I would make an excelent moderator, for I am God incarnate. I exist as a shining light of perfection amidst the human sea of flaws and imperfections. Like a beacon I light the way for those who wish to experience the truest of truths, and I can spell more gooder than most.
Please, allow my god-like powers of fairness and justice to bring their warmth to this cold hearth. While my contributions may be small in the grand scheme of things (of which I percieve in totality, because I'm perfect remember), I can only hope to use aforementioned metaphore-warmth to bring comfort to a few chilly, unmoderated, suffering hands. I SAY THIS AT LEAST, THAT NONE SHALL SUFFER THE HARSH BURNS OF ABUSE UNDER MY WATCH, FOR WHILE THE WARMTH OF MY GOD-LIKE MODERATION MAY BRING COMFORT, SO TO CAN IT BURN AND BRING AGONY. This I swear, in capital letters, at that.
Oh and I've been interneting for many a year at this pathetic point in my life. I've moderated many cs/dod servers because everybody tends to love me; and I have had some other random positions of responsibility both IRL and in the magical world of internets (again because everybody loves me). If necessary I can type even longer, more ridiculous things in order to prove just how perfect a mod I'd make.