Laughter and crude songs could be heard floating over from the main camp of the Remnant army stationed outside of Yruma Castle, the last fortified bastion of KUTT. Preparations for the siege that would start later this night were in full effect and in good tradition of the Remnants before battle, beer and mead were flowing in large quantities.
In the command tent on the hill overlooking the killing field, the generals and strategusists of the Remnants were mulling over their battle strategy.
Remnant Noddles, Supreme Commander and Master Lubricator of this great Remnant army, several thousand men and spaghetti armed girls strong, was surveying once again the castle defenses laid out in front of him. He made an impressive sight, like a statue of a hero of old, standing on the hill, one hand shielding his eyes against the sinking sun, the other firmly planted inside the front of his breeches, gently moving back and forth. He grunted his approval to what he saw and must have felt at this defining moment in history.
Back in the tent, Elindor, Archon of the Holy Guard, the Remnants oldest allies, traced his finger across the map he had drawn of the castle and surrounding areas. The landscape, with its two adjacent great hills and two smaller hills on top and centered on each of the larger hills vaguely resembled a woman's breasts. To the south of the hills, past a small lake, a river bent sharply around a brush of smaller trees, forming an upside down V. It was into this reversed V that Elindor was stabbing furiously with his finger, all the while addressing Remnant Dexxtaa with his strategy proposal: "Sire, battalion D should be pushing hard into this natural V! From within the cover of these bushes we will be able to mount a surprise attack upon the rear of the enemy fortifications!". Dexxtaa seemed to flush in anticipation of this bold attempt to catch the foe with their pants down.
At the base of the hill, Remnant Sauce was in discussion with his self styled Miracle of Engineering on the conditions of their siege gear. Sauce, his brow wrinkled in concern, was glancing between the catapult and the heavy stones laying next to it. With a suspicious look on his face he addressed Miracle: "Does this thing even lift?" Miracle, always confident of his engineering skills that he had mastered and honed to perfection during a 30 minute training session, replied: "What the fuck do I know? It depends what we load the catapult with!". Sauce, Master Strategusist and Head Crab of the Remnants, scratched his beardless chin in thought. Suddenly, an evil grin stole upon his lips. Miracle, full well suspecting that Sauce might have an ingenious idea that could decide the fate of this battle, curiously posed the question: "What did you have in mind? What would you fling among our pitiful foes?". Sauce, a trace of madness in his eyes, screamed the answer into the setting sun: "MEEEAAAAT!"
In the meanwhile, Remnant dynamike had spent valuable time and well thought out planning to build several large siege towers in various crucial locations in preparation for the siege to come: the nearby lake could now be rapidly entered from great height from several siege towers and the army be supplied with fish caught from atop the platforms. Nobody could fault dynamike and his ingenious plans that the lake - after multiple tries - proved far too shallow for diving and the fishing lines to short to reach the surface. At least the siege tower built in the middle of the Remnant camp's latrine dugouts was useful to avoid the smell when defecating from its top. Only the falling feces caused some havoc among passer by's.
A song drifted over from the great fire in the main camp again and Noddles listened to the old war song the Remnants Maedae and Tom Cruise chanted in a duet. Tears filled his eyes when he thought back to all the memories this song brought with it, so closely intertwined in the history of the Remnants, and from the pain that went through his bowels. At last pulling up his pants and clasping shut his belt, he climbed down from the latrine siege tower, wiped away the tears and marched towards his men to ready them for the assault, all the while hearing the almost sacred words of the great artist Justinius Bieberian being sung in the background.
As the sun settled over the KUTT castle, everything seemed well prepared for the assault to come. The Remnants and their allies high five'd each other for the gods of Swords and Horses were with them and tonight they would dine in helluva castle!
NA_cRPG_3
Siege Wed 22:49
Remnant:3421
VS.
Knights Union of the Tundra Territories:2047
http://c-rpg.net/index.php?page=battlesupcoming#!?page=battledetail&id=1281
Alas, while out on his pee, suddenly 'ol Tugboat showed up waving his arms over his head and yelling like a drunken barbarian. He had with him his barely geared 100 or so man personal guard as well...
Elindor sighed "...here we go"
Sign up for this battle too :rolleyes:
http://c-rpg.net/index.php?page=battlesupcoming#!?page=battledetail&id=1283
No need to sign up... this is personal.
Remnant_Noodles - 1
VS.
Remnant_Maeday - 1
Pillow Fight? - Wed. 22:00
inb4 it doesn't work in strat... havn't tried it there yet...
Lorddark, stop being a little puutie and take it like a man. Looks like the 'sperglers are about as whiney as every other insignificant clan when it comes to losing - blame it on a gangbang that they didn't see coming because of shitty diplomatic policies.
If and when the tables turn, I can tell you that we will fight the good fight and ALWAYS have a gf at the end of our struggles. Can you say the same ? I doubt it.