Goodbye Everyone

[GOBBLINKINGREATLEADER]

"St. Louis, MO — What many teenagers these days are considering a harmless prank has landed one online gamer in more trouble than he could have ever imagined. In a Missouri courtroom today, 15-year-old Paul Horner, known online as GOBBLINKINGGREATLEADER, broke down in tears after a judge found the young man guilty on two counts of domestic shitposting and disturbing the peace, and he was sentenced to twenty-five years to life in federal prison.

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Horner is the first person in history to be charged with what is known as ‘shitposting‘, a growing trend in which a person anonymously cyberbullies an internet community, such as a particular forum or webpage, in hopes of provoking the players to negative responses. Prosecutors in the case proved that Horner called in multiple false insults against rival online gamers, such as calling them "spunk butler" or "cheesedick" resulting in a disturbance of the peace for the online gaming community we are told is referred to as "cRPG" or "cerpiga" by its members. Most members of this online community were eager to comment, with one particularly upset gamer saying "I'm very happy that he got banned from IRL, he was a fucking cheesedick."

The practice of “shitposting” was recently brought to national attention by the YouTube video: "fuck you all, fedoras own hard" located here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VfOuJ93sIog. Law Enforcement agencies say that the practice, which has been occurring with increasing frequency since 2013, wastes valuable resources and places innocent people in harm’s way. The 2014 incident, which resulted in the charges against Horner, are a prime example of this.

Defense lawyers told the courtroom that Horner, who goes by the gamertag GOBBLINKINGGREATLEADER, was upset after being repeatedly beaten by a fellow gamer at cRPG. After obtaining the rival gamers information, prosecutors say Horner called the other gamer a "cock crazed cheesedick who probably doesnt even use a mechanical keyboard u fucking shithole". Following an investigation of the incident, Horner was charged as an adult, using provisions of the 2001 Patriot Act. Horner’s guilty charge stems from two counts of domestic shitposting, and one count of disturbing the peace.

During closing arguments, prosecuting attorney Jack Phillips explained the state’s assessment of Horner to the jury.
“Horner’s actions are pure evil, he is a menace to society and must be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.”

Horner, described as affecting a brash, “hardcore” persona while online was anything but throughout the trial. At multiple times Horner broke down into fits of sobbing hysteria and calls to his mother, to the point that the presiding Judge, Arthur Digsby, was forced to have him removed. Hearing the sentence of 25 years to life, Horner began sobbing. Judge Digsby told Horner that though he felt bad for the youth, he was ultimately responsible for his own actions.

“Ignorance of consequence because of lack of thought absolves no one”, the Judge told Horner. “Thinking that your actions were only a prank did not make them only a prank.”

Judge Digsby finished his sentencing as he went on to admonish anyone who would try to emulate such idiocy.

“Leave your petty pride in the realm of digital fantasy where it is still safe,” Digsby said. “Because, as young mister Horner has learned, actions in the real world don’t have a reset button. And every parent should make sure their children understand that.”"

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if you weren't coy enough to get it, its all a ruse

[lombardsoup]

And nothing of value was lost.

[wayyyyyne]

Goodbye

[Aprikose]

...

[Bittersteel]

And nothing of value was lost.

>nothing of value was lost

[chesterotab]

"I was called a shitposter yesterday, but when I came out of jail, many people embraced me, including my enemies, and that is what I normally tell other people who say those who are struggling for liberation in their home forums are shitposters."

-Nelson "El Jefe Jesus Suprema" Mandela

[lombardsoup]

Mandela is dead, GOBB is alive, someone should correct this little discrepancy

[Tanken]

Site your sources you fucking dropout.

[Legs]

DeQuincy, LA — Local hero 35-year-old Paul "Legs" Horner who thwarted the would-be robbers told reporters how he saved the day. “It was really lucky that I had my wallet with me that said ‘bad motherf*cker’ on it. The robbers came around demanding everybody’s wallet and I just held it up, you know like how Samuel L. Jackson did in Pulp Fiction.”

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Longtime diner Shilda Vafaei said it was a pretty tense moment. “The robbers asked Mr. Horner what was in his hand. He told them it was his wallet that said ‘bad motherf*cker’ on it. I’ve never seen the movie so I didn’t know what he was talking about. I just thought he was some crazy white guy with a death wish.”

“After I said the comment about my wallet the robbers started freaking out. So then in my best tough black guy voice I said to them: Normally, both your asses would be dead as f*cking fried chicken, but you happen to pull this sh*t while I’m in a transitional period so I don’t wanna kill you, I wanna help you,” Horner said. “Then the robbers looked at each other and then just ran out of the restaurant. I knew my vast knowledge of Pulp Fiction would pay off for me one day.”

Barkins told CNN he was concerned about the health of Mr. Horner after the robbers had left and everyone at the restaurant was waiting for police to arrive. “It seemed like Mr. Horner’s brain had snapped. I asked him if he was OK and he shouted, ‘Shut the f*ck up fat man! This ain’t none of your go*damn business’. Then I apologized and told him that I think the cops are on their way to which he responded, ‘I don’t wanna hear about no motherf*ckin’ ifs. All I wanna hear from your ass is, you ain’t got no problem, Paul. I’m on the motherf*cker. Go back in there, chill them n*ggas out and wait for the cavalry which should be coming directly’. Then he started asking me questions about our food menu. He asked me about our hamburgers and if I knew what they called a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in France? It was really weird, but hey, he’s a hero I guess.”

[WITCHCRAFT]

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if you weren't coy enough to get it, its all a ruse

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[Donkey guy]

Goodbye

[pepejul]

gimme looms