cRPG

Strategus => Faction Halls => Topic started by: Panoply on September 19, 2011, 11:15:27 pm

Title: The Deli Cap Cult! (We Have Pastrami)
Post by: Panoply on September 19, 2011, 11:15:27 pm

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|"The Deli Cap Cult"|



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|Features|

The almighty Deli Cap is handcrafted by Xhosan dwarves in South Africa, using the patented quadruple sex technique (see diagram above).

The cap itself is made from the foreskins of a dozen especially well-endowed cheetahs.* The plumage is derived from a virgin ostrich, as certified by the South African Authority on Ornithochastity (SAAO). Its aesthetic and form-fitting design will be sure to impress your co-workers, your pets, and Nelson Mandela. Just place the cap on your head, and watch as the compliments, looks of envy, and discrete handjobs roll in.

So don't wait, get your deli cap now! For a limited time the deli cap (a 33 gold value!) will be available for just three easy payments of 11 gold.

Its many beneficial benefits include:
1.) You're wearing a deli cap.
2.) Increased fertility.
3.) Win the Nobel Peace prize.
4.) Siege flags are lowered and raised faster.
5.) Increases penis length noticeably by 1/16th of an inch.
6.) Baffling appearance to uneducated philistines and those lacking the hotfix.
and many, many more!
7.) 9 Head Armor

*As measured by two standard deviations above the mean cheetah member size. Side effects of the deli cap include compulsively and loudly announcing that you're wearing a deli cap, mild indigestion, coma, and/or death.

|Requirements to join|

1.) Must wear a Deli Cap.

2.) No homosexuals.

|Banner, tags, and other ritual regalia|

There is no banner.
There is no tag.
There is only the deli cap.

There are no other equipment restrictions because it is a well known physical and aesthetic phenomenon that the deli cap complements and completes any outfit, regardless of what *some* fashion chauvinists might say.

|Roster|

All heterosexuals wearing a deli cap.

|Testimonials|

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Hlakanyana says:

Since purchasing and donning the Deli Cap, I have noticed a threefold increase in the attention I receive from the ladies. This has led to much of the sex. As well, my peers now regard me with awe and admiration, when they would once curse me, kick me, and steal my meat.

With the cunning and confidence endowed upon me by my deli cap, I was able to steal and devour the meat of an ox that a nearby village had recently sacrificed. While I wore the deli cap, none could doubt the worth of my word, so when the crime was discovered, I framed an old man, and he was stoned in my stead.

Five stars! Thank you Deli Cap!

|It's deli-ghtful! It's deli-cious! It's a deli cap! Get yours today!|

Please leave testimonials and vanity photo's below.

Title: Re: The Deli Cap Cult! (We Have Pastrami)
Post by: The_Angle on September 19, 2011, 11:20:01 pm

I swear that I've seen this hat on a Ottoman soldier somewhere..

Title: Re: The Deli Cap Cult! (We Have Pastrami)
Post by: Panoply on September 19, 2011, 11:31:32 pm

What is it that you are implying? The Deli Cap transcends all socioculturoreligioeconomicofavoriteicecreamflavoral boundaries. It just so happens that South Africa is the only enlightened nation in which the production of this premier product is not illegal.

I must ask that you refrain from posting unless it is a glowing testimonial.

Title: Re: The Deli Cap Cult! (We Have Pastrami)
Post by: okiN on September 19, 2011, 11:38:24 pm

I do like me some pastrami. Does it come on rye?

Title: Re: The Deli Cap Cult! (We Have Pastrami)
Post by: Panoply on September 19, 2011, 11:45:50 pm

Yes as is customary in the North American style deli, the pastrami is piled high and served with mustard and bastardized jewish traditions on a classic rye.

In other news, all my hard work has payethed off, so any factions seeking a capable deli cap artisan... look no further! I am now personally capable of crafting higher quality deli caps.

Title: Re: The Deli Cap Cult! (We Have Pastrami)
Post by: okiN on September 20, 2011, 01:07:27 am

Quote from: Panoply on September 19, 2011, 11:45:50 pm

Yes as is customary in the North American style deli, the pastrami is piled high and served with mustard and bastardized jewish traditions on a classic rye.

Aw man, you're making me hungry. I wish they had that stuff over here, you can only get pastrami as cold cuts in Finland. While it's not bad as such it's quite dry, nothing like the juiciness of fresh brisket.

Title: Re: The Deli Cap Cult! (We Have Pastrami)
Post by: Keshian on September 20, 2011, 01:20:33 am

My zulu character Zulu_BigBlackSchlong endorses this thread and certifies that his schlong has indeed grown larger since wearing the deli cap in battle.  Its potency is obvious and you will continue to see him rampaging zulu style with the deli cap on the servers. 

P.S. Hate pastrami, but then again I am a vegetarian.

Title: Re: The Deli Cap Cult! (We Have Pastrami)
Post by: Memento_Mori on September 20, 2011, 08:12:00 am

This hat has brought C-rpg & Warband into a new age of leopard print & mohawk.

Long live this Golden Age of fashion.

Title: Re: The Deli Cap Cult! (We Have Pastrami)
Post by: BattalGazi on September 20, 2011, 01:03:27 pm

Whooaaaa I didn't see that one coming, neither Dede :) Without any arguement Deli Cap is the most fashionable headgear in the whole cRPG universe and is an inspiration to those with an eye to catch these important designs :)

Though I deeply support your enthusiastic fellowship of Deli Cap, it is one of my duties to strike out some of its relations to my clan and the culture it represents

(click to show/hide)

I failed to find an English version of this brief description, but a German version might also give an idea: http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deli_%28Soldat%29
This group called "Deliler" (meaning "Crazies") was formed of young soldiers who were very bold and fierce, too bold to be called crazy as they were the first group of line to attack the enemies all the time. Their most recognizable outfit were animal skin ( mainly bear, lion, leopard and hyena ) coverings with feathers. They were not really a heavy infantry type, but were fast and deadly. There's also a relation between these guys and the world fame "Ottoman Slap". It is rumored that as these warriors had only one handed weapons, they used their free bare hands to slap the enemy. When you think about it, this might be true considering they frightened the enemy line a lot. There should be a reason, right?  :)

Title: Re: The Deli Cap Cult! (We Have Pastrami)
Post by: H4rdn3ssKill3r on September 20, 2011, 05:17:01 pm

Oh fuck, oh fuck

The world will end when we get Deli caps and moon wolf t-shirts in one, fuck, fuck, fuck!

Title: Re: The Deli Cap Cult! (We Have Pastrami)
Post by: Brrrak on September 20, 2011, 05:42:58 pm

Incans_Huyana.

That is all.

Title: Re: The Deli Cap Cult! (We Have Pastrami)
Post by: Mechanix on September 20, 2011, 06:05:47 pm

Thanks to the deli cap, my girlfriend no longer says my penis is too small! I can finally change in front of her without embarrassment of knowing my penis is under an inch long!!
THANKS DELI CAP!!!

PS - This should be made a clan..

Title: Re: The Deli Cap Cult! (We Have Pastrami)
Post by: The_Angle on September 21, 2011, 02:14:04 am

Testimonial eh?...











FFFUUUU BOERKSFOEREVER!?!?!??!?!?!!!!1111!!11

Title: Re: The Deli Cap Cult! (We Have Pastrami)
Post by: isatis on September 28, 2011, 03:58:20 am

deli cap are magic magic I tell you!!

look and you'll see!:

(click to show/hide)

from a unknow author who didn't at all receive a free deli cap for this not at all promotionnal message:

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 (http://img1.imagilive.com/affiche/0911/mb386.jpg.htm)

yes I have to say it my other test with less quality hat(see the picture above) let me completly bored and for this is fairly important: killed
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 (http://img1.imagilive.com/affiche/0911/mb385.jpg.htm)
so on my complete will I bougth this wonderful aesthetically beautifull utterly amazing  hat  and for that point my life changed.
strange magical weapon like my migthy pumpkin on stick appear and helped me!
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 (http://img1.imagilive.com/affiche/0911/mb382b21.jpg.htm)
also I became a senior wizard capable of casting fire!
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 (http://img1.imagilive.com/affiche/0911/mb383ccb.jpg.htm)
on a final note: it got style, it got magic and it got amazing!
buy it an get another one for the same price!! no delivery fee and no tricks! deli cap is made of fine, well bred big cat! the feather are completly natural and are taken of bird our big cat kill! get one and it will have a life warrant*! get a deli cap and feel delightful!

* you gotta pay at each time deli cap get broken, go see any deli cap maker for service and for more information... ask our main fabrican chadz co!

:D

Title: Re: The Deli Cap Cult! (We Have Pastrami)
Post by: RandomDude on September 28, 2011, 04:20:23 am

Consider this post a declaration of war. WAR!

Title: Re: The Deli Cap Cult! (We Have Pastrami)
Post by: isatis on September 30, 2011, 04:12:11 am

Quote from: RandomDude on September 28, 2011, 04:20:23 am

Consider this post a declaration of war. WAR!

but but... we have pastrami!! so why war?

PASTRAMI!

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Title: Re: The Deli Cap Cult! (We Have Pastrami)
Post by: Mechanix on September 30, 2011, 07:37:38 am

THE DELI CAP DEMANDS PASTRAMI

Title: Re: The Deli Cap Cult! (We Have Pastrami)
Post by: TurmoilTom on October 03, 2011, 05:25:43 pm

http://forum.c-rpg.net/index.php/topic,17351.0.html