Apparently during the night a couple of coons invaded the garage. The racoons managed to somehow climb all the way up to the garage door opener located near the ceiling of the garage and managed to trigger it to open, making the garage door hit a parked car outside belonging to a housemate.
I answered the call to arms given by my housemate. "call pest control" they said. psssssh! What kind of man calls outside forces to defend his own gatehouse from two vicious bandits?
Unfortunately my slingshot was MIA and my paintball gun had no CO2 or ammo so ranged combat was out of the question. I wasn't about to use a pellet gun neither.
So I armed myself with a ww2 era Wakizashi, a short Japanese mahogany practice sword, and a long 5 ft stick.
I banged on the metal "rail track" for the garage door opener they were both fortified on in attempts to flush them out from their high ground advantage. It seemed to reduce their moral but they didn't budge.
It was time to bring out the long range weapon, I went for the 5 ft long stick. Blows were exchanged (they were biting my wooden stick!). The banditry did not want to give up without a fight.
Using the stick I managed to nudge one of them off of the high ground, he fell 6 feet and hit the ground, and quickly scurried off to a closed area where my lengthy weapons became ineffective and could not reach. This one was definitely an agi build, so I knew he only had a few hits left at best.
The other one, still up near the garage opener managed to shift positions. After a few blows from my long stick, he quickly ran along the rail and then the top of the garage door shifting to another fortification: the top of a tall 7 or 8ft cabinet in the corner of the garage.
I opened the castle gates. Showing mercy and giving the bandits a valid exit. But the one on the ground did not want to leave his partner in crime.
I feared going after the one on the high fortification as I would leave myself vulnerable to the bandit on the ground. I was wearing only sweat pants, slippers, and a shirt... My leg armor would do nothing more than conceal my wounds If I were to be attacked! I switched my focus to the racoon on the ground in the small crawl space. While not able to get him to leave his fortification, I was content that his low moral caused by my quick thrusts with the stick would prevent him from exiting for the time being.
With the mighty stick, I nudged the coon bandit from the high tower (cabinet) but he landed behind some fishing poles and other polearms. Trapped behind a wall of debris, and now on ground level, he retreated behind the cabinet in the corner of the garage. Now I had both bandits on ground level, their high ground advantage was lost, but they had no plans to budge just yet.
After smoking a cigarette in the garage in attempts to "smoke them out" I went and made coffee to give them ample time to make their exit. But when I came back they were still there.
I managed to fit my polearm (stick) in the flanking area of the crawl space and got them both to flee quickly out the open garage... One and then the other ran out towards the neighbors yard and climbed up in a tree. I decided to forgo executions to let them return to their bandit gang and spread the message that my kingdom is not to be trifled with.
This all took like a hour, at some points I was trying to let them leave on their own but they wouldn't budge so it was a lengthy epic.
In the end, the bandits lost their multi, and I got x2 irl. Sadly I didn't get any valor.
In retrospect I should of taken a picture of them when I found them on the garage door opener rail... They looked kind of like this:
just more coony and less feline
All this battling has worked up my appetite... I think ill go make some lunch now.
