This is not some trolling stuff... I know I shouldn't post here, but I had to tell someone.. No matter if you all laugh at me, I just had to let someone know.. I know it's easy to tell someone to just go get some friends.. But it jsut doesn't work like that.. I have been so long alone, it's hard.. I can't even talk normally with people anymore. When someone tells a joke to me, I don't laugh, not even smile... I don't know why, I wish I could just smile and laugh to all the things that normal my age people do... But I just can't, not anymore... And it's so hard cause I just can't tell anyone face to face about my situation... When I still was at school, and someone asked about my weekend.. I lied to them and told I was drinking, having fun with friends and stuff... In reality I was just sitting at home and hoping for weekend to go past fast. I can't tell the truth to new people I meet. I'm really kinda afraid of social situations, I mean when I go to work I get fine along with everyone as it's just work and I talk about work related stuff.. But if I have to talk about something else, I freak out and just be quiet... Seriously, I don't even have balls to suicide.. If I had I would've done so already.. It's a thing I've been thinking so much, but I just can't do it.. I've even googled for "Ways to suicide", but I just can't find a way that I could do...
Alright here is some real advice.
1. Don't tell anyone you meet about your issues. Keep them secret. If you tell them you will scare them off. Most people do not want to get involved with a friendship with someone who is depressed. It might be hard to keep this kind of thing to yourself, but you can't right away. When you have been friends with someone for a few months then you can start talking about the heavy stuff.
2. You need to actually make some friends. Here's how to go about it. You will need to find some hobbies, or you can try a pub. Pubs can be tough though since alcohol may impede your social skills moreso than they already are. Since you are here you obviously like video games, but this scene is mostly online. There are more social types of games, maybe go to a game store and see if you can find a gaming group for maybe a pen and paper RPG, board game, miniature game, card game ect. Make sure it is something you enjoy. If you don't enjoy games like this then find a different hobby. There are groups of people out there for a ton of different things. It will be a lot easier for you to talk to these people because you will share a common interest. The hardcore continguent of various hobbies will talk to ANYONE at length about their one true love (the hobby). It will be easy for you to converse with them since you will have learned a lot about the hobby and will be able to discuss it without feeling out of your element. Some of your fellow hobby aquaintences may end up becoming real friends.
3. Don't suicide because it is fucking stupid. I already posted it is mortal sin but in truth I am an athiest and believe that when a person dies that is it. No angels, no nirvana. END. Ceasing to exist is a hell of a lot worse than whatever you are going through. At least right now you have a chance to change this. Your those that believe in God or whatever they believe it will send you to hell, so either way it is poor option.
