Device felt like a 16 year old again.
It must have been a sight to behold. A lord confidently riding toward the besieged New Ahmerrad with only his household guard and nearly a thousand courtesans in tow. Not those brutes the Northerners called girls, but proper Southern girls, with beauty and grace that surpassed even their luxurious cotton dresses. The smell of sweet perfume women of their stature wore was strong enough even to fend off the general stink of sweat and shit that followed a marching army. Most who looked upon his advance would see a lord with an almost inhumanly voracious appetite, but him and his guard knew these courtesans were not simply tagging along for pleasure, but also hiding crate upon crate's worth of weapons and armors under their dresses.
Device rode a short distance ahead of his company, there was a foul smell on the wind. He called for the head of his guard.
"Devak, inform the me- inform our escort that we've almost reached New Ahmerrad."
Devak squinted out toward the horizon of the seemingly endless desert. "I see nothing."
"If you can't find a city with your eyes, search with your nose. When the smell of shit gets stronger, the city gets closer."
"Very wise, my Lord. I still can't believe you convinced so many courtesans to relocate to a besieged city."
Device laughed. "If there's one thing we Starks protect more vigorously than our cities, it's our brothels. Besides, Legionaires need quality women as much as us Starks. Win or lose, proper courtesans will only gain from all the traffic. Hold up during the battle then make a fortune afterwards. If any of the men want to pay for one last romp before the city is in view, tell them it's already too late, so to hurry it up. They'll need to find a way to do it on horseback, we're not stopping."
Within the hour, New Ahmerrad came into view. Almost as impressive as the magnificent monolith that was the city walls was the sea of men camped outside them. Even while still a good distance out, the pleasant rhythmic hum of blacksmiths hammering weapons and armor into shape, the laughter that came with soldiers playing games of dice, and the confusion of seeing nearly a thousand beautiful women covertly sneaking supplies to one's enemy filled Device's ears. A nervous looking lad along with some twenty men rode out to receive him as his horse confidently marched toward the massive army.
"G-g-good day, m-my Lord."
"Quit stammering and grow a damn spine boy. What are you, a Squid?" Device felt sorry for the boy. He was clearly just a squire assigned to question all those entering and leaving. He wasn't prepared to handle a situation like this. Nobody was. It took a brave man to stare down a thousand impatient women and hold his cool.
"M-my apologies. What are you and your - er, companions doing riding toward Ahmerrad, my Lord?" The boy had regained some composure.
"I plan to stand on the battlements with my brothers in defense of Ahmerrad. I have that right, do I not?"
"Of course, my Lord. It's just, uh, what is the purpose of all these, uh, fine ladies at your heels?"
"You think I'm going to cross this damnable desert without plenty of fine wine and fine girls? Are you Legionaires some kind of celibates? Or perhaps you fear whores taking up arms against your army now?"
There was laughter both from Device's guard and from the twenty men in company of the boy. "Of course not, my Lord! It's just an unexpected sight to behold such fine ladies entering such a dangerous place. Also, well, some of them look a bit strange." The boy had grown defensive, but managed to redirect the conversation appropriately.
"Strange how?" Device growled.
"Well, that one over there, for instance. She's quite plump," the boy said pointing to a courtesan with a massive lump, roughly the size of a man's torso, bulging out from under her dress.
"She's pregnant," Device said instantly.
"Pregnant?"
Device looked back. The men hadn't had time to pull apart every piece of plate armor they'd brought with them, so they'd simply shoved an entire torso section of Milanese Plate under the girl's dress. The result was an incredibly bulbous and misshapen growth that appeared to be sprouting from the girl in question. It was easily the most ridiculous sight he had ever seen. He turned back around. "It's a fat one," he said, holding as straight of a face as he could manage. It was the most difficult challenge he'd ever faced in his life.
"As you say, my Lord. Would you like one of our doctors to take a look at her and make sure she's okay? She looks-"
"No no. We have people of our own to take care of that. I simply want to enter the city."
"Well, I mean, something about this just doesn't seem quite right, and I-"
"Are you refusing a Lord his right to enter his own House's damn city, boy?! If you're so unsure, why don't you go call upon sJimmy for his input. I'm sure he's busy with war preparations at the moment. Likely to take your head for disturbing him over such a trivial matter, now that I think about it. But if you're so uneasy, it may be best to bring him over. Run along now."
The boy's eyes suddenly widened in terror "N-no! My Lord, I apologize for my horrible rudeness. Please, enter the city, you and your companions. Neither I nor my brothers in arms shall challenge you."
"Good. Glad to see some sense in one such as yourself, boy. Keep it up and you may become a leader one day." Device whistled back to his cohorts, kicked at his horse, and rode off into the city.
--
Soldiers stared as they rode by. The courtesans smiled, batted eyelashes, and made suggestive looks at the Legionaires as they passed. A short spat with the gatekeeper passed, and the gate was opened just enough to allow Device's escort through, prepared to shut in an instant if the Legionaires tried to take advantage of the opening.
To Device's surprise, Tristan was already waiting for him at the gate when he arrived. "Ah, Tristan, you old neerdowell, you've gotten fatter," Device greeted him.
"And you've made some new friends, I see. I take it there's more to this story?" Tristan was worried, the situation at Ahmerrad was weighing on his mind, he was clearly in no mood to play games.
"Indeed there is. Come, to the keep."
They rode through the city. Civilians took time away from attempting to fortify their homes to gaze upon the more-than-welcome sight marching through their streets. However, they didn't dally among the citizens. They marched with purpose, directly to the keep. Ahmerrad was under siege, and there was little time left to prepare.
Upon arriving, Tristan was perplexed at the sight of nearly a thousand courtesans in his keep's main hall, almost more than it could hold. His jaw proceeded to fall, leaving his mouth agape, as the whores proceeded to lift their dresses and shower steel onto the floor beneath them. Device simply smiled.
Quick shout out to the Legionaires for not contesting us on reinforcing our fief before the siege. Glad to see more interest in having a fun strat battle than ensuring a victory.
