OMG ARMPIT I MISSED YOU WHERE YOU BEEN
I will have to rely on good old Led Zep to tell my story:
Oh, let the sun beat down upon my face, stars fill my dreams
I am a traveler of both time and space, to be where I have been
To sit with elders of the gentle race, this world has seldom seen
They talk of days for which they sit and wait, all will be revealed
EDIT:
But yeah, anyway, i was locked up in that alien mental asylum on one of Jupiter's moons. I had hard time establishing my precise position, since It was high security underground facility, and I had very little time outside. I can tell you one thing - that moon was definitely smaller, compared to Earth. I figured that out as my legs gained supernatural strength by Earthly standards, so I was able to propel myself about 20 meters above the surface.
Lower gravity was, what ultimately led to my escape - I was training countless hours without giving my body a rest, but in the end, all that hard work paid off, and I was able to eject my semen with unparalleled force and precision! And so, when the guards came to take my daily anal probing, i was ready: by gently stroking my phallus for several hours in advance, I have left them no chance - the sheer force of the blast sent me spinning backwards against my cell wall, while both guards were near disintegrated upon the impact. On my way out, i paid a visit to the asylum's warden, and made him an anal probing of such a grandeur, that his postmortem facial expression will, no doubt, result in a closed-coffin funeral, and be the cause of repeating nightmares among those, who have witnessed it.
.. more later, when i am home, and smoked some weed:
Poll