To the clue-less - Michael is easily one of the constantly worst players to roam cRPG. He has made ingenious threads like this since the start of it. Instead of simply acknowledging that he sucks and has no clue how the game works, he makes up outrageous shit like this and then makes up stories of how he "always tops the scoreboards" - which is true, if you replace "always" with "never".
Not even trying to make him stop here, all this stuff just goes over his head anyway.