The Temple of Spam

[Ikarus]

My mother is visiting me this week, and thought its been only like 6 hours, i am about to go nuts... Besides all kind of ridiculous shit i had to immediately buy ( like fucking rubber hand-gloves, potato peeler, etc. ), complains about not having an iron, mixer or big enough pots - she got her iphone locked, and she does not know her Apple id, but its saved in an SMS inside the phone.. Holy mother of god. It's like locking safe keys inside the safe... Now she is all frustrated cause she cant use her phone for a week. Heavens help me!

I know how you feel, you´re not alone. I hope she at least pays you off with cooking when you visit her 

[Thomek]

mixer or big enough pots

You need a mixer. So many awesome soups you can make. Impress bitches, feed friends, get out the aggression in the kitchen. I have an awesome hummus recipe. I'll tell u when u get that mixer.  Also, get the Senior Casserole next time in Ikea. Bake bread in it, Make soups or stews, or even pulled pork! It's iron so u can put it inside the oven no stress.

[Armpit_Sweat]

Lol how old is she? Same goes for my mother btw, she forgot her skype account/password. And her gmail account. And her samsung account. And her facebook account, which she only uses for candy crush.

She's a over fifty, and wasn't interested in any technology until she found few school friends on the internet... Still carrying a camera ( thankfully digital ) because, i am not joking here, because she got her iphone filled with pictures and she doesn't know how to transfer them on pc. She is writing most of her passwords etc. on paper in a notebook, but it's obviously back home at their place.

I know how you feel, you´re not alone. I hope she at least pays you off with cooking when you visit her 

She is cooking here too. We are eating out once a day, but she insists on making dinner. Can't complain Had pancakes with caviar the other day, and we are still not done with all the stuff she brought with her from home. There was even a rather big tupperware filled with home-fried chicken legs - when my eyebrows disappeared in the hairline, mother explained that she wasn't sure if i had any proper food at my place, so she came prepared in case we want to stay home the first day...

You need a mixer. So many awesome soups you can make. Impress bitches, feed friends, get out the aggression in the kitchen. I have an awesome hummus recipe. I'll tell u when u get that mixer.  Also, get the Senior Casserole next time in Ikea. Bake bread in it, Make soups or stews, or even pulled pork! It's iron so u can put it inside the oven no stress.

Well, if mother haven't already convinced me today, your arguments would I can totally see myself impressing bitches with this mfcker:

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That dude on the picture looks very happy, and both his bitches seem to be very impressed.

[IR_Kuoin]

He even got the  "over the shoulder rag" so you know he's doing good thanks to that mixer.

[Thomek]

Alright, my Hummus recipe, best one in Lodz.

Ingredients:
3 cloves of garlic
2 cans of chick peas
1 big spoon of Tahin
1 1/2 - 2 lemons. (the juice)
olive oil
1 ts cumin
salt
liberal black pepper

Topping:
Parsley
Red Paprika powder
quality olives. (aka expensive big green ones)

SECRET INGREDIENT:

(click to show/hide)

1 flat ts Green peppercorns in Brine
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HOWTO:
Chop up the garlic, put it in a bowl that will contain the hummus. Use a fork to squeeze the juice out of 1 1/2 lemons over it. Let the garlic sit in the lemonjuice for 5 mins! Let that acid work.

In the meantime, mix all the spices, the best is to use a mortar. Mix the spices and the tahin in with the garlic and lemonjuice. It will look like a disgusting brown mix, but smell fantastic.

Now, pay attention!

Open the two cans of chick peas. Pour out the juice of 1 of them (just 1), and throw them in. KEEP THE EMPTY CAN.
Now pour the juice from the second can into that the empty one. You are going to use that juice, together with olive oil to achieve the perfect consistency later on! Put all the chickpeas in the bowl.

Get your mixer and get down to business with it. You want smoothness, and now its all about finding that perfect consistency. Taste, you might probably want to add the last half a lemons worth of lemonjuice, couple of spoons of chickpeajuice, as well as some olive oil. You also want to add salt, but be careful, lemonjuice and salt do much of the same job. Find a balance!

When you are happy with taste and consistency, and it will taste awesome, you flatten the top of the hummus, and create a pattern. Use a fork to create ISIS symbols, Nazi symbols, or hypnotic circles.

Drizzle over hot red paprika, chopped parsley and plenty of olive oil. MAKE IT PRETTY!

Now, pay attention!

Serve it with quality green olives baguettes/bread. I prefer a variety with jalapeno inside. I also recommend just sticking the whole olive in the hummus with a fork and just eating it like that. It's heaven.

Women will stick to you like flies on sticky paper. Considering you are also Russian, you will come across as nothing less than a miracle.

Bon Appetit!

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[Utrakil]

Isn't it something like this visitors can't see pics , please register or login
 you need.
the mixer armpit just bought will never cut the chickpeas to this fine and creamy mass you want.

[IR_Kuoin]

[Thomek]

For you Armpit, old but good.

[IR_Kuoin]

Watched that vid so many times, always just as funny.

[Asheram]

[LordBerenger]

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[Ikarus]

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[darmaster]

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[Utrakil]

http://www.audepicault.com/fanfare/fanfare.htm

[darmaster]

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