cRPG

Strategus => Diplomacy => Topic started by: kasMVC on July 03, 2013, 03:55:38 am

Title: Business As Usual
Post by: kasMVC on July 03, 2013, 03:55:38 am
For how much longer would you have us suffer under their cruelty?   
They seek purity, yet leave misery in their stead.
They seek truth, yet remain blinded by their leader's blasphemies.
They seek legitimacy, yet spread injustice throughout the land. 

Who are you to deny us justice?


The drums have been sounded. The call has gone out. I eagerly await your answer soon.

Signed,

Cikel Le Mallard
Caliph Apollo Le Le

With a sigh, Sandersson crumpled the letter and tossed it half half halfheartedly over the ramparts of Rindyar. To his left Havelle the Cracked sat cackling whilst polishing his desk. Daruvian the Sincere could be heard from the courtyard screaming at the fresh recruits and telling them how bad they were. Pink The Elder was eagerly copying math scribes, and had been  doing so for the past 5 hours. If he listened extremely closely, Sandersson was sure he could make out Badoon wailing for a doctor to save him from his paper cut. Timmy the Monstrous was out porking some nobles wife, and Plex just sat around asking people "what" whenever they tried to talk to him. And of course, Jack the Dirty was off somewhere, half naked, chasing after the horses.

"Sometimes," Sandersson thought, "dis shit aint even half worth it."
Title: Re: Business As Usual
Post by: ildist on July 03, 2013, 05:38:28 am
kill you are self
Title: Re: Business As Usual
Post by: kasMVC on July 03, 2013, 06:24:43 am
Quote from: Arcuyus on July 03, 2013, 05:38:28 am
kill you are self

Thanks man coming from you that really inspires me
Title: Re: Business As Usual
Post by: kasMVC on July 03, 2013, 06:29:35 am
Cikel sat on his bed. He closed his eyes. He took the giant dildo in his hands and rammed it down his throat. His last thoughts were of joy and pure orgasm.
Title: Re: Business As Usual
Post by: GOBBLINKINGREATLEADER on July 03, 2013, 08:05:08 am
The Gay Knight of Frisia strode out of the keep of New Rindyar Castle in his blue brigandine, mail chausses, and mail mittens. His glorious spiked hair, styled with American Crew Fiber perfectly framed his beautiful face that bore small brown eyes and a thick brown beard. He looked towards a group of the filthy, scum-covered squires and pages that dwelled within the courtyard of the castle. The Gay Knight of Frisia observed that they were being welcomed to Rindyar Castle and trained by both Assington and Sandersson whom had just left the keep. The Gay Knight felt disgust for their ignorant, heterosexual, and cisgendered ways.

"Vietnam fucking shits", he muttered aloud while maintaining a plain and stoic gaze in their direction.

Disregarding them and moving forward down the laid brick path that lead to the gate, he motioned to Havelle the Kindhearted, his Squire, to follow him.

They exchanged the common greeting between Knights and their Squires in the realm of the Frisian Freedom: a smile and the words: "sup my old friend".

Havelle waved his hand signalling to the men guarding the gate that they wished to exit the castle.

The Gay Knight spoke to Havelle, "Squire, go collect only the finest of throwing stones--masterwork stones if you would--from the nearby area. My stores for the AssClapping_KnobGobblin_Phag are almost depleted."

Havelle immediately complied, desperate to please him.

The Gay Knight spent a few minutes walking around the perimeter of New Rindyar Castle pondering the defensibility of his castle. Surely not even the strongest of enemies, the my old friend Companies of Calradia, or HoGay could possibly seize this keep from his control. It's walls were steep, its battlements strong, and the resolve of its holders was as firm as the bricks and mortar that constituted the castle's walls.

Gazing away for a moment, The Gay Knight laid eyes upon his squire as the strapping boy bent over to pick up stone after stone. "I wouldn't mind throwing him my stones, if you know what I mean", The Gay Knight spoke aloud as if some audience was reading a transcript of his words on an internet forum because they are huge fucking nerds. He was an admirable young lad. They had fought together in many battles and Havelle had always been among the best of squires.

"What a my old friend", he thought to himself with pride in his squire.

"Sir!", Havelle shouted, "... there is something here! I picked it up thinking it was a rock, but it appears to be a message to you and Sandersson the Autistic."

"How interesting...", The Gay Knight commented, ".... bring it here."

The Gay Knight took the message from his squires hands. The squires hands use to be soft but since his time at New Rindyar Castle they had gotten calloused and hardened. His hands were often filled with small wooden splinters. The Gay Knight had asked him about this before, and it appeared to make Havelle uneasy, defensive, and cause him to speak of furniture. The Gay Knight thought this rather peculiar and so let the topic go, never to be mentioned again between the two of them. Still... sometimes he saw Havelle looking lustfully at the wood pieces in his fingers and speaking to them. Perhaps he would have to keep a closer eye on his Squire.

Snapping back into the moment, The Gay Knight opened the message and read its contents in full. When Havelle could see that he was done reading, he asked his Knight "Well, what did it say?"

In response The Gay Knight simply said "just a bunch of unintelligible, grimdark, edgy, homo shit", and immediately crumpled the message and threw it on the ground again.

"Why must everyone be such gays?", he thought to himself as he walked back into Rindyar Castle with his squire.
Title: Re: Business As Usual
Post by: Tanken on July 03, 2013, 09:16:30 am
Someone...."The Monty Python fans will get this joke. I'm sure of it" - Tanken's thought process...


Title: Re: Business As Usual
Post by: Jack1 on July 03, 2013, 03:29:42 pm
Quote from: Tank Burner on July 03, 2013, 09:16:30 am
Someone...."The Monty Python fans will get this joke. I'm sure of it" - Tanken's thought process...

Isn't that from that British comedy?

Edit:
(click to show/hide)

I think it was actually a reference to this. Mostly because tanken does i fact need somebody to love.
Title: Re: Business As Usual
Post by: MrPink44 on July 03, 2013, 08:36:53 pm
Ginaz's heart lifted immediately when he approached the castle walls of the mighty Rindyar Castle. "Home sweet home." he thought to himself sarcastically, yet not without a sense of longing deep within. Once through the gates he could see the daily activities that consumed the lives of the squires the bold and mercilessly un-satisfiable Daruvian the Gay Knight hammered into them day after day. Countless obscenities and homo-erotic yells filled the air of the otherwise peaceful castle but it made no matter to Ginaz as he passed through the courtyard. His mind drifted back to a night long before when he tested the stamina of Daruvian and left with naught but a sliver of his constitution intact.

Snapping out of such romantic revelry, as it was unbecoming of, his overtly serious id Ginaz strode up the battlements to find his scribe and Sandersson. With abject adoration in his eyes Ginaz saluted his commander and gave him the greeting of the day "Yo dawg, I bring the news from HoC lands." Wisking away his scribe for calculations later Sandersson turned his confused gaze off the horizon "I've seen the filthy Hounds have flown the banners of war, and Cikel and Apollo found Allah and are leaving us?"

"Gods help us." Ginaz spat "I've brought the goods from the south to include the rum from the sailors of the land of Jerry's that you personally requested."
"Very good?" Sandersson nodded and turned his confused eyes back to the horizon. Feeling a bit put out at this dismissal Ginaz wandered and did some scribbling with his assistant taking the better part of 5 hours to come down to the realization that one and one added together does actually make two. With such pitiful results for the time he disengaged from the menial task and slapped his scribe on the cheek. "We shall do better next time, yes?" the scribe merely teared up a bit and ran off ready to cry.

"Such a weak-hearted fool." he said yet again to himself as he found his steps taking him to the rooms of Havelle the Kindhearted. Standing in such an environment with no real reason of why he was there his gazed turned to a table that had been curiously gouged. With a tender gesture Ginaz traced the finely traced gouges in the wood and marveled at the craftsmanship of the table. Ginaz felt strange urges arise within him to wait for Havelle, which was not long. They exchanged an awkward greeting, in which he was certain Havelle address the table first but passed it off.

"I've been admiring your table Havelle," as he saw a slight sheen of sweat break out on his forehead he knew he was hitting a mark and pressed forward "such dedication to fine craft is something we swordmaster's find admirable in all things." Reaching out a hand he caressed Havelle's cheek and looked longingly in his eyes. "Cikel is leaving us and it saddens me, please show me your table since I feel such craftsmanship is the only thing that can ease my pain of his passing." He said softly as he closed the door.   
Title: Re: Business As Usual
Post by: Tanken on July 03, 2013, 08:38:32 pm
Quote from: Risen_Jack on July 03, 2013, 03:29:42 pm
Isn't that from that British comedy?

Edit:
(click to show/hide)

I think it was actually a reference to this. Mostly because tanken does i fact need somebody to love.

It's from Monty Python's movie The Meaning of Life.

Title: Re: Business As Usual
Post by: Timmy_TheMadBadNerd on July 04, 2013, 06:34:24 am
Having roused from another long night of drinking and stumbled (and possibly stubbled?) homoerotic confusion, the White Knight fully awoke to the sounds of a nearby Squire shouting about something. The White Knight approached the Squire known as Havelle and in the most polite and eloquent way asked "WUSS ALL 'ISH SHIT THEN."

Havelle replied with the message relayed to him earlier, "Cikel Le Mallard and Caliph Apollo Le Le have sent a message to the kingdom of Rindyar that they are leaving the Kingdom of Frisia."

"Wow those cuntqueens," replied an upset Knight.

"They have foreseen a conflict of internal strife and called to action for something to be able to fix such a great problem." The White Knight has now noticed that Havelle has been talking exclusively to his hands, not having looked up since the Knight had yelled at him earlier. Havelle's hands also featured many splinters that appear to have possibly been causing some health concerns. The White Knight considered mentioning the issue, but thought the better of himself and came to the conclusion that the Squire was simply working hard. Extremely hard. In the woodwork.

"Is that the result of you and the Gay Knight?" the White Knight asked, hoping not to startle him.

"W-what? N-no, not at all! I have just been working hard, trying to keep the kingdom stable. Do you think he would notice me though, fufu~?"

"...Sure, why not. About these issues however; do they appear to be working themselves out?"

"Well we are not quite sure," Havelle replied, still not looking up from his hands. "The Gay Knight and Sandersson the Autistic appear to have been addressed by the two leaving Caliphates. They do not quite know how to address it."

"What a dreadful time to live in, where an entire kingdom has not a way to fix its own internal conflicts. It makes me question its entire integrity. Surely the collective must be strong enough to band together and fix these problems, and find the strength to overcome such ignorant claims upon our just ruling. The Frisian Freedom has fought long and hard to maintain its legitimacy amongst a group maintained almost exclusively through inbreeding and shitflinging. These men have no right to rule a kingdom. I must go find our leaders now, for surely there is a solution that we are not seeing."

"Yes sir, you have an inspiring message, go with haste and great luck."

"Whatever my old friend, cya," replied the White Knight, "after that I'm fucking the first thing I find."
Title: Re: Business As Usual
Post by: partyboy on July 04, 2013, 07:20:23 am
LLJK spammed "I'm gay" way back when LLJK was still a thing.  And even at the time I thought that ironic fetishisation of homosexuality was problematic despite being a step up from the blatant homophobia of the cRPG community.
Title: Re: Business As Usual
Post by: GOBBLINKINGREATLEADER on July 04, 2013, 09:07:21 am
That's right Partyboy you hero of social justice, please remind us of all those things we are being willfully ignorant of directly and intentionally in spite of people who remind us! I don't know what I would do if people on the internet didn't try to remind me that I wasn't always strictly obeying the infallible moral compass of mainstream Western society! You are truly a hero. Thank you.

(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Business As Usual
Post by: MrPink44 on July 04, 2013, 04:50:45 pm
Just accept that it's harmless fun Partyboy and in no way are we attempting to attack anyone of the LGBT community for their personal choices.
Title: Re: Business As Usual
Post by: partyboy on July 05, 2013, 12:49:16 am
hey I said it was a big step up