Just had an hour long c-rpg battle with invading forces in real life.

[zagibu]

*my girlfriend asked afterwards why I was talking to the bats. I uh well, uh...

You should have told her the truth, that they weren't actually bats.

[Sir_Hans]

You know the sound of cats fighting outside your house? Raccoons fighting are worse. Raccoons mating are the worst. Sounds like a Satanic orgy.

Your coon story reminded me of the time a bat got into the house. I woke up at 3am to the cats going apeshit and running all over the place. The dog was hiding in the kennel. By the time I was actually out of bed, the cats had chased the bat into the bedroom. Immediately after I turned the light on I saw something black cling to the ceiling above the window. It crumpled up like plastic burning in the fire, formed a little shivering ball, and started chittering. Realized at this point that there was a bat in the room. I pushed my not-even-awake Significant Other out of bed and moved her into the bathroom with the cats (she is deathly afraid of bats and I didn't want the cats to risk rabies).

After getting my 7 foot long walking stick, I threw a blanket over my head (to prevent scratches and the bat getting caught in my hair) and went into the bedroom. Opened the window so he could get out. I tried to nudge him gently and get him flying so he could get the fuck out of my house. The bat just did a few circles of the room and nestled up on the ceiling again. I opened the second window and went on the offensive once more. The bat just kept circling and finding a new spot to roost. I sat on the bed and tried to think of what to do next. If you leave the window open and lock the room, bats are supposed to eventually get out. But this is where I sleep. I needed to go to sleep so I could work in the morning. A SECOND FUCKING BAT COMES IN THE WINDOW. LIGHTNING STRIKES TWICE IN THE WITCHCRAFT HOUSEHOLD!!!

They huddled together, staring at me. Chittering and screeching to each other. Just in case they were nightspirits I told them "I didn't invite you into my house. You need to leave. Please go. You are not welcome here." * Then I swapped the walking stick for a broom to more gently dust them off of the ceiling. The bats just did more fucking circles around the room. Half an hour later, the second bat left. The first bat was really panicked and couldn't get out. By 3:40 AM he finally found the open window.

Then I realized I had spent 40 minutes with my windows full open. In my underwear. Lights on. With a blanket over my head. Shaking a staff around the room. At least I don't think any neighbors were awake at that time of night, but still... 

*my girlfriend asked afterwards why I was talking to the bats. I uh well, uh...

LMAO!!