I was raised Roman Catholic, in a nice suburb in the midwest. I got called an infidel (of all the words, haha) by my 6th grade CCD (sunday school, only on a tuesday) teacher because I persisted in asking him why priests couldn't marry.
Honestly, I considered myself agnostic throughout life, growing up, throughout high school, experimenting, having fun, generally not giving much of a care, being what might be considered a "good" person. I found myself drawing closer to religion in my first experiences with death. I discovered the news that my grandmother died while barely conscious, drugged up with a 105 degree fever, throwing my guts up and hallucinating. Moving on to the wake and funeral, which took place in a Serbian Orthodox Church, was a very interesting experience, though terribly emotional. It was a beautiful ceremony, suprisingly colorful, though very serious and depressing. Seeing your family cry, especially your father as a young kid definitely shocks the consciousness.
Witnessing the full extent of human suffering just takes a toll on some people I suppose. Granted, an elderly person passing away is one thing, but it soon took to family members, friends, associates. Cancer here, cancer there, overdose here and there, I couldn't help but start giving a shit. I even played Everquest for 6 and a half years in my youth, and I knew two dudes who killed themselves. I wasn't a close friend, but certainly both were guildmates that I had partied and raided with, and I attended their in-game funerals. Seems odd looking back that such a stage in life ever happened.
I turned to The Good Book, because I did find a strong affinity with the Christian faith, as in its core it is beautiful and perfect, but I can and will agree with any atheist or agnostic here that it has become castrated and profaned on so many levels. I did feel like it was lacking something as well, which brought me back to my question for the teacher about why priests can't marry. Its such a strong masculine tradition, but we have unfortunately seen where repression and bottling our sexual force has led us, especially within the Catholic preisthood. Woman is potentially the greatest thing on Earth for a man (potentially the worst too I imagine). Call me a hopeless romantic, but what about the 'quest for the holy grail', and what about true love, and all of those ideals I held so dear. Some people don't care about that, or think its nonsense, but not much interested me in the world besides love and cooperation.
Before you say "too long did not read", I'll cut to the chase. I began reading into quite a bit, I picked up the Qu'ran, because I was sick of friends and peers being so cruel and ignorant towards Islam and its Muslim followers. Reading into astrology, and a ton and ton of history with the Knights Templar and the esoteric order of the Essenes, and the Sufis, etc. I found Gnosis, or the Gnostic Movement, more specifically the teachings of Master Samael Aun Weor. So if I must define myself, I simply cut out the "a" from "agnostic" and became a gnostic, or at least an aspirant.
I voted Buddhist/Hindu, because though it touches on every great religion, it really does acknowledge the significance of the Innermost, and the Essence, developing soul, meditation, and eliminating our ego and psychological defects. It's certainly occultism, but it is very practical, and certainly nothing to be misunderstood. The divine Masculine and the divine Feminine are both touched upon, and there is a certain balance that is refreshing about Eastern religion and philosophy. Its taught that Buddhism is the doctrine of the Mind and the work in the death, while Christianity is the doctrine of the Heart, or the birth of the soul. Both obviously touch on discipline and virtue though.
Thanks for reading guys, if you made it this far. I think its a beneficial thing to have a thread like this. We can all see each other as equals I hope.
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