McDeath the troll at large, Unban essay

[mcdeath]

It has been just about a month since I have written the unban essay. Here is a refresher.
Essay #1

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I love C-RPG, but we all love in our own way. I have fought with all of you over  the years I have played, and for better or worse you know me. I might be loud, I might be flamboyant, I might goof around, but at the end of the day its the love of the game that compels me to play day after day. Though I might not always show it, I honestly want to follow the rules. I know they are there for the minority who is actually trying to play a fair and honest game. Sometimes goofing off can infringe on someone else's enjoyment, sometimes I'm drunk and don't think of this. I'm in college, perhaps I shouldn't play games drunk.. but it is a game, and a safer alternative to the consequences of being drunk in reality. That doesn't excuse my actions though, and I know this.
     
I was asked to cite the rules I have broken in detail, and to put it into 1000 words. This is a daunting task, perhaps the biggest undertaking of my college career. My crimes are many, but so to are the years with which I have been playing. I don't know the reason for wanting me to name them all in detail, perhaps to make me aware of them. Maybe to see if I knew them? Maybe as a dare or challenge to see if I was man enough to own to my mistakes? Maybe none of those, but whatever the reason required I gave this some very deep and honest though and after much soul searching and introspection came up with the following rules and as many details as I could remember.

I have abused chat, on numerous occasions. I have done so with racially insensitive slurs, and profane or vulgar comments. I may have spammed a message, and prevented you from reading a genuine message someone else was attempting to send. There is no excuse for abusing chat. I may have offended you, or distracted you from battle with my comments. Regardless of what was said, or if I thought it funny, or was trying to be amusing, it was in poor taste and Im sorry.

I have griefed, I have kicked team mates reloading crossbow, and nudged people off ledges. I have bumped people on horses, or just rode over them. I have pushed people off bridges, and kicked them off stairs. I have stood in front of swinging teammates, or jumped in front of a shooting archer. I have forced you to hit me, then ctrl+m you. I have abused the QML system to cause someone untold moments of frustration and agony as they were perhaps midfight and unable to respond appropriately to the input required. I am sorry, I never meant to hurt you. It is a poorly coded system, and was wrong of me to abuse its shortcomings for a laugh, or because of anger. There is no excuse, and I hope you can forgive me.

I have leeched, I have left my computer unattended to get a drink, or grab a smoke, or just got distracted and wandered away. I have stood in DTV, and hid in battle. I have spawned with no armor or weapons, or just did not contribute properly. It is not fair to those who are genuinely attempting to play, and putting forth an effort only to have me benefit equally while contributing nothing. I have wronged you, and for this I am sorry.

I am a team wounder, I have hit friends, and enemies. I have lashed out in anger, and love. I have struck on accident, and accidentally on purpose. Regardless of the motive, it is against the rules and hurt those trying to play fairly. My selfishness has jeopardized my teams chances of winning a round, and for this I am sorry, it was rude of me and unjust.

I am a teamkiller. I have slain my comrades, friend and foe alike.There is no excuse or valid reason to do this when it was done on intentionally. Even if the person I am killing is my friend, I may cost my team its multiplier by weakening it from within. Killing someone on my team is not an appropriate way to handle these types of situations, and I am sorry for this selfish act, and hope you can forgive me.

I know there is a lot listed here for me to account for. If its any small consolation it took me days of trying, hours of thinking, and many failed attempts to write this. I would put the words to page, but with so much grievous charges against me they just rang hollow on the page. Having to dwell so long on each wrong I have done, and form them into a suitable substance to be presented to the world opens your eyes to the error of your ways. It seemed like such a daunting task, impossible to accomplish. I almost gave up before I even began. I couldn't do that though, because I love this game to much. I hope my words move you, and I would like to ask the community's forgiveness, and to be given another chance. When you asked me to write this essay, and to detail the rules I have broken I laughed about it at first. But this was hard, possibly the hardest paper I've ever written. It made me aware of my transgressions, made me stare myself into the eyes and truly see the color of my soul. How do you detail so much wrong and then follow it up with a reason to be allowed back? You cant. This is what scared me, and why so much thought and time went into writing this essay. Because my love of the game compelled me to try, and so I humbly throw myself at your mercy and ask your forgiveness and to be given another chance.

I can genuinely say that writing this paper has changed me, Id like to promise to never do any of the above things again but I know the words would fall on deaf ears. You have heard such things many times before, and so to have I said them. Just know that no matter what you decide, this paper and my apology are both sincere.

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I know I said I was never going to write an unban essay but I was convinced to put this out for all of you to see. Thank you for taking the time to read this, I really appreciate it.

Essay #2

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Perhaps I loved too much, or not enough.  I exposed my soul, and you rebuked me. I reached out to touch you, but my hand found the cold emptiness of your abyss. I wept, words flowing from my minds eye like tears of ink to paper. I gave you truth. Raw emotion, unrestrained, and unrepentant. I have no further argument to give, no more forgiveness I can seek. You set the hoop and I jumped, you said higher and I touched the moon. I never wanted to hurt you, only to love you. It could have been so beautiful, but it was only a dream. An image I caught a glimpse of once, from the corner of my eye.
Did my words lack flavor? Did you spit them from your mind like something foul from your mouth? The silence is deafening, it could fill a room. What more is required? What other tasks do you ask of me? I will do them, gladly. This essay was the child of my mind. I loved it, and nurtured it to life. It suckled at my teet, and was born of my will. I watched it as it started to crawl, and was there the day it took its first step. I worked three jobs to put it through college, and on the day of its graduation you invite me to its funeral.
Was its life in vain? I will bury my child, but I will give birth to another just like him, and another, and another. They will be stronger sons, and will rise to reclaim their brothers glory.
You may already know this, but the unban essay requirements are changing every day. Already the issues we discussed in my last essay have been frittered into obscurity and irrelevance. Key points, and relevant topics that I once valued as being the core principles of Strategy for Unban Essaying, or SUE, are now cold and dead to me, like former lovers whose carcasses pile at my feet. The world is a harsh place. None of us will endure the passage of time, none of us will stay the great darkness that lingers over each of our souls, its saliva dropping in beads. Fear. Fear is the essence of the human soul. You and I know this as C-RPG players, but I look out upon those players whose happiness I truly affected and I wonder if they know that one day everything they love will fall and crumble and mingle with the smoldered ash of fires burnt in foreign lands. Can my unban essay baring my soul to you affect meaningful change in a world where death claws viciously at each of our doors? I need to know this! Can you guarantee the global cessation of entropy? I do not find it likely nor did I notice this issue addressed anywhere in the forums.

I will be perfectly honest with you, in the last three to five hours I have consumed about 65mg of powdered psilocybin. I do not think I am in a state of mind where I ought to be making decisions that will affect my future in C-RPG and I'm only barely able to recall the tenements of the SUE strategy. I want an awareness driven unban essay to maximize other players awareness. I really do, but right at this moment I simply cannot understand how best to do so. Although we may never play together again, you have opened my eyes to a side of the game I never truly considered before, and for this I will always consider you a friend. I hope you do not ever forget me, just as I will never forget the joy you have brought into my life. Thank you again for everything.

I love you
McDeath

[Thryn]

Honestly, the admin who banned you should have at least responded to your thread... This thing is bumped all the time, and has been here for a bloody MONTH. Unban mcdeath, or just give him a proper response.

[dreadnok]

It's a euro admin they don't care. I understand the developers bannning and chafz or cmp but a reguler admin from a euro sever able to globally ban you is bizarre

[CrazyCracka420]

Honestly, the admin who banned you should have at least responded to your thread... This thing is bumped all the time, and has been here for a bloody MONTH. Unban mcdeath, or just give him a proper response.

It's Tennenoth, who idle's IRC....

I've said it before multiple times in IRC that he should at least give a response such as "Yes, no, or maybe, but I haven't decided yet...will get back to you around x number of days/weeks/months/years".  But was told that if someone is an asshole what makes me think they deserve an answer...which is a shitty response.  It would be pretty nice to just have him give his thoughts...

If you ask someone for an unban essay, and they provide it, you should be prepared to give them a reasonably timely answer.  1 month is ridiculous.  Otherwise don't ask for an unban essay, just say "fuck you, you're permabanned, deal with it". 

[Bronto]

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[Pappy]

Tennenoth can suck a fat cock. What a miserable excuse for an admin. Petty to set  a task then refuse to dignify it with a response. I hope he sleeps with unclean women/men and his dick turns green with some new kind of STD they name the  Tennenoth in his honor.

[mcdeath]

The judicial system of cRPG is inefficient as fuck. Just unban this queef already.

He said this just about a week after I wrote the unban essay. Now after all this time I see it couldn't be more true

[Miracle]

Pls keep banned.  Thx.

[The_PermaBanned_Hero]

10/10 WOULD BANG

[mcdeath]

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Both bans have been boosted to global status & mc_diabetes has been essay banned given his 14 previous bans, on NA alone.

The essay should be, and I quote, "1000 words explaining all the rules he's broken in detail" and the ban will stay until further notice.

said by tennenoth a week before I wrote my unban essay. I believe I have accomplished this goal and then some.

[Switchtense]

Well, I guess us all sitting here waiting for McDeath to be freed from the gruesome shackles of Banland is that so called "until further notice"

[protox2k]

Ill be waiting too

[Thryn]

ive been waiting

for a girl like mcdeath

to get unbanned tonight

#original

[Lemon]

 
unbun him he's my favorite masshole

[JasonPastman]

I wish chadz or cmp would step and protect the players from the regimes that have formed around their games and not leave it to these admins, many of which are only interested in enjoying the use and imo abuse of their power.  Don't you two see that have these folks abusing power helps to destroy your fan base, which is your primary market if you intent to release you own game.  I just don't get it.  As I have the greatest respect for cmp, who has always shown the greatest of wisdom in issues that I have been involved in that he has ruled on, (no offense chad, never interacted with you) why would you let your work be undermined by folks that only have their own vice's in mind.  It's for this reason that I barely play C-rpg anymore (not to mention me not playing it for periods in the past) and will not be interested in your release, which is unfortunate.  I've been around for 3+ years but when you get banned for things like running from a HA, or not helping a teammate, or not following general orders in a strat battle, or back when the hospitallers were admins, "You know what you did..." (B.S. list goes ON!) you get to the point where it's just not worth it anymore. I hope Mcdeath gets unbanned, and does not reach the level of cynicism that I have, but considering the circumstances as of now, it seems like the admins of this community are going to drive away another long time member.