War! The last HoC offensive will be reserved for Raven!

[Ingleram]

The Ancient One, Ingleram Isenzahn, stood farthest in the back nearest the doors. He still prefers the cold of the outdoors, even now after all these years.

*In swift silence, Ingleram whirled around, kicking open the large oaken doors allowing a frostbitten gust of air to blast into the hall. Planting himself as he spun about, he launched an axe high into the air, tumbling end over end as it arched over the assembled gathering, plunging with a ringing crash into the blazing fire-pit at the center of the hall. Fierce embers and fire shot upwards, reaching at the rafters and scattering about the hall in veil of ashy smoke as the cold wind bellowed forth. All eyes turned to the scar laden warrior, his eyes wide with a glint of madness and his sword raised high.*

In our swords, there in rest the chilled breath of death. *He murmured*

In our spears reach, there in rest the fiery fangs of rage.  *He snorted*

In our axes might, there in lay the embers of pain. *He gruffly spout*

In our shields, hued with runes, there resides our menacing guise *He smirked*

War, is it... *he paused, gazing at the swirling smoke billowing up through the hall*

Then by Odin's call, let it be victory or our passage into Valhalla!

*With no further word, Ingleram strode over to a keg of mead and plunged his drinking horn to the bottom. Drank it dry in one breath and threw it at across the hall towards Hungry. with a haughty laugh*



 

[Relit]

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From the walls of Halmar, all they could see was smoke and fire. They knew tonight would begin the struggle against these merciless northmen, who are led by harsh men and even crueler gods. And in that moment, when the drums began, they knew fear.

[Artyem]

There was a peaceful presence about the village of New Ehlerdah; the villagers happily carrying out their usually redundant menial tasks; the large garrison standing idly by, feasting and happily getting drunk and fat whilst basting in their fortune.  Quite fortunate they were, being in one of the only settlements in Bonesaw the Cruel's slowly dwindling Empire to not be under siege.  Vikings, Ravens of Valhalla, were pillaging the west.  Barbarians, the Frisians, seemed to ignore their presence and instead assaulted their neighboring village of Yalibe.  Indeed they were quite lucky that they were not the villagers of Mazigh, or Amashke, for they were claimed by the Chevaliers and Occitan.  Bonesaw's actions seemed to infuriate everyone, but none brought war unto them.

Unbeknownst to the villagers and soldiers in New Ehlerdah, armies were indeed marching to lay siege to their home.

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"Cursed, shall ye be, for yer squandering of our time has once again vanquished our need for presence, ye bundle of sticks." said Deltah to Larry, who once again was taking preference towards his books and studies over team oriented practices.  "Meh." replied Larry in his usual tone, one brought on from a lack of sleep and over use of caffeinated products.  This, however, was not an uncommon rebuttal from a faggot of such proportion.

Suddenly the door was thrown open, and in walked Artyem the law, next to enter was Relit the Old.  "Hail, comrades, quell your petty arguments and give heed to what the Old Man has to say."

Relit loudly dragged his fingers around in his long, gray beard.  The sound not unlike that of an eagle's anus being shook and scraped wildly across its own nest.  The old man loudly cleared his throat with a cough that rattled his insides before speaking, "Good day, lads, I bring word from the halls of Narra that Bonesaw the Cruel has finally broken the walls of insanity, reaching the final destination on his long drunken trek that is 'bat shit insane'.  He has declared a state of emergency in his home, is selling all of his fiefs and has broken our ancient agreements with the Empire.  This is a declaration of war, and your men are requested to aid us in this conflict."

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Relit's latest portrait.

"Bonesaw?  More like BAD SAW haHAhahHAHAHA" said Necrorave the small phallus warrior.

"Shut the fuck up, Necro" snapped Artyem.

"Gentlemen, I do say this writing in the book of Imgur is quite humorous, allow me to recite it to you..." droned on Larry, the Magical Cheetah.

"Sometimes when I take a shit it smells like Taco Bell" stated Deltah.

Suddenly Applesauce wattled into the room, attached to his feet was Celinthe the Rich.  "Swag overload." were his only words before once again departing.

Urbanday sat in the corner listening to everyone, not doing shit as usual.

Happyphantom continued to ignore our bullshit.

Vesarius looked over from his bar, one eyebrow raised in intrigue, "Well, Hoc battle prep can be summed up simply as, bleaching eachothers assholes so they look their best for getting their shit pounded. Its kinda like how the spartans prepared for battle, but in this case its so they think they can look good for their frapsed compilation of battle losses that they will throw on youtube set to the tune of nickelback, with a short opening of buck cherries(sp?) crazy bitch."

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"Well then, I guess we're going to war with HoC." said Artyem, nodding in awkward agreement with the rest of his clan.

The Dragoni of Valahia quickly mobilized, armies set due south.  First target: New Ehlerdah.

Direct quote from Vesarius, his views and opinions somewhat represent Dracul's.

(click to show/hide)

Relit isn't very harsh, he's just anal about his warband strategies.

As for gods, I assume Digglez is basically Odin at this point and that guy is pretty fucking cruel.

[Stormcrow]

Stormcrow the my old friendcher walks in and realizes he shouldn't have slept in

Is Hoc recruiting?

[Lord_Bernie_of_Voodoo]

Someone could probably put together a 200 page+ novel about this hilarious war by now.

[Smoothrich]

Someone could probably put together a 200 page+ novel about this hilarious war by now.

Here I'll start it.

"There once was a clan called Hoc
everyone knew they sucked cock
losing a bunch of wars
this thread has no lols
one good player hoc has not

[MrPink44]

It appears that Smoothrich's katana style posting is getting a bit dull, methinks.

[Lord_Bernie_of_Voodoo]

Here I'll start it.

"There once was a clan called Hoc
everyone knew they sucked cock
losing a bunch of wars
this thread has no lols
one good player hoc has not

You are the epic troll and the epic 2-Hander.

[Deltah]

All was well in Ehlerdah. The town was thriving, despite the rather large army of Chulanians garrisoned there.
Word had come from towns in not so distant lands that the kingdom was under siege, and that they were next. However, the sea of green shields had assured them of their safety. Blissful in their ignorance, the soldiers and the citizens feasted and drank, unaware of what loomed just over the horizon.

It was dawn, and the Dragoni Encampment was busy at work readying themselves for slaughter. A young captain was volunteered by his colleagues to seek out the leader of the encampment, and ask him for the day's battle plans.
He eventually arrived at a peculiar tent that seemed to be made out of some thick and scaly hide. A deep lingering smell akin to Taco Bell radiated from its pores. Afraid to touch the thing, the young captain stood at the entrance and beckoned for the commander to  surface. A rustling could be heard, and a few moments passed. Then the captain heard a loud bellowing coming from the insides. "ASSSSSSSSSSSSSS" It was then that the tents front cover peeled open, and emerged a man seen before only in legend. There he stood, scantily clad, wearing nothing more than crude underpants forged from the scrotum of a swamp drake, and a falcon perched upon his shoulder. The young captain couldn't help but admire his fine physique, and ponder at his numerous scars.
It was then, that what appeared be a congo-line of naked women, stumbled out of his tent. Some of them were from his personal guard, and others seemed to be maidens from the village that they were set to besiege later that night. They dispersed into the camp, some were bashful, and others were giddy. But all were satisfied.
The captain stood there, bewildered.
"So, do you have need of me, or are you going to sit here and stare at my junk all day?" said Deltah.
"auh uh auauieuh" responded the captain, still in shock.
"You must be here for the camps orders then, I suppose." said Deltah.
The captain nodded.
"Well, the first order of the day is to ensure that every man and women in this encampment eats a healthy and balanced breakfast."
" After that, I suppose we ought to make ready for war, or something like that, right?" echoed Deltah.
"Yes Sir" said the captain, as he began to stumble away.
 "Oh, and captain........"
"Yes milord?" he replied
"Bring me that ASS." Deltah bellowed, as he pointed to a certain familiar runaway donkey pacing around the outskirts of Ehlerdah.

[Larry]

Larry the mystical spotted feline observed the spectacle that emerged before him, peering over a book, bound in pale leather, with a single, dyed green, lower case "i" stitched into the cover. He scratched thoughtfully at the bulbous length of spiked feline sausage bulging out his left pantleg, as it scratched back. "I wonder." he said, eyes gazing upon the doomed town "How many barely legal boys inhabit this sleepy place."

[vesa]

Meanwhile, in New Ulburban, Vesarius, single handedly mans the bar.  All the troops are off at war but he must remain ever vigilant in case some patrons come in. Dolla dolla bill, yall.

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Edit: I too received a warning i was simply roleplaying my absence from the battle. I think as an integral part of any warparty being the morale officer, i should explain my absence.

[Necrorave]

Necrorave sat there in his seat, his small floppy penis hanging in all of its minuscule glory, thinking about life.
He grumbled a slur of racially unacceptable words before speaking aloud; "Cereal gives me gas."

That's all I got

[TheAppleSauceMan]

swag

EDIT: Apparently this got me a warning. This post is obviously continuing the role-play initiated by Artyem. I demand someone reverse this injustice and do right by me.

[Lt_Anders]

swag

EDIT: Apparently this got me a warning. This post is obviously continuing the role-play initiated by Artyem. I demand someone reverse this injustice and do right by me.

No single word posts allowed. Gay RP encouraged.

[Larry]

Larry rested his bloodied glaive over one, armored shoulder, flipping his faceplate up to look at the large pile of disembodied limbs scattered in a wide circle around him, before looking over at his comrades, similarly surrounded by bloody piles of chopped limbs and bonked heads "My my!" he'd call out, grinning widely "I almost feel bad for that!"