Inside the tent of RandomDude was a grisly image. In one corner, a pile of scalps lay, bloodied and stinking just like their former owners. Atop a table sat a grinning skull. It used to belong to a fat merchant but now it served as RandomDude's personal candle holder.
RandomDude himself was sat at that table, putting the finishing touches upon a piece of parchment. Battle Plans. His eyes felt gritty and he was tired. The glint of sunlight from outside told him he had worked throughout the night.
'Time to inspect the troops.' he decided.
RandomDude got up from his seat and opened the tent flap. Stepping outside he closed his eyes to enjoy the feel of the morning air upon his tired face.
"Ahh, that's ni- OW!" RandomDude's enjoyment was interrupted by a kick in the ribs.
"Surprise!" shouted Deatherage as he scampered away from RandomDude.
"Deatherage!! How many times have I told you not to do that!? It's... It's... UNPROFFESSIONAL!!!
"Gotta keep you on your toes, milord!" Deatherage called back.
"GET BACK HERE!!!" RandomDude shouted but it fell on deaf ears. Deatherage was long gone.
RandomDude scanned the camp. Izu was sat outside his own tent, sheets of white cloth and buckets of paint surrounded him. RandomDude went over to take a look. Izu looked like he had just about finished his current work.
"Just in time, sir." Izu said. "What do you think?"
RandomDude analyzed the banner that Izu had painted. It was good. Really good. He couldnt help wondering what the device on the banner might look like in a different colour or on different backgrounds though.
"Nice work, Izu. I was thinking - could you do a few more but in different colours?" RandomDude smiled at Izu. Izu's face became set. After a few moments some words spluttered forth from between clenched teeth.
"A few more?? In different colours?? Why yes, milord," the sarcasm spewed forth. "Let me just flick my brush a few times and i'll be done in a jiffy, milord. Why I dont know why the last one took me SEVEN DAYS to make. I must of been slacking, milord..."
Randomdude began to back away, palms raised in surrender. "Ahhh... very good... I'll just go check on the morning food. Pleasedontkillme!
Having escaped to a safe distance, RandomDude stopped and wiped his brow with a handkerchief. He didnt have to go through this, surely?
"No, no, that's not quite right...." Another man's words carried over to RandomDude. He turned to see Tomas with one arm in a blue shirt, whilst a white one hung from his waist. Colours from the three different pairs of pants he was wearing could also be seen.
"Tomas!" RandomDude's authoritative voice carried across the camp to Tomas.
Tomas paused, one leg cocked in the air with a pair of pants half way up it. Whether he was taking them off or putting them on, RandomDude wasnt sure.
"Yes sir!" Tomas tried to stand to attention but a mild hopping was all he could manage, his latest pair of trousers still half on, half off.
RandomDude began to scold him "Why don't you just wear one thing at a time like everybody else? Is it fair that you get first dibs on clothing after every battle? No. I don't know where you get this from. You're more like a woman than a man. I tell you this, Tomas -" RandomDude stopped due to a low rumbling sound. Tomas stopped hopping, one ear cocked.
"Oh no..." Tomas began but couldnt finish his sentence as just then an avalanche of iron helmets, bracers, greaves and cuirasses broke through Tomas' poorly secured tent flap and enveloped him.
"Help meeeee....." was all RandomDude heard before the avalanche consumed Tomas.
After the dust settled all that could be seen of Tomas was one arm hanging limply out from the pile of armour.
RandomDude stared at the arm for a few moments, tutted, and then walked away to the practice range.
'Really'? He thought.
When RandomDude got to the practice area, Korbi and HarT were duelling.
"Have at thee dog!" Snarled HarT as he launched a vicious blow aimed at Korbi's head. Korbi grinned as he blocked the blow and then kicked HarT out of the way. "Bring it on, Old Timer!" He yelled back.
RandomDude watched them sparring a while longer and then spoke. "Have you seen Karl?"
"Karl?" Asked HarT. "The Shield? Yeah he's at the catapult firing range."
As RandomDude walked off he hear HarT telling Korbi about all the famous beers they made in his local village. Shaking his head he imagined Korbi with a humongous beer gut in ten years time, being safely guided from beerhall to beerhall by HarT.
As RandomDude approached the catapult firing range he saw a group of soldiers manning a catapult but couldnt see Karl there.
"Attention!" Cried one of the soldiers and they all smartly saluted. "Permission to continue excercise sir?"
"Permission granted." Allowed RandomDude. "Where's Karl?"
"Karl?" the soldiers seemed ignorant.
"The Shield?" RandomDude whined. "The Shield. Do you know where The Shield is?"
"Ohh! He's over there at the target area." The soldiers were ready to fire now.
"The target area?" RandomDude was perplexed. "Isn't that a bit dangerous? What if the stone hits Karl instead of one of the targets?"
"Ohh that won't happen." A soldier piped up.
"It won't?" RandomDude's mood lifted a little.
"No, that won't happen. He won't be mistanely hit instead of one of the targets because he IS the target. FIRE!"
"Whaaaa...?" RandomDude was left speechless as the catapult crew fired the catapult.
RandomDude's face became slack as his eyes followed the catapult stone along its arc in the sky. He could see a human shaped speck in the distance, shield raised high, and the stone was heading right for him.
"You traitorous fools! You've killed him." A loud clang and a thump punctuated RandomDude's words. RandomDude reached behind his back for his blade but he'd left it in his tent.
"But sir, he's fine. Look - he's walking over here now."
RandomDude was left speechless as Karl was indeed walking towards him and smiling. When Karl got closer he spoke. "Took a bit of paintwork off mah shield but no real damage done." Karl grinned as he patted his beloved shield.
RandomDude's senses were reeling. The kick. The banner. The armour avalanche and now a man capable of defying the laws of physics with a shield. At last he spoke. "Im going back to my tent..." RandomDude stalked off.
'Why cant I just have a normal army for once...." "Every other warlord has one. You dont see Bulgor the Bloody's men squabbling over the latest designer clothing from Wercheg. Rwarr the Rugged doesnt have his own men kicking him in the face for a laugh. He has RESPECT!...' RandomDude's rambling continued for quite some time.
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