Two Handed Spam

[Punisher]

It's funny how every helicopter-oriented chars come here to say "2handers are slow as fuck, shuttup you nub".

Xant
Siiem
Punisher
...

Actually I am 2 mil xp away from retireing to polearms because I feel it's a pity not to use OP weapons if given the chance.

[krampe]

Gonna go polearm /2h hybrid next gen aswell, but only because i miss my pony

[Gurnisson]

Actually I am 2 mil xp away from retireing to polearms because I feel it's a pity not to use OP weapons if given the chance.

You're going to regret that. 2H > Polearm.

[Siiem]

You're going to regret that. 2H > Polearm.

It's not a bad decision really, more turtles these days and poleaxes have bonus vs shields.

[Franklin]

There is a difference in asking for advice and making a thread called "2h spam" especially if you do not know the mechanics of a certain game. Think about that.

Arrgh, my lord pray forgive me for such poor use of the English language.  I had attempted a light humoured post with myself as the ignorant rube with no intention other than to talk about 2handers and the pace that they can master with their huge choppers.  Please forgive me master I will take myself away and have my gussets bludgeoned with a gusset bludgeoning cudgel before the setting of the sun. 

But before I go my lord I must express concern about these losses of patience which seem ever on the increases these days and vex you so.  Such shortness cannot benefit socialy to say the least. 

I must confess that I have conversed today with Ramone, your personal interior designer about such stresses on my spirit with regards to your welfare.  I met him in your conservatory, reclining on a red inflatable sofa in his usual lime green mankini and sucking on a banana.  Why he has to eat them that way is beyond me and I find it a little disturbing.  Can't say why though.  The platted chest hair is not to my taste either.

Anyway I digress.

I expressed my concerns to him about these changes to your once cheerful and ebullient personality and sited that story you regaled me with one drunken night.  It was the time that you were abducted by an alien who probed you in a variety of horrendous ways before leaving you battered and bruised on the doorstep.
My concern also went so far as to bring up the incident in the Snappy Snaps on the high street and that time with the web cam.
With his fine, smooth italian accent Ramone (which makes me feel strange in a moist way), informed me that my worries though valid they were off track somewhat.
Apparently, and this is news to me, you weren't abducted by an alien, it was Allen from Snugfit Screws & Nuts Ltd.
The incident that I attributed to a mental breakdown, the one where you stood in the middle of Snappy Snaps wearing a gimp mask, a Hello Kitty tshirt, with a Daffodil sticking out your arse, singing Danny Boy in the style of the Chipmunks, was apparently down to a cough syrup bender because you lost at patience. 
As for the webcam incident, the less said about the industrial sized  tub of Swarfega and a Corgi called Roy the better.

My heart is broken that you have suffered so.

Ramone informs me that the reason for such a change is because you have a small penis.  I interrupted him at this juncture to point out that your manly, masculine proportions meant that the only way to see your Johnson would be with a cunning array of mirrors and that it was unlikely that you personally had seen it in the last decade let alone touched it as human arms can't grow that long.  I must confess that I have always aspired to emulate your manliness and one day I too will reach the magic ton.  I should of asked him how he knew.

Anyway, Ramone delighted me and raised my spirits by saying that he hopes to involve you in American football and that he and his associates hope you will be accommodating and become a wide receiver that they can all enjoy.   I never knew you were interested in sports.
As to your small parts I did put forward that maybe a companion of a scale to fit would be suitable.  Maybe someone from The Lord of the Rings.  Unfortunately neither of us had a clue as to how we could contact Smeagol.
Anyway as a final note please be aware that I would never do anything to deliberately vex you and I will henceforth refrain from posting anything remotely controversial.  I shall stick to fluffy subjects from now on.

Before I sign off on this email to you, I will come to see you in the cellar in about an hour to empty your potty and sterilize/moisturise your bedsores.  I will also check out that urine burn you are getting in your nethers.  The doctor says to sponge you down more frequently and to use a stronger alkali.  I'll make sure to bring some bleach.
Do you want your usual 10 buckets of chicken parts and 16 gallons of coke.

Your devoted servant W. Smithers

P.S.  Ramone says he will be around later to do some stretching exercises.  Remind me to ask him if he has any idea as to what has been gnawing at your bed linen and pillows.

[Siiem]

I apploud your ability to make long useless posts. I prefer short but to the point useless posts.

[Franklin]

I apploud your ability to make long useless posts. I prefer short but to the point useless posts.

Whats an apploud?  Does it require 2 hands my lord and do you require lubricant.  I do hope these applouds are useful to your stretching exercises.  I shall text Ramone and get him to purchase you a bakers dozen.

[DrKronic]

  flametextwallofdoomOMG

Melee is balanced, if u want help with builds/weapons  to make one hand work ze best pm me

Same goes for any class I don't like giving build info in posts but am always willing to help any nooblets in search of power

Arrgh, my lord pray forgive me for such poor use of the English language.  I had attempted a light humoured post with myself as the ignorant rube with no intention other than to talk about 2handers and the pace that they can master with their huge choppers.  Please forgive me master I will take myself away and have my gussets bludgeoned with a gusset bludgeoning cudgel before the setting of the sun. 

But before I go my lord I must express concern about these losses of patience which seem ever on the increases these days and vex you so.  Such shortness cannot benefit socialy to say the least. 

I must confess that I have conversed today with Ramone, your personal interior designer about such stresses on my spirit with regards to your welfare.  I met him in your conservatory, reclining on a red inflatable sofa in his usual lime green mankini and sucking on a banana.  Why he has to eat them that way is beyond me and I find it a little disturbing.  Can't say why though.  The platted chest hair is not to my taste either.

Anyway I digress.

I expressed my concerns to him about these changes to your once cheerful and ebullient personality and sited that story you regaled me with one drunken night.  It was the time that you were abducted by an alien who probed you in a variety of horrendous ways before leaving you battered and bruised on the doorstep.
My concern also went so far as to bring up the incident in the Snappy Snaps on the high street and that time with the web cam.
With his fine, smooth italian accent Ramone (which makes me feel strange in a moist way), informed me that my worries though valid they were off track somewhat.
Apparently, and this is news to me, you weren't abducted by an alien, it was Allen from Snugfit Screws & Nuts Ltd.
The incident that I attributed to a mental breakdown, the one where you stood in the middle of Snappy Snaps wearing a gimp mask, a Hello Kitty tshirt, with a Daffodil sticking out your arse, singing Danny Boy in the style of the Chipmunks, was apparently down to a cough syrup bender because you lost at patience. 
As for the webcam incident, the less said about the industrial sized  tub of Swarfega and a Corgi called Roy the better.

My heart is broken that you have suffered so.

Ramone informs me that the reason for such a change is because you have a small penis.  I interrupted him at this juncture to point out that your manly, masculine proportions meant that the only way to see your Johnson would be with a cunning array of mirrors and that it was unlikely that you personally had seen it in the last decade let alone touched it as human arms can't grow that long.  I must confess that I have always aspired to emulate your manliness and one day I too will reach the magic ton.  I should of asked him how he knew.

Anyway, Ramone delighted me and raised my spirits by saying that he hopes to involve you in American football and that he and his associates hope you will be accommodating and become a wide receiver that they can all enjoy.   I never knew you were interested in sports.
As to your small parts I did put forward that maybe a companion of a scale to fit would be suitable.  Maybe someone from The Lord of the Rings.  Unfortunately neither of us had a clue as to how we could contact Smeagol.
Anyway as a final note please be aware that I would never do anything to deliberately vex you and I will henceforth refrain from posting anything remotely controversial.  I shall stick to fluffy subjects from now on.

Before I sign off on this email to you, I will come to see you in the cellar in about an hour to empty your potty and sterilize/moisturise your bedsores.  I will also check out that urine burn you are getting in your nethers.  The doctor says to sponge you down more frequently and to use a stronger alkali.  I'll make sure to bring some bleach.
Do you want your usual 10 buckets of chicken parts and 16 gallons of coke.

Your devoted servant W. Smithers

P.S.  Ramone says he will be around later to do some stretching exercises.  Remind me to ask him if he has any idea as to what has been gnawing at your bed linen and pillows.

[Nemeth]

tl;dr - ?
Are we flaming Siiem now? I wish to participate.

[Fraemi]

(click to show/hide)

Arrgh, my lord pray forgive me for such poor use of the English language.  I had attempted a light humoured post with myself as the ignorant rube with no intention other than to talk about 2handers and the pace that they can master with their huge choppers.  Please forgive me master I will take myself away and have my gussets bludgeoned with a gusset bludgeoning cudgel before the setting of the sun. 

But before I go my lord I must express concern about these losses of patience which seem ever on the increases these days and vex you so.  Such shortness cannot benefit socialy to say the least. 

I must confess that I have conversed today with Ramone, your personal interior designer about such stresses on my spirit with regards to your welfare.  I met him in your conservatory, reclining on a red inflatable sofa in his usual lime green mankini and sucking on a banana.  Why he has to eat them that way is beyond me and I find it a little disturbing.  Can't say why though.  The platted chest hair is not to my taste either.

Anyway I digress.

I expressed my concerns to him about these changes to your once cheerful and ebullient personality and sited that story you regaled me with one drunken night.  It was the time that you were abducted by an alien who probed you in a variety of horrendous ways before leaving you battered and bruised on the doorstep.
My concern also went so far as to bring up the incident in the Snappy Snaps on the high street and that time with the web cam.
With his fine, smooth italian accent Ramone (which makes me feel strange in a moist way), informed me that my worries though valid they were off track somewhat.
Apparently, and this is news to me, you weren't abducted by an alien, it was Allen from Snugfit Screws & Nuts Ltd.
The incident that I attributed to a mental breakdown, the one where you stood in the middle of Snappy Snaps wearing a gimp mask, a Hello Kitty tshirt, with a Daffodil sticking out your arse, singing Danny Boy in the style of the Chipmunks, was apparently down to a cough syrup bender because you lost at patience. 
As for the webcam incident, the less said about the industrial sized  tub of Swarfega and a Corgi called Roy the better.

My heart is broken that you have suffered so.

Ramone informs me that the reason for such a change is because you have a small penis.  I interrupted him at this juncture to point out that your manly, masculine proportions meant that the only way to see your Johnson would be with a cunning array of mirrors and that it was unlikely that you personally had seen it in the last decade let alone touched it as human arms can't grow that long.  I must confess that I have always aspired to emulate your manliness and one day I too will reach the magic ton.  I should of asked him how he knew.

Anyway, Ramone delighted me and raised my spirits by saying that he hopes to involve you in American football and that he and his associates hope you will be accommodating and become a wide receiver that they can all enjoy.   I never knew you were interested in sports.
As to your small parts I did put forward that maybe a companion of a scale to fit would be suitable.  Maybe someone from The Lord of the Rings.  Unfortunately neither of us had a clue as to how we could contact Smeagol.
Anyway as a final note please be aware that I would never do anything to deliberately vex you and I will henceforth refrain from posting anything remotely controversial.  I shall stick to fluffy subjects from now on.

Before I sign off on this email to you, I will come to see you in the cellar in about an hour to empty your potty and sterilize/moisturise your bedsores.  I will also check out that urine burn you are getting in your nethers.  The doctor says to sponge you down more frequently and to use a stronger alkali.  I'll make sure to bring some bleach.
Do you want your usual 10 buckets of chicken parts and 16 gallons of coke.

Your devoted servant W. Smithers

P.S.  Ramone says he will be around later to do some stretching exercises.  Remind me to ask him if he has any idea as to what has been gnawing at your bed linen and pillows.

I found this incredibly amusing, I will be giving you awesome points every time from now on whenever I remember to do so.

[Franklin]

I found this incredibly amusing, I will be giving you awesome points every time from now on whenever I remember to do so.

Why thank you sir *doffs cap and bows* 

[Templar_Ratigan]

Two handers were king of the roost since the very first version of Crpg. The only time they ever struggled was during the archer revolution.

They still top the scoreboards and they still complain more than any other style of player.

[Konrax]

I had a 20 page thread before the patch about 2h spam.

It still exists, and given the arguments I faced on my thread regarding this subject, most 2h players who won't admit it are usually players who use the most over powered weapons.

Yes I can manual block, yes I do play a 1h fighter, yes I have very high wpf and a fast weapon but still get hit mid swing very often.

Certain weapons like the Long Hafted Spiked mace and other weapons of that type for example combined with the polearm stun and their speed and their range make them far superiour weapons over any 1h weapon you can select.

2h players can also put points into shield, then use said shield to protect themselves from ranged weapons.

Honestly myself and many other players agreed that 1h should have a clear speed advantage over 2h and polearm type weapons but I can see that it is MARGINAL at best. Before many of you 2h players start ranting about that comment, please be aware that you have: Superiour animations, longer range, better speed, and significantly more damage.

1h players get: a shield usable in combat which can be broken or completely bypassed.

Hence why you see most 1h players going for fast weapons to at least get a bit of a speed edge over their enemies, like the side sword and elite scimitar for example since those weapons and a handful of others are really the only viable weapon choices for 1h players.

Just as many of the polearm users say about horses (If you have a problem get a pike) but with shields I would just say get an axe and break their shield.

[Furax]

Shouldent theese posts go into the spam forum?(no pun intended)

[Xant]

Honestly myself and many other players agreed that 1h should have a clear speed advantage over 2h and polearm type weapons but I can see that it is MARGINAL at best. Before many of you 2h players start ranting about that comment, please be aware that you have: Superiour animations, longer range, better speed, and significantly more damage.

Honestly myself and many other (2h) players agreed that 2h should have a clear speed advantage over 1h and polearm type weapons but I can see that it is MARGINAL at best. Before many of you 1h players start ranting about this comment, please be aware that you have: superior animations, don't have to manual block = protection from ranged, melee and pikes(RANGEMELEE), better speed and just a tiny bit less damage for all this.