From the keep of Nova Grunwalder castle, Adoptagoat, Lord of TKoV, Conqueror of Khudan, Most Illustrious Wielder of the Lawlpike, Rider of Goats, Crutcher of Levels, Administrator of the Law and Uncle to The Kingdom of Veluca,- Acting Steward to the Kingdom of Veluca and Velucan Empire could see the vast expanses of the former Velucan Empire in all 4 directions. To his east, the crownlands, held by The Kingdom proper. Sworn to support the Lord Emperor God King Robert, the Goat's own nephew. The crownlands remained loyal to their liege. When the grizzled lord closed his eyes, he could see the royal purple banners flying over the Kingdom's fiefs, the warm welcomes he had received from the lords and captains that the old campaigner had visited in years past.
To the South and West, he could see the great mountain holdfasts of the Empire's former vassals, remaining in open rebellion to their rightful Emperor's rule. The once loyal Hounds were scattered, the castles and fiefs they held in trust for the God Emperor were either sold off for personal gain or abandoned to foreign barbarians or encroaching neighboring Kingdoms, some which had previously declared friendship and had bled, side by side with the old Lord, much to the his chagrin "We helped them before, and in our moment of weakness, they seized upon our lands", the Lord seethed . The acting Steward of Veluca shook his head, "for what?" he asked the wind, "So Bonesaw could wear a crown for a week?" It was somehow worse, back in the keep, where he could see upon the map the few lonely strongholds in the desert that Les Chevalier Occitan had remaining when the empire had shattered, mere weeks away from LCO capitulation
To the north was where the Lord most dreaded to gaze. He saw the frontiers of the renowned Murder Boners. The MBs stood in active opposition to their former Leader's decrees. They remained in opposition to their former Lords and refused to relinquish the lands granted to them by the charter of the Velucan Empire, despite having abandoned the most illustrious Empire in the North American Fiefdoms. He could envision the MB Lieutenants and Sergeants, who were among his oldest companions, who the Lord had trusted and fought beside personally, regardless of Empire diplomacy-even before their oaths of fealty to the Empire, who were in open arms against their former allies and benefactors. What hurt most was the knowledge that one of his oldest comrades had defected to take up arms and command against his own nation.
Adoptagoat fingered the letters which his scribes had prepared. The contents were nonsense to the layman, the foreign dignitary, or even to the loyal Lords of the Kingdom of Veluca. Only the shadowy operatives of the Goat Faction, to whom the Lord of Veluca had sent private feelers out in the Empire's days of prosperity, members of the Kingdom whose experience with the old Lord had made their fealty to the revered Goat first and foremost before their loyalty to the God Emperor. These operatives had continued to serve the Goat in his service to his Leader, and would have been able to decipher the code embedded in the nonsense missives. Adoptagoat seethed at the insults to the Empire, and to the very structure which had made the most feared faction in the North American Fiefdoms a mean and, while not insignificant, not a major piece of the greater war which was brewing in the lands of Calradia.
The De Facto Steward sighed, and looked away from his borders. His eyes wandered to the yard within the castle. He saw the bustle of training, recruitment and trade which had always revolved around the stone castle, as long as the Kingdom had controlled it. But what he missed was more important to the Lord. He could not see the former military leader of the Kingdoms. He presumed Hobb remained in his chambers in Ergellon, enthralled by the harpy in whose talons the Goat had last seen him, the very one which had led the former leader from the Imperial military Capital to the border stronghold. Adoptagoat could picture the ring which he had seen, right before leaving the outpost, upon the former leader's finger, which had left Hobb within the harpy's thrall. He could also picture his liege-lord's drunken orgies, within the walls of the capital proper, the invitation to which had always made his stays in the Imperial City brief. But lastly, the grizzled Lord could see the hoof-prints, which led the proper Steward of Veluca away. His return was assured to the old Veteran, the weight of command, which he used to bear so easily, would be lifted from his shoulders, in time. The Old Lord was torn. "Is this the time?" He asked the air. "Was this what the Goat Faction has worked towards?" The acting ruler summoned his messengers, but while waiting for his most loyal squires, the seasoned veteran paused, The missives remained in his grasp. He quickly thrust them in the beacon fire upon the rampart. When his squires arrived, he told them to bring food, but first, ale. "not yet," the old man mused to himself, "not yet."
"Sacrifices, ribald songs, sexual promiscuity, bestiality, brothels, forced prostitution- these are the reasons Veluca will fall." The righteous air with which Snickers declared this seemed final. He knew it was true. After all, drugs are bad, and what is dopamine but another drug?
"Yes. We don't believe in the Templar God- or any god, religion is stupid, but you know that masturbation is bad," added BlondeKhan, his lower lip quivering with authority. After all, had they not read about sublimation and all the things one could accomplish through the discipline of not fapping?
Kalam looked up from the game of chess he was pretending to play with himself. Really, he was just arranging the pieces to look like a hazelnut, because chess is boring. "Uh," came the eloquent reply. A moment was taken to swallow the build up of saliva in his mouth at the thought of orgies with nutella. "What about feminist debauchery!" That was legit, right? "Don't be silly. It's not all the banging. It's that there's not enough banging. Diggles wasn't there to make love to Robert, and the Hounds were too busy hunting harmless armadillos in this thing they call 'siege' to make love to anyone. Man, it's simple psychology, really."
"No sex equals no love, and no love equals no Empire."
After all.
