Tydeus chose a very poor place to die of camel related injuries. His body fell in the barracks of
The Ignited Lances, mere feet from the arrow loops facing the captive goblin targets. Recent success with this means of execution once again caused me to overestimate the abilities of our dwarves; I placed 4 goblins in the chamber at once.
These goblins, though safe behind bars, are of the most terrifying aspect. So terrifying, in fact, that any civilians who catch sight of them flee as if they had seen hell itself. Tydeus's corpse lies rotting a few feet from these frightening monsters, so corpse collection has been a problem. The military won't move the body--that's civillian work--and the civillians won't go near the goblin--that's military work.
If Tydeus' body remains where it is, it will begin to rot and make the room uninhabitable for anyone.
Sigh, there's nothing for it but to pull the lever, release the goblins, and hope that the military can take them down without any casualties.
Eager to prove his quality, Dionysus was the first to charge the escaping goblins. He bowled over the first goblin, knocking it to the ground. He raised his obsidian sword high, ready to cement his reputation as a famed warrior, and brought it down with a crash on the goblin's exposed back. Miraculously, the sword bounced off of the goblin's troll fur cloak. He raised his weapon one again: Same sword, same cloak, same result. As he raised his sword a third time, he realized that the world was a bit more horizontal than he was used to. The cause was immediately clear: the goblin's heavy bronze mace had crashed into his femur, shattering the bone, and knocking him down. This sudden flash of insight was followed by a brief flash of pain, as the mace revisited his body once more, crushing his skull and ending the brave dwarf's life.
RIP
Clockworkkiller would not let this grave offense stand. He brought his own sword down on the goblin's impossibly durable cloak, but fared no better than his late companion. Next he leveled a blow at the goblin's helmet, hoping to cleave it in two. *PLINK* nothing happened. It was now Clockworkkiller's time to have a sudden flash of insight. These swords are terrible! He dropped the weapon and delivered a haymaker uppercut to the goblin's chin. Force of the blow drove his fist all the way up through the goblin's jaw and knocking it's helmet to the ground. His fist continued up through the brain and bust out from the top of the skull like the sudden appearance of a wildly inappropriate prop at a children's puppet show.
Rotfeast admired Clockworkkiller's macabre spectacle, and decided to contribute to the fanfare. His bronze scimitar lashed out a dozen times in quick succession, rapidly transforming the singular goblin into a room-wide display of meat-confetti.
The final two were riddled with turkey-bones, and died almost instantly.
***
The Liason from the dwarven capital has arrived, and brings news that SLAPMERCHANT is to be recognized as an official colony! Hooray! I'm not sure what that entails, but the liason
did ask which dwarf should be granted the title
Baron of SLAPMERCHANT. In honor of his military successes, and impeccable record for maintaining order, I nominated Shana. (Also, he has no left arm, and his right shoulder is completely ruined. How much can he abuse his noble title if he doesn't have any functioning arms?)
The liason also brought a new batch of immigrants.
Armpit Sweat - A mechanic. He is married to Darmaster. His eyebrows are extremely long. He likes Parakeet Men for their ability to speak.
Brrrak - A butcher/brewer. Her hair is clean shaven. She absolutely detests blood knats.
Darmaster - A fisherman. She is married to Armpit Sweat. She is quite durable but she is quite clumsy. She has a great ability to focus. She rarely completes tasks and is often overcome by distractions (???)
Gmnotutoo - A fisherman. He is very fat. He likes windows. His voice always trails off when he is thinking.
Ken456 - An herbalist/beekeeper. He is married to Malaclypse. He is thin and very muscular. He likes Rattlesnake Men for their warning rattle.
Kratos - A surgeon. She is married to Ramza. She is incredibly muscular. She likes Hamster Men for their puffy cheeks. She absolutely detests hamsters.
Malaclypse - A great potash maker. She is married to Ken456. She is mighty and agile. She likes Cuttlefish Men for their distinctive pupils. She is absolutely unfazed by the opinions of others.
Ramza - A hunter. He is married to Kratos. He is the father of ptx. He is very fat. When possible, he prefers to consume Giant Red Panda. He holds his breath when he is nervous.
Sparvico - A small animal dissector. He is married to Teeth. He is the son of HarryCrumb and HungrynBroke. He has a way with words and a feel for music but he has a poor creativity. He absolutely detests brown recluse spiders.
Teeth - A fish dissector. She is married to Sparvico. She is fat. Her teeth are tangled. She likes backpacks.
Tears of Destiny has succeeded in taming the Voracios Cave Dweller... partially. I'm not confident enough to give it a free run of the fortress, but I have put it to work: I've used a rope to tie it up near the front of our fort. Any nasties trying to get in will have to go through him.
Uh oh:
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Miraculously, he survives the ordeal. The fruits of his labor? A legendary bucket!
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Excellent.
An Elven Caravan has arrived! I was already planning on SLAPMERCHANTING them, but then I noticed they are using
camels as pack animals. Have they no shame? Stronger measures may be called for.
But before they could arrive and receive justice, they were ambushed by a pack of goblins.
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Malgalad, brave soul, refuses to let the chained beast fight alone. He runs to aid the Crawler by himself.
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I order the army out to save Malgalad. Needless to say, he doesn't make it. As the dwarves thunder across the field, they spy a harmless kingsnake. The main body splits off in hot pursuit of the snake, leaving San, NoodlenRice, Rotfeast and the maimed Shana to fight the goblins.
A goblin with a whip squares off again Shana. He lashes out at Shana's one remaining hand (the one attached to the broken and useless shoulder). He cuts it clean off.
Undaunted, the handless Shana proceeds to kick the goblin in the face until it dies.
This is why he is being promoted to Baron.
The feat was so incredible that San just turned around and walked back to the fort.
Rotfeast and NoodlenRice team up on the second goblin, the bronze scimitar slicing him apart as quickly as the crossbow-spam is able to bolt it back together. It shudders to the ground, a horrible frankenstein of wounds.
The rest of the army has arrived by now. The final goblin, sensing his imminent doom, tries to pad his KDA. He picks Baby Cochon out of the pack and dives for him.
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The dwarves, outnumbering their opponents by nearly 40, succeed in breaking every bone in the bodies of the last 2 goblins, leaving them to die on the field.
It is only after the din of battle clears that anybody notices Ramza and Tinoshi's absence. They will be missed.
Oh,
Despite the loss of his other hand, Shana remains the 2nd happiest dwarf in the fortress.
