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How awesome is my essay?

1 (fail)
83 (70.3%)
2
8 (6.8%)
3
12 (10.2%)
4
2 (1.7%)
5 (perfect)
13 (11%)

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Author Topic: [unban essay] hospitaller_kimichi [unbeatable essay somewhat revised]  (Read 5511 times)

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Offline Kimichi

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Leeching and me

   Games have been around since the beginning of our existence. They have evolved around the technology we develop. This evolution shapes our existence economically, socially, and regionally. It is hard wired in our DNA to be competitive and comparative. Not a single person in this world lives without comparison. nor do they ever fail to compare themselves to another. What we all strive for is to be better than our peers to reach the pinnacle of success.
   It is interesting how the competitive spirit becomes the driving force behind everything we do. History tells us the wars fought over regions of "unexplored" territory created the need to become economically dominant to ensure the expansion of said ruling government. This lust for greed created the economies we see today along with the downfalls of financial inequality. The basis for making money is taking away money from another person. This in turn creates poverty, social dismay, and unnecessary financial burdens. There is a very simple solution to let any form of government raise taxes enough to provide our basic human needs for food, clothing, housing, and water.
        Looking at the big picture we are nothing but a spec in the universe but when we go about our daily lives; we live in the moment without believing in the butterfly effect.  In my opinion there is no problem to live with no beliefs, but I believe there does come a point where the things we choose to do as a collective whole dictate the state of our universe, world, and countries.  To put it into perspective the pollution we leave for mother earth to soak up will have adverse affects on us in the future. Nothing as far as I can see is being done if none of your day to day peers are worried about it, the solution to this problem is not to waste any resources like used chemicals, trash, and anything that cannot decompose.
       To compare me to someone else for whatever I have done or however I have acted upon in the past is unjust in my views. I am sorry for disrupting your livelihood in game but unfortunately I don't have the time or resources to dedicate most of my time to a game. I was busy doing real life work and making monies, so that I can keep this luxury to continue to play this game.
   Who am I to say that my real life is more important than a mere video game? Or is it that video games can be part of real life? This life that I speak of, can there be any right way to live it? Or am I just wasting my space typing these words? Personally I want to be remembered for being something great. The universe already acknowledges me, the question is will our written history remember me.
   Unfortunately being primitive people we cannot communicate in such manners that express our true feelings. I could say I am feeling sad but am I really sad? I could say that I am feeling happy, am I really happy? To take it a step further how happy was I compared to a previous time I said the same thing. The question we must ask ourselves is how should we spend our days? Better yet no matter how I spend my days I will have a great impact on this universe or multiverse.
   Simplicity does really bring me joy in writing; I find that writing in such a fashion will bring communication to an intimate level. It makes me feel that I can communicate to all sorts of people whether they understand what I say to any degree. If they read it well than they can take some of my perspective and if not than they will take on a new one regardless. Socially speaking all my words may shed new light for a better tomorrow and rekindle ideas that once were thought of hearsay.
   I will change the world one particle at a time. The world does not revolve around beliefs, it revolves around our actions. There is no stopping me and I will succeed. No matter where I go or how I act there will be no standard that can break me. I am the bar and I break the rules to bring forth the future. The paradox with in me will never be understood and once it is you will be free.


« Last Edit: May 08, 2011, 03:24:41 am by Kimichi »
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Offline Reinhardt

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Re: [unban essay] hospitaller_kimichi [unbeatable essay]
« Reply #1 on: May 06, 2011, 02:30:42 pm »
0
I give it a 3 for sounding intelligent, but you went off-topic. I see nothing here about leeching aside from "rules". :/
"A leader is a dealer in hope."

Offline Xant

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Re: [unban essay] hospitaller_kimichi [unbeatable essay]
« Reply #2 on: May 06, 2011, 05:02:02 pm »
+1
I give it a 0 for trying to sound intelligent but really just being dumb
Meaning lies as much
in the mind of the reader
as in the Haiku.

Offline Tor!

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Re: [unban essay] hospitaller_kimichi [unbeatable essay]
« Reply #3 on: May 06, 2011, 05:06:43 pm »
0
I am the bar and I break the rules to bring forth the future. The paradox with in me will never be understood and once it is you will be free.

So you are basicly saying that you will keep breaking rules?  :lol:
[00:53] <xant> i used to play on eu_1
[00:53] <xant> then i took an arrow to the knee

Offline nuffen

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Re: [unban essay] hospitaller_kimichi [unbeatable essay]
« Reply #4 on: May 06, 2011, 05:06:55 pm »
0
Uhm, this aint about you leeching..
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Offline Espu

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Re: [unban essay] hospitaller_kimichi [unbeatable essay]
« Reply #5 on: May 07, 2011, 12:26:04 am »
0
This really was not about leeching or anything even close to the topic and looks suspiciously like direct copy-paste.

Offline Kimichi

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Re: [unban essay] hospitaller_kimichi [unbeatable essay]
« Reply #6 on: May 07, 2011, 02:10:59 am »
0
When you speak to someone, you tend to use the same keywords over and over. When I write I can pull any piece of literature I wrote earlier and formulate to fit into the topic I am writing about.

I am appalled that you think in any form it is a copy-paste because I doubt you have the keen eye that a professor does. However some of the phrases that I am sure you have heard in movies or possibly books if you ever read them... Sorry in advance if you have your masters or P.H.D. in English literature.

When you say it is not really about leeching, it in fact includes everything about leeching and more. You asked me to write something and I wrote what I thought. If you want me to write a response that I would think would appease you than I can do that in relation to "Leeching and Me."

It is unfortunate how we tend to think that writing can be so complex, when in reality it is nothing more than thinking.

Also anything I write is just a rough draft and not meant to be in any form perfect or even make sense to the reader. To me a rough draft was best put in terms by my English teacher where you just vomit on the paper.
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Offline kukufarikki

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Re: [unban essay] hospitaller_kimichi [unbeatable essay]
« Reply #7 on: May 07, 2011, 02:23:24 am »
+1
[mumbo jumbo]

this essay does nothing but state that you are an anarchist and live like ulillillia, dreaming of your life as a video game and recording it in your dream journal

maybe if you were less about wanting to talk intimately with everyone and more about bringing your "changing the world one particle at a time" to full effect by taking out a weapon and killing other ppl in your video game world, you would see your dream come true
« Last Edit: May 07, 2011, 02:26:12 am by kukufarikki »
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I saw Tears and Shik put a bag over Goatee's kind innocent head and put him into the back of a FEMA truck! WAKE UP CRPG!

Offline Alex_C

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Re: [unban essay] hospitaller_kimichi [unbeatable essay]
« Reply #8 on: May 07, 2011, 01:56:01 pm »
+1
The topic was 'Leeching and Me', not 'Farcical Existentialist Bullshit Rhetoric'. Try harder to stay on topic please.

Gave a 1 because it was: off-topic; lacking in substance; over-using rhetorical questions; boring and it made the overly bold claim of being an 'unbeatable essay'.

###EDIT###

There was not even any kind of inclusion of the basic epistemology on which your arguments are based, which is rather bad practice.

Offline Kimichi

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-1
Clearly I need some highschoolers and undergrads to teach me their writing styles and how to stay on topic.
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Offline Casimir

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apparently so.

REDRAFT
Turtles

Offline Alex_C

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Still no mention of your epistemology.

Offline ManOfWar

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Im not sure what he did wrong?
Just a soldier

Offline Patricia

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Im not sure what he did wrong?

It had nothing to do about leeching, the wall of text kind of hurt my eyes, claiming it's an "unbeatable essay" which it isn't and quoting Alex_C "The topic was 'Leeching and Me', not 'Farcical Existentialist Bullshit Rhetoric'."

Offline Kimichi

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I forgot to add I need artards to critique my work as well, thanks.

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