The Crusaders of Acre declare war on the satanist Frisians

[kasMVC]

Prepare yourself heathens. You pray to some false deity and declare your... piety.

Frisia and bros about to rip your cliche crusader society

Verily, thee hast slighted that which yon cannot comprehend

Ima put it in your butt real confident

Because you picked the wrong bros to throw your goals - at

I got 3 mallards and we got loud quacks

You shoulda done your research and double checked your facts

Frisia aint nothin to duck with... and thats that

[Penguin]

Part II, Man's Corruption

The passing of time saw the tree become legend; its name now long lost. Man walked the earth now, perfect and innocent, and among them all the animals. But the red serpent conspired, for it had been born shrewd and resented God's love toward man.

The serpent approached a man and said to him "Why is it you have never climbed up that mountain?"

The man said to the serpent, "The way is arduous and God has forbid us from attempting such a trek."

"God loves you and gave you all the earth," The serpent said, "Surely he would want you to see all of it."

Then the man looked towards the mountain and saw that the path was not so long, and that the view from the top must be glorious. And so the man climbed after the serpent for 3 days and 3 nights. When he reached the top he beheld God's tree that had been kept secret. The man suddenly felt a strange sensation between his legs. His member swelled and burst, such was the ecstasy the man cried to the heavens.

The Lord God heard man's cry and called out "What is this you have done?"

The man said, "The serpent deceived me, and I came."

So the Lord God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this,

“Cursed are you above all things
You will walk the earth as mortal
and you will eat cheetos
and thirst for mountain dew all the days of your life.
And I will curse all your offspring with a head of fire
They will lay with women but lust for men,
and banished be they to an eternal basement;
The sun will burn their skin,
with beards that only touch thine necks.”

To the man he said,

“Cursed is the ground because of you;
through painful toil you will eat food from it
all the days of your life.
You will lust for all things timber
and carnal desires never satiated
until you return to the ground,
since from it you were taken;
for dust you are
and to dust you will return.”

And so the Tree had been so warped by man's desires, even God could not look upon it. He took from it all its wood and gave it to the man. and said
"Go forth and build cities as testament to your shame, banished you are from these lands in all its abundance"

And so the cursed two set out, the man to the west to present day Dustruil and the serpent to the far east, to lament far from sight of the holy land.

[PickUPNRun]

visitors can't see pics , please register or login

ACRE Clearly has the advantage here, all we have to do is extend our arms and grab your legs. We'll just let gravity do the rest. ;D

I believe this is an accurate representation of how the war will end.

[Jack1]

ACRE Clearly has the advantage here, all we have to do is extend our arms and grab your legs. We'll just let gravity do the rest. ;D

I believe this is an accurate representation of how the war will end.

When exactly are you planning to attack? We have been waiting for what, a month?Last time you sent one army and we ended up being the fat kid in that video. I'm still waiting for you guys to pour into our meat grinder.

[kasMVC]

Or you could scrim us you cowards

[njames89]

As James VII sat in his home, by the fire in the beautiful snowy village of New Slezkh, maniacally sharpening his longsword and daydreaming of goring frisians a rider arrived from Yruma. It was Brother Kilge coming to bring word of enemy troop movements by the filthy frisians. “Sir the heathens ride near our lands” announced Kilge.

With a grin on his face James threw more of the frisians threats and shitpost letters into the fire and said to Kilge “A great day is coming. Send word to our brothers, if the fools are bold enough to attack we will smash them on our walls and cut them down in the fields.  In the name of Good King Reinhardt , Acre and for the Holy chadz we must do our duty to defend our lands and rid Nova Calradia of the frisian scourge that plagues the promising and growing Nova Calradia.”

James couldn’t help himself but to feel the adrenaline flow through him at the thought of the opportunities that would come for him to sink his steel into frisian flesh that would come. He retired to his room filled with refugee frisian women who were able to escape the clutches of the filthy deranged frisians.

Upon waking and letting the train of whores leave his accommodations James issued the order that all frisian shitposting be delivered to him personally for its humorous and laughable nature. Surely nothing could be so funny as to see a bunch of tired trolls attempt to win a war through words. Truly there was no better feeling than to be on a crusade to purge the world of evil.

James pondered the suggestion of one of the fraisins of a scrimmage, perhaps it could be arranged in the coming weeks.

[Sandersson Jankins]

As James VII sat in his home, by the fire in the beautiful snowy village of New Slezkh, maniacally sharpening his longsword and daydreaming of goring frisians a rider arrived from Yruma. It was Brother Kilge coming to bring word of enemy troop movements by the filthy frisians. “Sir the heathens ride near our lands” announced Kilge.

With a grin on his face James threw more of the frisians threats and shitpost letters into the fire and said to Kilge “A great day is coming. Send word to our brothers, if the fools are bold enough to attack we will smash them on our walls and cut them down in the fields.  In the name of Good King Reinhardt , Acre and for the Holy chadz we must do our duty to defend our lands and rid Nova Calradia of the frisian scourge that plagues the promising and growing Nova Calradia.”

James couldn’t help himself but to feel the adrenaline flow through him at the thought of the opportunities that would come for him to sink his steel into frisian flesh that would come. He retired to his room filled with refugee frisian women who were able to escape the clutches of the filthy deranged frisians.

Upon waking and letting the train of whores leave his accommodations James issued the order that all frisian shitposting be delivered to him personally for its humorous and laughable nature. Surely nothing could be so funny as to see a bunch of tired trolls attempt to win a war through words. Truly there was no better feeling than to be on a crusade to purge the world of evil.

James pondered the suggestion of one of the fraisins of a scrimmage, perhaps it could be arranged in the coming weeks.

If you intend to attack our armies in the field, I readily invite such a move. Perhaps we'll even get a large hill to sit our asses on. If not, kindly allow us to attack your villages repeatedly. We've been rather upset that you've not made but a single attack on us after making this thread, so we decided we may take the fight to your doorsteps rather than wait on you. It seemed that you weren't keen on coming after our fiefs; maybe you'll be eager to attack our warbands instead.

[PickUPNRun]

If you intend to attack our armies in the field, I readily invite such a move. Perhaps we'll even get a large hill to sit our asses on. If not, kindly allow us to attack your villages repeatedly. We've been rather upset that you've not made but a single attack on us after making this thread, so we decided we may take the fight to your doorsteps rather than wait on you. It seemed that you weren't keen on coming after our fiefs; maybe you'll be eager to attack our warbands instead.

I've got a four inch and three quarter sized penis, seeming you've not excelled at anything else in life will you pleasure me for money?
Just a quick review, how soft would you say your lips are? On a scale from one to ten, one being non-refrigerated butter and ten being a fifty year old prostitute who refuses to use any form of lip softener.

[Jack1]

Life of jack1 (part 2)



As the festivities went on, it was finally king Sanderson's turn for the talent show. He readily and eagerly went up to the stage and sat on the stool. He tried to quiet the magnificent croud of five. When all of the onlookers settled down he finally started to perform his world famous puppet show.

After about ten minutes of drama and comedy from Sanderson it finally turned into a party. The finest of ales from the Frisian kingdom where brought, along with the tightest of whores. It was truly a night that jack1 was going to forget.

When jack1 finally woke up he noticed a small mound in the sheets next to him of which jack1 knew he must have had a good time with. The weirdest part was that the room had a very masculine smell along with the fact that there were pink stains all over the sheets. Jack1 just blew it off and decided to wait for her to wake up.

The stone room was very cold when jack1 got out of bed wearing nothing but a fanny pack. He slowly made his way to the great hall to grab some morning food. When he arrived the servants seemed a little bit out of wack. He knew that it was not because he was naked, he was like that every morning. He soon spoke to the head chef.

Chef: "what would you like today sir?"

Jack1: "oh I'll have some pancakes with a few bear shit cookies. By the way, why is everybody here so shakey?"

Chef: " well the pancakes will be about three minutes. Oh, and the reason that the servants are a little nervous is because we heard that acre is coming after us.

Jack1: " three minutes... I don't have that kind of time. And acre? Eh, there great for getting valor but as far as I've heard there just a bunch of pansies."

Chef: "okay, I'll have a made send up the pancakes and shit cookies to your room in a little."

Jack1: "your gay"

Jack1 knew very well that the chef was lieing, pancakes only take two minutes to cook.

Jack1 hastily made his way back to his room hoping to catch the girl in just the right mood. When he arrived, to his suprise, was a pink man that was extremely masculine. Jack1 just stood in the doorway staring at him and thinking "how much did I drink". This went on for a few minutes until the maid came in with his pancakes and shit cookies. At this time jack1 felt a huge pain in his backside.


To be continued...

[PoisonedTail]

Why can't the Frisian leader Daruvian ever make any good posts? Is he too brain dead from acid to do so?

[Smoothrich]

Why can't the Frisian leader Daruvian ever make any good posts? Is he too brain dead from acid to do so?

One summer, my friend gave me 10 sheets of acid to sell for him. I ended up taking them all and never seeing him again. That should answer any questions anyone ever had about me.

[njames89]

It had been a late night. Lawless Draculian thugs had appeared with haste to siege Karindi. Not so much as a declaration of war from them, James wondered if there was a shred of noble customs left in this great land of Nova Calradia.

 A knock at the chamber door proved to be Brother Whoopsie appearing with yet another frisian letter. "Sir the frisians have sent more homo erotic literature".

James replied " I simply haven't the time for it now burn it with the rest of the shite they've sent us".

"Gladly...perhaps we ought to save some of it to burn the heretics with when we have captured them." replied Whoopsie.

As Whoopsie left James reflected on the violent behavior of his men in recent months, training had done them well. They were turning into true weapons of God.

As he headed out to inspect the soldiers barracks James looked at another pile of delivered notes referencing a strange substance called "Acid". The context seemed to imply it had some effects similar to milk of the poppy, a dulling of the senses. Perhaps this is what they speak of. Strange days these indeed.

[Artyem]

Lawless Draculian thugs

I can't break the law... I AM THE LAW!

[njames89]

As one of the Draculs proclaimed that he himself was the law James made a point to explain to his men that an attitude as such is exactly why and how one would become a lawless thug. "Any decent man should have the balls to declare his war to his enemies" He proclaimed to his men.

*edited for rp continuity please forgive posted quickly without thinking of the RP*

[Relit]

It had been a late night. Lawless Draculian thugs had appeared with haste to siege Karindi. Not so much as a declaration of war from them, James wondered if there was a shred of noble customs left in this great land of Nova Calradia.

 A knock at the chamber door proved to be Brother Whoopsie appearing with yet another frisian letter. "Sir the frisians have sent more homo erotic literature".

James replied " I simply haven't the time for it now burn it with the rest of the shite they've sent us".

"Gladly...perhaps we ought to save some of it to burn the heretics with when we have captured them." replied Whoopsie.

As Whoopsie left James reflected on the violent behavior of his men in recent months, training had done them well. They were turning into true weapons of God.

As he headed out to inspect the soldiers barracks James looked at another pile of delivered notes referencing a strange substance called "Acid". The context seemed to imply it had some effects similar to milk of the poppy, a dulling of the senses. Perhaps this is what they speak of. Strange days these indeed.

As one of the Draculs proclaimed that he himself was the law James made a point to explain to his men that an attitude as such is exactly why and how one would become a lawless thug. "Any decent man should have the balls to declare his war to his enemies" He proclaimed to his men.

*edited for rp continuity please forgive posted quickly without thinking of the RP*

Warning to Acre: You are shitting in our backyard. There will be consequences.