Don't skip over this wall of text.
Why do I play this mod?
I get pissed off at this game once a day for any variety of reasons. I hate myself for playing this mod because I've wasted so many hours of my precious youth playing this.
It's do frustrating to lose when in try hard mode.
But I can't stop. I'm hooked like a crack fiend.
I hardly play any other video games than this and because of that, I have even more reason to play this.
It is the root of so much rage and hate built up inside of me. Literally 3 days ago I got so mad at this game I went outside and punched a cement wall as hard as I could. My hand bled for a little and all I could think of was how much I hate cRPG. But of fucking course I went back inside, bandaged my hand, took a shower and went to the duel server and only dueled completely new players on the duel server. Just to feel good about myself. What do I do cRPG community?
Huey. I'm always this beaming source of light and happiness when I play. Do you know why? There are a few reasons.
1. I LIMIT HOW MUCH I PLAY VIDEO GAMES. If it starts taking too much of my time, I stop and limit it. I'm probably about to take another a month break off from this game for my studying even. Need that socializing ^_^
2. I enjoy every kill more than I hate every one of my deaths. Every small little good thing that goes right, I enjoy it. I remind myself of them as I play.
3. When shit is bad and not fun, I don't play. Why play a GAME if it isn't FUN?
It started as a way for me to be really positive about enjoying video games, but it has spread elsewhere in my life too. Relentless optimism. It made games more fun, and it made me a more fun person out of game too. ALl I did was start forgetting the stupid little things that don't matter, and enjoying all the tiny little things. SHit like noticing when Someone killed me in a skillful way.
I could duel saulcanner 20 times and lose every single time and enjoy it more than you normally enjoy you going 20-4, huey. We have a different outlook on the gameplay. (for now)
There's a reason why I never wear head armor, usually play in peasant dresses, often punching people to death. Because if I don't give a fuck about the few deaths, it makes every kill I get way more satisfying to me and happier. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY: IT PREVENTS ME FROM PLAYING ON AUTOPILOT. YOU KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. IT KEEPS ME PLAYING THE GAME, NOT AUTOPILOT PLAYING FOR ME. If I play in normal try hard gear for a while, the gameplay goes secondary and I... am not playing anymore. My subconscious does everything in the droning, non-fun resulting way. I'll look up at the scoreboard and be genuinely surprised at how many kills I got. I won't have remembered killing more than 5 people, but I'll be 20-3. WHat? Where'd they go? Why don't I remember them? Why didn't I enjoy them?
Because it wasn't me playing. The result was that I wasn't happy. The only thing I had memory of was maybe 1/10th of my kills BUT ALL OF MY DEATHS. The deaths awoke me from autopilot, the only thing I had memory of.
That is a problem. I realized it one day.
Now I switch weapons every round, different gear, different fighting styles. I remain in control, enjoying all the little things, forgetting the small things.
I'm playing the game when I play now.
