cRPG
« Reply #72 on: April 16, 2012, 04:34:46 pm »
+1
Backstabbing spies weren't killed, they were (vote)banned and just disappeared.
The logic of war seems to be that if a belligerent can fight he will fight.

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Offline Elindor

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Re: Things we learned about Medieval times playing cRPG
« Reply #73 on: April 16, 2012, 04:47:27 pm »
+1
- In medieval times, when a combatant fell off a wall and died, the gods punished them by not only giving them an additional death toll - but by also REMOVING one of their kill points.

- In most castles, the walls actually had little to no defensive significance.  The real place to defend the castle was an arbitrary flag somewhere in the keep.

- In medieval times, the damage a weapon dealt was widely variant and sometimes an overhand chop from a veteran soldier with a 2handed sword to the top of an unarmored peasants head did not in fact KILL that peasant.  Truth.

- At one point in history, soldiers could carry massive massive ladders with them (and still fight, albeit slower moving) ....then one day the gods decided this was stupid and took the ladders away. 

- Ladders could not be pushed down by defenders atop the walls if there was even 1 person on the ladder.  Physics was a mystery....Isaac Newton hadn't been born yet.

- Often, an army would lug catapults across the lands to attack a castle, but upon arriving, not use them at all.

- I wont mention the incredible speed of heavy axes and polearms, or the ability to stab a target 2 ft away with a 16 ft pole, etc...because im sure those have already been mentioned...but they were staples of medieval combat I assure you  :mrgreen:
« Last Edit: April 16, 2012, 05:03:28 pm by Elindor »
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Offline wanteds

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Re: Things we learned about Medieval times playing cRPG
« Reply #74 on: April 16, 2012, 04:58:02 pm »
+4
In medieval times when commanders would give out orders, only women could refuse those orders by simply and bluntly responding "No".
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