So, to paraphase:
"Hey, Im not a douchebag, but I'm about to do what douchebags do. Please don't treat me like I am a douchebag afterwards though, because I'm not. I mean, I said I'm not one, so it must be true."
No, we call you a douchebag because of what you do. If you weren't a douchbag, you wouldn't do it. In this case, it is about what you DID, and what we label you is entirely irrelevant to how we will treat you for doing it.