In the fertile fields of Uxhal, a young farmer by the name of Kale worked in the mid-morning sun. As he reached to wipe the sweat from his brow, he noticed a man approaching him from the nearby road. Kale stopped his work and looked keenly at the man, and could see that the figure was draped fully in black, his cloak trailing his footsteps. The man approached young Kale, and waved him over. Intrigued, Kale put down his hoe and headed to meet the curious visitor. The man seemed inconspicuous enough, though Kale noticed a large protrusion thrusting forth near the man's thigh. Kale smirked, and began to greet the man. "Are you looking for some fresh produce, or do you need a man who knows to plough?" he grinned. The man raised his hand to hush the young farmer, and reached down towards his massive bulge. He opened the cloak and revealed a bean, much larger than anything Kale had ever witnessed. The man held the bean out as if he meant for Kale to take it. Kale obliged the stranger, and the stranger finally broke his silence. "This bean fell from the heavens, and it is a sign that times are to change. Take it, farm boy, and plant it. In time, the bean shall grow and bear fruit that you are meant to harvest.” Kale wondered in astonishment at the gift, for he had never seen such a bean so pristine in all its phallic-shaped glory. The stranger parted ways with Kale, and the farm boy rushed off to the fields.
Kale covered the bean with the most fertile soil the farm had to offer, and eagerly waited for it to grow. He waited until his impatience got the best of him, and eventually left the bean to continue his work in frustration. “Silly old man, that bean was a worthless piece of trash” he muttered to himself. As soon as the last mouthful of phlegm had exited Kale’s lips, a thunderous roar exploded from the very spot that the bean had lay. A glorious beam of light shot forth from the bean’s position, blinding Kale, who was already basking in amazement at the commotion. Kale approached the light when a soft voice crept out to him. “Come closer, young Kale,” the voice whispered. Kale, whose knees began shaking in mixed fit of fear and excitement, stopped where he was. He tried to look for someone nearby, but the light stopped him from seeing anything. “Come closer, young Kale,” the voice said again. This time Kale called back. “Who are you?” he asked. “Come towards the light and I will show you,” the voice replied. Kale stepped closer to the light when a tingling sensation began to overtake him. He took one final step before collapsing. The farm boy’s vision began to fade as his dreams overtook him.
Kale found himself waking amidst the clouds. He cried out when he saw the land far below him, frightful that he was in freefall. He stammered to his feet where he noticed that the clouds took hold of him, strong as any rock that he had ever stood upon. Kale looked up to find the oiled body of a man gracefully resting in its natural state. The man, who lounged comfortably in front of Kale, noticed that the young farm boy looked shocked by the sight of his naked chocolate magnificence. “Kale,” the man said in a deep, sultry, Morgan Freeman-esque voice, “do not be afraid. My name is Tammo, and I am here to show you my light.” A comforting smile revealed itself behind Tammo's lips as he beckoned Kale to approach.
Kale awoke once again on the ground. He got to his feet and brushed the dirt off himself. He looked at the where the bean had once been planted, and saw that it had vanished. In its place stood a flaming pole of wood, proud and erect. “Grasp my Shaft,” a familiar voice had whispered to Kale. Kale reluctantly stretched out his hand. “The fire will not harm you,” the voice whispered again. Kale reached further and firmly grasped the wood. Suddenly, a wave of warmth overwhelmed Kale, and visions of a future filled with the light and grace of Tammo engulfed him. “Tammo, oh Tammo!” Kale exclaimed. “Your light had penetrated deep into my loins, and I now clearly see the path you have laid forth for me. From now on I shall be a prophet, for I wield the Flaming Shaft of Tammo!”
From that faithful day, Kale has dedicated himself to serving Tammo. He has gathered his followers in his home of Uxhal where he plans to spread Tammo’s light to the rest of the world. This task, he knows, will not come easy. He has formed the Holy Order of Tammo, a divine entity working to fulfill the Prophet's vision.
