Parallel Lines have so much in common, too bad they will never meet.
My wife accused me of being immature, I told her to get out of my pillow fort.
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make, then they call me ugly and poor.
How many germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb, one, they are very effecient but not very funny.
Whoever stole my microsoft office, you're gonna pay, you have my word...
What green, fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree would probably kill you... A pool table.
Apparently someone in london gets stabbed every 52 seconds... poor bastard.
I went to a really emotional wedding the other day, even the cake was in tiers.
I have a genetic disposition to diarrhia, it runs it my jeans.
Someone stole my mood ring... im not sure how I feel about it yet.
I tried to catch fog yesterday, I mist.
Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors, because if it had four doors it'd be a Sedan.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high, she looked surprised.