U having a good time playing the game doesnt mean its the game alone that makes u feel better. Its you feeling integrated and useful. A joy, coming from your very own.
And I am sure, there are more things in life, that will give you that feeling, if only u would start looking for them instead of creating sad and useless topics in a forum thats full of arrogant and ignorant cunts.
The fact that talking to rl ppl on ts made u feel better is a good sign for there's hope buddy.
Check out the ppl around you, talk to them. If u like swinging swords, find a hema school. If u like feeling like a knight or hero, help a granny cross the street or do some social work. And in the worst case, if all that wont give u the statisfaction u seek, find another game.
But most importantly: its not all about being the best. Be as good as u can, and if u fail, be proud for trying rather than disappointed.
Killing yourself does not solve problems but creates more for everyone around you. Also it's the easy way out. Something i'm sure your alter ego internet hero would not agree with... And since hes the one u wanna be. ;)
Keep ya head up. Or youll only see feet till the end of your days.