Off Topic => Spam => Topic started by: Ikarus on June 20, 2016, 01:41:35 am
Title: The Rise of Catamitus
Post by: Ikarus on June 20, 2016, 01:41:35 am
In the past five years, I´ve never seriously played the singleplayer campaign of Warband, so I tried it.
After conquering half of the map, I found out that you can´t simply become king of an existing faction. Instead, you´ll have to make one on your own. This calls for a major buttfuckery of the kingdom of Vaegirs which I´ve literally raised myself.
After a short questionnaire on a infamous image board, the name for this analiation-centered faction is clear: Catamitus.
First plan now is to buy all the butter of Caladria so they can´t prepare their sweet rectums. Then I´ll enslave all the southern factions (since that´s what my white skin commands me) and use those black big schlongs to make the Vaegir empire fall. And then bend over.
and I said: "King Yarolek, your reign is over. This land now belongs to Catamitus and no ass shall be left behind." "You monster" he responded. "How did you manage to do that? I sent my soldiers to burn your villages, but they came back, mentally scarred and afraid, simply telling me over and over that the peasants were complaining that my soldiers raping was too "vanilla". What training did those peasants receive??" "None." I answered, "but god is on their side, they pray a lot in the church of Catamitus."
Yarolek remained silent. Then he said "Very well, you have won, King Rectum. I know I have caused you and your mean a lot of sorrow, but mellow your grudge and god will smile upon you."
And I said: "God is smiling upon me, King Yarolek, so have no fear. No human being shall do your rear any harm. You have my promise, for I am Rectum, the King of Catamitus."