Joe was jerking off when someone knocked.
He jumped, surprised that someone would interrupt his happy-time. He hurried to hide the lotion and tissues under his bed, then gestured frantically at the horse on the other side of the room. She needed to make herself decent.
She looked at him. "Joe," she said, "I'm a horse. What the fuck are you asking of me?"
"Fuck you, you callous whore!"
"Alright then, I'll be in the corner." She returned to her usual spot. Her eyes unfocused, distracted by something only horses could see.
Joe opened the door, peeking his head out, hiding his still naked body behind it. To his surprise, he saw Kesh. "Hi Joe," she said.
"Oh, Kesh, good to see you." He opened the door all the way, revealing his physical beauty. He and Kesh were comfortable enough for this sort of thing.
Kesh shielded her eyes, murmured, "I should have expected that."
"How can I help you?" Joe hadn't meant for that to sound so sexy.
"I need you to watch my little Bambino for me. I need to run to EU to get some more troops and gold."
"Ah, the child. I'll keep him safe, coach."
Joe walked past Kesh, heading towards his friend's quarters. He knew that that's where he'd find the child. He'd played babysitter before--all of FCC had, at some point. It was fun, watching the Bambino. MURDERTRON hated it. Which makes sense, because MURDERTRON's a robot and robots don't usually do well with children, in Joe's experience. Everyone else enjoyed it in their own way.
He arrived at Kesh's quarters in good time. The door was kept unlocked, because the wee baby inside was too fucking stupid to open it. Dumbass.
Joe stepped in. A breeze from an open window graced his loins, slick with sweat. Sitting on the carpet in the middle of the room was the wee baby Bambino. All 150 pounds of diaper wearing, mustache-twirling, Italiano man-child. He was playing with a hunk of pepperoni, but looked up when Joe entered.
He struggled to form a coherent thought. "D-dad?"
"No. Shut up." Joe walked past the boy and sat himself on the bed and stared at the "Bambino".
Kesh had brought him home after a hard-fought battle. The retarded man-child was the leader of a group of conniving Frenchmen that was warring with FCC. Kesh had captured him--formerly known as Arowaine, with great ease, as he had found him idly strolling through the carnage of battle munching on a slice of pizza. According to Kesh, all he had to do was grab Arowaine by the hand and he just sorta followed him.
They had wanted to kill Arowaine. But Joe had suggested that they put him in a diaper and keep him in Kesh's room. Kesh was down, as was everyone else. They all decided to take turns watching him, each with their own reason. MURDERTRON was hard to guess at, what with his inhumanity. WITCHCRAFT used his babysitting time to teach Bambino spells. The dread Terrortops liked to scare little Bambino with his odd deformity. Joe harassed him. Kesh's motives were most likely sexual.
In a throwback to tradition, they renamed him "Bambino".
The child cast a skittish glance at Joe--this after having avoided his silent staring for so long. It was hilarious. This was why watching "Bambino" was so fun--the big baby was just so easy to fuck with. Joe smiled. "Hey, how about I read you a story?"
Bambino stared.
"Once upon a time--"
"Pictures?"
"What?" Joe said.
"P-pictures?" The little man-child made a gesture with his hands, as if opening a book. Joe noted the hairy knuckles.
Joe got it. "Oh, you want pictures with your story? Like a picture-book?"
The Frenchman nodded, his mustache bobbing. He was happy.
Joe laid back on the bed and pissed across the room, his urine arcing onto Arowaine's face. The guy swallowed a whole mouthful before noticing. He tried to crawl away, but there was no escape--Joe's stream chased him down without mercy, like a charging horseman falling upon a routing soldier.
He ran out of urine, and sat back up.
"Where's dad?" the piss-coated man on the ground wined.
Joe opened his mouth to give a sassy reply, but a sudden bang echoed in the corridor outside. It sounded like somebody dropped something, like a servant's tray. The Bambino looked started. Joe had an idea. He said, "Uh oh!"
Bambino-waine's attention snapped to Joe.
"Sounds like Keshy-daddy fell down the stairs!"
"NO!"
"HE DIED!"
"MIO PAPPA! NO!" He screamed. He cried. He rolled around in Joe's piss. He sobbed.
Kesh walked in, just then. He looked from the bawling Frenchman to Joe. Clearly smelled piss.
Joe smiled, and left.
On his way out, he leaned down, very close to the man-child. He whispered, "Don't be so mad."
