Author Topic: Regarding Earth,  (Read 915 times)

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Offline Legs

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Regarding Earth,
« on: March 12, 2015, 10:28:13 pm »
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All of you were prepared to become cosmonauts. There were supposed to emerge tens, hundreds of millions of cosmonauts - everyone who ever dreamed of becoming one. You don't believe that children decided for themselves that they want to be cosmonauts, do you? A three year old child can't just wake up one morning and decide that he wants to fly into space. Children were made to dream about that. All of this was part of the preparation. Some kind of enormous operations - colonization of Deep Space, alien genocide... I can't remember what exactly it's supposed to be. Anyway, that was just a manilovism. Of course later someone smart showed up and they've changed their plans so you were no longer needed. At first, they were thinking about disposing of you - World War Three, Darth Reagan, "Dead Man's Letters", stuff like that... But then once again someone smart showed up and suggested to leave you as a reserve. Of course nobody was bothered about your adaptation - it's nothing but unnecessary expenditures. Who shall survive - he will survive. It's like in those movies about cyborgs, which have been created by mad scientists and left to suffer when the Pentagon stopped funding the program, and now they are roaming vast parking lots near shopping malls and looking for something in the sky. You are trying to understand why everything is so absurd and incoherent, and why you want to fly from the balcony breaking the branches of poplars.

It's because this is not what you were prepared for. They took away your ability to love, leaving to you only your reproductive instinct - when a few dozens of people are shut inside of a spaceship for long months of flight, you don't want to have any reasons for a conflict. You need g-loadings, you need hard radiation, you need water recovered from urine - here is why you are so diligently trying to kill yourself. Earth is just too comfortable for you. You are roaming in every corner of the world, tearing your faces and knees to blood, trying to find a place where you belong. Navigators became programmers, pilots are racing through nightly streets in cars, extraterrestrial intelligence experts are writing strange posts for their blogs. And there is nothing that can be done - the changes were made at the DNA level. If you have children they will be cosmonauts. Their children will be cosmonauts. You are writing books about cosmonauts for cosmonauts, and all of your music, all of your movies, all of your paintings - it's nothing but stories about Gagarin, who slept through his Twelfth of April. Deaf Tsiolkovsky and dead Gagarin - that's who rule your world. It's strange that you're still alive. I mean, well done, of course.
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Offline Armpit_Sweat

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Re: Regarding Earth,
« Reply #1 on: March 12, 2015, 10:51:06 pm »
+3
Well, since I wholeheartedly support Darwins theory, I believe we are prepared to be what we always were - a horde of apes. History makes much better sense, if you keep in mind that we are apes who are wearing pants. It's very sad really. An ape traveling through space is just as sad. It will not find any answers there. I rather take them stupid pants off and enjoy my reductive instinct! Yeeeee-haaaa!

Gagarin was a cool guy though.
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Offline Kafein

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Re: Regarding Earth,
« Reply #2 on: March 12, 2015, 11:41:53 pm »
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reductive instinct!

Reductive instinct? That must be a physicist thing.

Offline Teeth

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Re: Regarding Earth,
« Reply #3 on: March 12, 2015, 11:58:35 pm »
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What the fuck is a manivolism?

Offline Armpit_Sweat

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Re: Regarding Earth,
« Reply #4 on: March 13, 2015, 12:21:55 am »
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Reductive instinct? That must be a physicist thing.

Ok, ok, you got me there tiger :) I can't handle them long complicated words very well. Let's just exchange "my reductive instinct" with "jerking my peepee violently, while making weird noises".

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Offline Kafein

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Re: Regarding Earth,
« Reply #5 on: March 13, 2015, 12:23:45 am »
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Nonono I get it, you think pants are not reductionist enough.

Offline WITCHCRAFT

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Re: Regarding Earth,
« Reply #6 on: March 14, 2015, 03:16:33 am »
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irl something shorted on the shuttle and laika overheated and died within a few hours of liftoff and for a brief while one could look up to the stars and see a light shooting across the sky that was actually a warm dog corpse slingshoting about the earth at thousands of miles per hour which was arguably humanity's greatest achievement so far

Offline lombardsoup

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Re: Regarding Earth,
« Reply #7 on: March 14, 2015, 03:52:39 am »
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lol heavens gate, insane and very suicidal

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Offline SixThumbs

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Re: Regarding Earth,
« Reply #8 on: March 14, 2015, 03:58:03 am »
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And how!