As the sun rises, first rays of light gently paint the vast meadows surrounding the eastern forests into a soft yellow, unfortunately not soft enough for the burdened eyes of the man awakening to them, awkwardly shading his face... He is alone but for his loyal donkey, with whom he has shared more than most people experience in a lifetime. His hands forcefully caress the soft grey fur of his companion's neck, digging deep into the hairy isolation against the cool breeze that blows through this autumn landscape. Do not worry fellow readers, for this story will not end up being a tale of zoophilia and radiators, hopefully.
"The only thing more gay than these things is the fact that they're always so popular" cried Xant as he engaged in gay sex. They were running day and night for several days, as their fear of being caught by a local gang of savage rapists, lead by infamous Xant, was giving them inhuman strength, only comparable to Xant's unyielding lust for genitalia!
"I never asked for this" Thought Xant, remembering the peaceful and slow days as a young child, before he killed and raped his grandmother. But then Xant started to preach about multiculturalism ruining the scandinavian countries and sieg heiling. Though it wasn't the ruining of multiculturalism of Scandinavia or the Sieg Heiling that he treasured the most but the late-night discussions about logic at the camp fire with his men. They would usually talk about all the dicks they had seen and how they had pleasured Xant's baby penis after a successful night of raping.
Rape and plunder wasn't his only concerns that night when he let his eyes wander along the horizon with the moon raising behind it. His main concern, was the capture of two runaways: a trapeze acrobat and his donkey, who were a property of Xant's little brother - Xant Jr, the owner of the "Einstein's Chocolate Chip Cookie" Circus.
''They logically can't have run away you retard, your argument is invalid, let me outline the logical reasons why they're still here'' Xant shouted at the empty cell, which remained empty despite his best logic. Xant flexed his muscles and a vain in his forehead came out shaped like a penis, noticeably larger than his real penis. "All is good friend" a tall grown figure had stepped out of the darkness behind him, laying his heavy hand on Xants shoulder, continuing in a deep, reassuring voice: "Come sit by the fire with us and let me refurbish your nail varnish."
Something remotely resembling a smile, twitched Xant's beastly features, as he heard the familiar voice: his mother was already preparing the bright pink varnish, and unfolding her wrinkled saggy breasts - the favorite source of Xant's nourishment.
''And no more raping for today, little rascal, remember we have a dentist appointment, your teeth are hurting me too much lately.'' Said Xant's mother.
"Nerds" said the aged warrior waradin, turning his back to his fellow rapists, deeply sore - for no one had asked to color his nails in that darling candy pink. Noone fights in real life anymore, he continued his hissy fit to the gathered band of forceful anal explorers. They start by searching for a lost ring that Waradin had inserted in his anus while escaping the royal chambers of count Choke A-lot. Waradin was afraid that the ring might give him anal mushrooms. Many of the anal explorers tried to pull the ring out, but no one could find it, was it a silly excuse for Waradin just to get a rim job? This, at least, was what went through Radiator's mind, the gangs warmest brother.
Meanwhile, in the Halls of Uxhal's merchant guild, lord Harpag and lord Hetman relaxed their belts after this fruitful reunion and dinner. Dinner had been an elaborate affair, with 10 minutes at the start dedicated to Hetman constructing an elaborate Tipi of ladders around the table to provide a familiar sense of comfort and security. The two men bashed their jugs of horse semen together and toasted the occasion that had brought them here today, a penis measurement contest. They flop out their half-soft cocks and start munching on a roasted pig while looking at each others penises. "Mine is bigger" Hetman said with a proud voice, "Bah, you can't even looks straight, you drunken incest child!" Harpag cried. "Then how can we measure our dicks then?" Asked Hetman, "you fucking idiot, we use the kittens tail to measure it" Harpag replied.
In that very moment, the heavy wooden doors to the street swing open and a gust of wind dashes through the room, sweeping the jugs off the table and on to the floor... driblets of seamen - about to ruin the carpet - swiftly get caught by the kittens tongue, which, like the seamen hungry pussy she was, had jumped off the table faster then a cabbage under a butchers cleaver could call out "donkeyballs". And in stepped a bedraggled trapeze artist and his donkey companion, who tied his donkey fast, stooped under the ladder Tipi and sat next to the lords Harpag and Hetman before you could say 'Kurwa'! Despite his humble appearance, just before Hetman sent him away, Harpag offered him cider and observed his brooch, that of an old family of the people from the desert, and greeted him in Russian: " У меня гусиная кожа на лбу, что делать?".
Hetman grabbed his pincer and said "let us see who got the strongest penis!" He placed it around Harpags now fully erect penis and he shrugged when the cold metal touched his penis, making it slightly smaller. Harpag cried out "Ey! That metal is making it soften-up, that's not fair!" "Shut up, I'll bend it like a true polish carpenter" Hetman replied.
A smirk appeared on
Ivanich's face while reaching out for his fabled donkey to pet him in delight and watch the penis measuring contest reach its pinnacle... a smirk that abruptly vanished as a stinging ache rose up inside him while leaning back, painfully bringing to his mind the horrors he had to endure during his entrapment not long ago. It had been his own fault, really, with his lack of regard for safety.
By now Hetman and Harpags penises had grown to an immense size, still Ivan just looked at them and said "Hah! Those cocks are as small as my father's penis when I was a little boy. This, is a penis!" he cried and used two hands to unfold a giant soft cock of immense proportions, he started rubbing it and it stood up like a navy captains jimmies on a hot day.
