I didn't criticize the story, I pointed out one error and questioned a part of the story.
But to further add critique, from the seemingly big amount of time the OP had to dispense for the intro and fancy redundant effects he could have bothered to use his brain and corrected things that are otherwise hard to overlook.
And I am free to criticize his work to the extent I choose, as he obviously deemed it ready for public viewing by posting it here, and without much disclaim about its quality or content other than the story which in itself was a feat of poorness (now I just criticized it).