You guys are all too modern. Let's go back 3000 years or more.
Zalpa's attack upon Kanesh (3800 years ago) - They had to relocate capital he rekt so hard.
Formation of the Akkadian Empire (circa 3500 years ago) - After coming to power in Kish, Sargon killed the king of Kish. After having the army of Kish follow him, Sargon soon attacked Uruk, which was ruled by Lugal-Zage-Si of Umma. He captured Uruk and dismantled its walls. The defenders seem to have fled the city, joining an army led by fifty ensis from the provinces. This Sumerian force fought two pitched battles against the Akkadians, as a result of which the remaining forces of Lugal-Zage-Si were routed.[20] Lugal-Zage-Si himself was captured and brought to Nippur; Sargon inscribed on the pedestal of a statue (preserved in a later tablet) that
he brought Lugal-Zage-Si "in a dog collar to the gate of Enlil."[21] REKT DUDE FUCKEN ANAL RUPTURED
Unification of upper and lower Egypt under Narmer- 31st century BC 5100 GOD DAMN YEARS AGO this motherfucker unified upper and lower Egypt, when the rest of the fertile crescent (let alone neanderthal Eurasia) was gathering twigs and berries like lil bitches, he was the first pharaoh after the mythological characters Scorpion and Ka. This nigga meant bizness.
THE MOTHERFUCKING SEA PEOPLE] - THESE GUYS CAME FROM THE OCEAN AND LITERALLY DESTROYED EVERY CULTURE THEY MET. ON PAR WITH THE "REAPER" MYTHOLOGICAL FIGURE OF SCIENCE FICTION. THEY LAID WASTE TO ANYTHING THEY MET, SETTING WESTERN CULTURE BACKWARDS LIKE 1000 YEARS. SMEARED. THEY FUCKING SMEARED US LIKE FIG JAM UPON THEIR BREAD. NO ONE KNOWS WHO THE FUCK THEY WERE, REALLY. JUST FACELESS DESTROYERS WHO TOPPLED THE KNOWN ACCOMPLISHMENTS OF MANKIND, ONLY TO WANDER OFF INTO THE SHADOWS OF HISTORY. SHIT'S STRAIGHT FUCKED, FAM.
#5 I DONT GIVE A FUCK IF YOU READ THIS FAR AND AINT CONVINCED THAT LATE NEOLITHIC/FIRST AGRARIAN CULTURE WARFARE AINT THE SHIT THEN YOU CAN GO FUCK YO SELF BITHC
