I remember when I was doing montages' 4 years ago, loved them days made a little bit a of money too off youtube.
You had a good song there, but you didn't use it correctly. Syncing the shots to the song would of made it 10x better.
edit: watched again, noticed you did sync some of them up
Edit2: I'm not sure how serious you're taking the fragmovie but getting a decent intro would be a good start ;D