Village attacks could work like Strat Battles:
They are announced a certain amount of time beforehand with full features enabled.
Unannounced attacks are possible but are limited in the amount of damage done to infrastructure and killing blows to defenders are deactivated, people only get unconscious.
Attackers can't be killed either but end up in town prison.
Announced attack is higher risk for a higher possible reward.
Unannounced attack is way lower risk for a way lower reward.
A system like this still allows surprising raids on infrastructure for lulz, minimizes griefing, frustration and whine to a minimum.
Don't like that. If its like a start battle then yes u should be able to wipe out village or castle or take it for urself.
But if u just roam around the map and killing ppl u should be able to kill anyone u want but for that for example become a bandit and if someone kills u, then he doesn't become bandit himself. But if its not a proper battle u shouldn't have ability to use siege equipment for example so u can't destroy any buildings, but should be able to kill and loot bodies and whatever is in the open.
This will force some people to build walls and some people to make proper sieges. But there should always be mortal danger outside the cities and it will create more drama. Because if u will wipe out someones lumber mill, for that maybe they will wipe out ur resource points.
Or if neither side can win a war, both of them can make raids on caravans or resource points to weaken the opponent.
This has to be lethal and brutal or it will lack a lot of strategic moments.