I love C-RPG, but we all love in our own way. I have fought with all of you over the years I have played, and for better or worse you know me. I might be loud, I might be flamboyant, I might goof around, but at the end of the day its the love of the game that compels me to play day after day. Though I might not always show it, I honestly want to follow the rules. I know they are there for the minority who is actually trying to play a fair and honest game. Sometimes goofing off can infringe on someone else's enjoyment, sometimes I'm drunk and don't think of this. I'm in college, perhaps I shouldn't play games drunk.. but it is a game, and a safer alternative to the consequences of being drunk in reality. That doesn't excuse my actions though, and I know this.
I was asked to cite the rules I have broken in detail, and to put it into 1000 words. This is a daunting task, perhaps the biggest undertaking of my college career. My crimes are many, but so to are the years with which I have been playing. I don't know the reason for wanting me to name them all in detail, perhaps to make me aware of them. Maybe to see if I knew them? Maybe as a dare or challenge to see if I was man enough to own to my mistakes? Maybe none of those, but whatever the reason required I gave this some very deep and honest though and after much soul searching and introspection came up with the following rules and as many details as I could remember.
I have abused chat, on numerous occasions. I have done so with racially insensitive slurs, and profane or vulgar comments. I may have spammed a message, and prevented you from reading a genuine message someone else was attempting to send. There is no excuse for abusing chat. I may have offended you, or distracted you from battle with my comments. Regardless of what was said, or if I thought it funny, or was trying to be amusing, it was in poor taste and Im sorry.
I have griefed, I have kicked team mates reloading crossbow, and nudged people off ledges. I have bumped people on horses, or just rode over them. I have pushed people off bridges, and kicked them off stairs. I have stood in front of swinging teammates, or jumped in front of a shooting archer. I have forced you to hit me, then ctrl+m you. I have abused the QML system to cause someone untold moments of frustration and agony as they were perhaps midfight and unable to respond appropriately to the input required. I am sorry, I never meant to hurt you. It is a poorly coded system, and was wrong of me to abuse its shortcomings for a laugh, or because of anger. There is no excuse, and I hope you can forgive me.
I have leeched, I have left my computer unattended to get a drink, or grab a smoke, or just got distracted and wandered away. I have stood in DTV, and hid in battle. I have spawned with no armor or weapons, or just did not contribute properly. It is not fair to those who are genuinely attempting to play, and putting forth an effort only to have me benefit equally while contributing nothing. I have wronged you, and for this I am sorry.
I am a team wounder, I have hit friends, and enemies. I have lashed out in anger, and love. I have struck on accident, and accidentally on purpose. Regardless of the motive, it is against the rules and hurt those trying to play fairly. My selfishness has jeopardized my teams chances of winning a round, and for this I am sorry, it was rude of me and unjust.
I am a teamkiller. I have slain my comrades, friend and foe alike.There is no excuse or valid reason to do this when it was done on intentionally. Even if the person I am killing is my friend, I may cost my team its multiplier by weakening it from within. Killing someone on my team is not an appropriate way to handle these types of situations, and I am sorry for this selfish act, and hope you can forgive me.
I know there is a lot listed here for me to account for. If its any small consolation it took me days of trying, hours of thinking, and many failed attempts to write this. I would put the words to page, but with so much grievous charges against me they just rang hollow on the page. Having to dwell so long on each wrong I have done, and form them into a suitable substance to be presented to the world opens your eyes to the error of your ways. It seemed like such a daunting task, impossible to accomplish. I almost gave up before I even began. I couldn't do that though, because I love this game to much. I hope my words move you, and I would like to ask the community's forgiveness, and to be given another chance. When you asked me to write this essay, and to detail the rules I have broken I laughed about it at first. But this was hard, possibly the hardest paper I've ever written. It made me aware of my transgressions, made me stare myself into the eyes and truly see the color of my soul. How do you detail so much wrong and then follow it up with a reason to be allowed back? You cant. This is what scared me, and why so much thought and time went into writing this essay. Because my love of the game compelled me to try, and so I humbly throw myself at your mercy and ask your forgiveness and to be given another chance.
I can genuinely say that writing this paper has changed me, Id like to promise to never do any of the above things again but I know the words would fall on deaf ears. You have heard such things many times before, and so to have I said them. Just know that no matter what you decide, this paper and my apology are both sincere.
I know I said I was never going to write an unban essay but I was convinced to put this out for all of you to see. Thank you for taking the time to read this, I really appreciate it.
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