It was a footnote in a neo-chocolate chip cookie propaganda newspaper. A man had died; the newspaper stated that he was found working on a collage of equus africanus asinuss and swords for his World History 203 class. NANCY_DREW_FART_DETECTIVE had discovered the newspaper on a fart scene, and it smelled
suspicious. Wednesday seemed like a regular day up until that point; NANCY_DREW_FART_DETECTIVE went into the precinct like normal, picking up a real nose-grabbing case, where the main suspect was the one who smelt it first. NANCY_DREW_FART_DETECTIVE arrived on the scene at approximately 11:00 in the morning, taking time to clear his head and his nose with a cup of coffee. After blowing his nose, he promptly bent down behind the people at the scene, smelling their butts and then the air around them.
While investigating the smell, the uniforms on the scene came up to NANCY_DREW_FART_DETECTIVE and handed him the newspaper, hoping that the disgusting propaganda could help identify the crook. He took the paper, smelling it down, finding nothing out of the ordinary, until he got to the bottom with the murder story. The man who died was identified as chadz, obviously a pseudonym to hide the real victims name, and NANCY_DREW_FART_DETECTIVE knew this, almost as much as he knew who the suspect was at the fart scene. After identifying the farter to the traumatized bystanders, NANCY_DREW_FART_DETECTIVE left the scene, hoping to find out more about this chadz.
On the street, NANCY_DREW_FART_DETECTIVE caught the same scent he smelled on the murder story. He got into his Hybrid, which was fueled by pure farts, and took off. Following the smell he found himself on the doorstep of an old duplex, the door blocked off by police tape. Ignoring the law and shouting Fuck the police! NANCY_DREW_FART_DETECTIVE opened the door. Inside he found a chalk-drawing of what could only be described as a centaur, if the horse part was actually an equus africanus asinus. Stepping over the pile of Creedence Clearwater Revival CDs and DVD of Big Money Rustlas, NANCY_DREW_FART_DETECTIVE found himself in a room that smelled like a combination of AXE body spray and the nastiest fart he ever smelled. In the room he spotted a bed with sheets from the movie Shrek of Eddie Murphys equus africanus asinus character, and a sword on a pedestal with the words Winter is Coming inscribed on it. NANCY_DREW_FART_DETECTIVE walked up to the computer in the center of the room, finding some gnarly tabs open in Netscape Navigator of online dildo repositories and another of a fan page for the show Two and a Half Men, where chadz was a forum moderator.
Minimizing the internet browser, NANCY_DREW_FART_DETECTIVE found a video game running in a window, titled Mount and Blade: Warband. Telling himself that its helping the case, NANCY_DREW_FART_DETECTIVE attempted to join a server. Suddenly, he heard a maniacal laugh, as a man with a Chav accent and a doctors coat walked up to NANCY_DREW_FART_DETECTIVE from behind. After a series of sentences that were incomprehensible by NANCY_DREW_FART_DETECTIVE, the infamous fart detective remembered the movie Attack the Block and suddenly understood. The doctor went on about this being his block and talking about fam, and NANCY_DREW_FART_DETECTIVE learned that this mans name was BADPLAYER. As NANCY_DREW_FART_DETECTIVE got up to run away, BADPLAYER pulled a lever that caused the detective to be pulled backwards. BADPLAYER laughed as NANCY_DREW_FART_DETECTIVE flew into the screen, finding himself turned two-dimensional in a video game world with Nintendo 64 graphics.
NANCY_DREW_FART_DETECTIVE looked around, frantically, unable to smell anything. He was surrounded by generic looking characters that called each other sperglords and moved unrealistically. Finding what looked like a crossbow on a ragdoll, NANCY_DREW_FART_DETECTIVE moved to avoid being bludgeoned by these video game characters. NANCY_DREW_FART_DETECTIVE found a corner to sit in and gather himself, realizing that BADPLAYER must have been the one to kill this so-called chadz. The fart detective instantly thought that he must of been sent into this world as his fart detecting skills would have exposed BADPLAYER, and everyone knew that Chavs smelled the worst.
NANCY_DREW_FART_DETECTIVE decided that the only exit was to join in the fray, and hoisted his crossbow. Aiming at another character wielding a crossbow, NANCY_DREW_FART_DETECTIVE unleashed a bolt. As the bolt impacted the head of the man, the words appeared in the sky:
NANCY_DREW_FART_DETECTIVE killed chadz.
NANCY_DREW_FART_DETECTIVE killed a teammate!
He had killed the man he was looking for. He had been the assassin, causing the untimely death of the man whom he only knew as chadz. NANCY_DREW_FART_DETECTIVE sat down and shook his head in disgust, and decided to live out the rest of his life fighting in the medieval landscape he found himself in, the game of Internet Horses.
