then get off reddit unfollow and have a good life? like just becouse you think my mental shit will last for ever is on u. did you ever consider that maybe it was streaming itself that made all these problems. i wanted to make it big so i poured my life out for everyone to watch. i exaggerated shit just like every big streamer does (ice,greek) ect. everything in my life was (content) until i ran out i had no more stories to tell no more quests no more content. and i got tired of pouring myself out for others and became deeply sad because i feel i had acctualy treated some people very poory in just trying so hard to apeal to an audience and create content that is drove me into anxiety that i did not understand the source of. this anxiety led to depression and ODC Hypercondria witch i still suffer from right now. i really believe that the person i was trying to be is what led me down this dark path. and all the streamers you fan boy over will one day say enough is a enough. just like sodapoppin ect. some acctually come out of it with a cereer and some dont. im hoping i can just play games and be myself and this will support me and im thankful for what i have but in deep regret i did not change years ago in fear of viewership drop. i kept trying to force content when their was none. i had a girlfriend so no more girl content i played a dead game so no gamplay content and i did not want to improv and anymore.
thus led to ditches countless fallouts with good friends. in my opinion the only freind that really cared at some point was reckful but even he was very negative alot of the time. and deffinitly hated the fact that i was getting more praise for our Collaborations. but even with his envy or what ever drove him against me be it me leaking shit or what ever. i still consider him the only real friend i had in all of my drama. soda has always been a anquentence of mine and quite frankly the drama we had i was in the wrong. i kept talking shit about lea even if i didnt like her i should of kept it to myself rather than catering to an audience. i was like the iduubz of twitch at that time no one could touch me without being criticized. baseicly i ran with it and i played it cool with the soda shit and everyone hated on him for legit saying some true shit. which i feel his pain in the fact that he spoke out said real shit and got shit on for it. just becouse alot of people wanna believe who is the most entertaining in that era which was my content. so here i am today dealing with manipulation from "friends" and wanting to get away from it and actually be real with myself. i could say the most real shit ever and no one will listen. you know why? becouse i am a lost sad anxous kid and i used to have the persona of a dumb ass half-alpha kid who didnt give a fuck and quite frankly that is who i was but circumstances have led me to be in defense vs my viewers rather than the leader of the plebs. its easy to crate good content when everyone is sucking your dick and egging you on. its alot harder to preforkm when your getting bood by the same fans that pogchamped years ago. and have now moved on to ice greek or w/e. i dont want to make a comeback with that viewer base and i hope to get away from people like you becouse as much as you wont admit it you do want the old not give a fuck mitch back.
and i cant be that mitch without approval if i get negative feedback im done for and i have told everyone my weakness so this is the vicous cycle. i was too open with my viewers and now they come to harass me becouse they know what will get to me. if you ever wanted the old mitch back you guys did fuck that up by just shitting on me for years. and legit never listening to a word i said even if what i said is true and yes my actions did not match my words alot of times but i went over why. the only way for me to crate that content again was to dump mira and have the same shallow life i had before her. yes i was the pleb king but i was all alone no one in my peer group respected me and if they did it was just beocouse of the viewers i pulled and i attrected the wrong frriends that just wanted fame and money and attention. one thing about me tho was i did this becouse it fell into my lap and i did not seek it out. most of the narcissistic people i have come into contact with seek it out and are very toxic. thus putting me deeper in my hole and yes mira was part of the problem. but only becouse i never had the balls to change which was inevitable and i could have done it 2 years ago and went from 10 to 5k gaming rahter then now having to bulild my gaming from 2k upward and rise from the ashes. but reagrdless of what you think of me i am just a dude who plays games and is a mess i am not a poser to gaming and only here for money and attention like some people on twitch. i could go on all day as i feel i have been in the shoes of every aspect of twitch and reputation from loved to hated ect. end story is i know what the fuck im talking about and it is quite frustrating that people think i just wanna start shit when i really dont i just wanted to entertain. and i want to get away from streamers who wear the same shoes i once did because they do the same shitty shit i did
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