It was a beautiful spring day in the steppes, the sun beating down on the prairie grasses while the newly arrived migratory birds swept down upon the myriad of insects emerging from the recently thawed ground. The same insects that were viciously attacking the two men lying prostrate in the knee high dead grass of yesteryear.
"Damn, these bugs are eating me alive!" hissed Blue.
"Shut up!" Bryggan snarled, "them farmers are getting close."
And they were. 50 heavily armed peasants were scouring the fields, all walking within 3 arm lengths of each other.
"Damn it Bryggan, you said this would be easy," Blue continued through clenched teeth, "you said we'd just walk in, grab all the silver and walk away."
"It was supposed to be easy, "Bryggan whispered back, "who the hell arms peasants? It's a bloody village, not like its a castle or town or anything."
"And that bloody hill? What about the bloody hill? Even if they just had peasant gear we probably could not have taken it."
"Just a little bad luck..."
"chadz' bloody balls," Blue said, his voice going from a whisper to a snarl, "you didn't even scout the land, did you?"
"Well, how could I," Bryggan answere, "I am new to these lands, just a mere merchant..."
"Fuck off, Bryggan," Blue hissed, "when you were High King you should have..."
"I'm not that Bryggan!" Bryggan interupted, "I don't know why you call me by that name. My name is Faseel, the merchant; a stranger to these lands."
"We call you Bryggan because that is the only name you answer to. When you first came to us, you said your name was Fassahd. I knew who you were, but I tried play along. But everytime I called you that, you ignored me. The only way to catch your attention was to call to call you Bryggan."
"Damn... well, I believe it is your pronunciation," Bryggan responded, 'It's actually pronounced Fahsim.. Full name Fahsim Ali. A trader from the Shariz area."
"chadzdam," Blue growled, "Your merchant name is just a facade, your arguments are fascile, and your are just a fascimile of a decent person."
"Ok, now you're talking nonsense."
"Ow!!!" Blue yelled mutedly, "that was a horse fly that bit me. A lot more painful than all the mosquitoes, blackflies, midges, noseeums and deerflies all put together. Why the hell do I ever listen to you... Fassahd."
"What, who?"
With a will of its own, Blue's fist smashed into Bryggan's face. A highly ineffective fist fight ensued, as both were still wearing heavy kuyaks from the previous night's battle. As the two rolled around punching each other in the heavy armour and bloodying their fists on tagancha helms, swarms of flies left the protective covering of the dead grass to form a cloud above the two wrestling warriors.
They fought to complete exhaustion, and finally Bryggan rolled on his back. "Dammit, Blue, I thought... oh shit," he said, looking up at the many spears and swords pointed at him by the New Tulbuk soldiers, who had patiently waited for the tussle to end.
"Weel. weel, weel" a newcomer said, "if it ain't me old mate Breegan and hees pal Blue."
"Ah, Dutchy," Bryggan said, standing up, "I'm not the infamous Bryggan, I am the simple merchant, Faht Hed, who might have accidently wandered in this area."
"Fek off, Breegan," Dutchy answered, "Yeer as match of a fat head that theer ever was, but Aye knee yer face and Aye knee yer voice. Aye honestly deent believe Kaydeth ween he told me Neeyew Tulbuk was attacked. Now Aye see it was you, and it all makes sense."
"I repeat, I am the simple merchant Ahsadd Twit. I was just peacefully seeking..."
"Once agin, feck off Breegan," Dutchy said, "Okee, here's a teest. If you're jeest a simple mercheent, why not bow down to mee? Eem a noble, and you're a commoneer, so gew on, bow before a noble."
"Well," Bryggan said, "As a simple commoner who ekes a living trading..."
"Bow or say who you are, dammit!" Blue said.
"Alright, alright," Bryggan cried, "Yes, dammit, I was the one time winter king. I am Bryggan, before you and under your power. I felt the need for battle again, and attacked what I thought was an easy target to get 300K silver. I am your prisoner, do with me what you will."
"Yeh bloody fool, mate," Dutchy answered," yah shoulda know we had armed all these villages against the Starks ween they were attacking. But Eel tell you what: Aye have not had such a good laugh in a lewng time. Aym gonna leet you two go free- eeny one who is stupid enough and attecks New Tulbuk ain't a threet to me."
* * * *
"Damn Bryggan, I'm not sure what is worse- losing this battle, or not being considered a worthy enough foe for Dutchy to capture us"
"Well, this was a mistake- I admit it" Bryggan confessed, "But its not as bad as what happened in Curaw while you were gone."
"What?" Blue asked, "Curaw was stable when I left- we had taken care of crime, the city was heavily garrisoned... What sort of trouble could happen there? I would never have left it if I suspected trouble."
"Oh," Bryggan said, "several hundred Acre men under Gryphtor entered the city to trade. I guess they were on the road a little too long, and once they entered Curaw, some got a little belligerent. I guess they got drunk started a few fights which escalated, and now everyone is dead there."
"What!" Blue screamed, " 1400 troops, 2000 population!"
"Yeah," Bryggan said, "it don't make sense, but it happened."
"Damn," Blue said, deflated, "we are destroyed. What the hell can we do?"
"Well, there is only one thing to do," Bryggan said, smiling, "I guess people have figured out I'm alive after all. Time to head to Stark lands for a big party"
Blue groaned. "Bryggan, is that your answer to everything? A big party?"
"This one's different. This will be a wedding party."
Sorry for the bad attempt at an Australian accent. Dutchy's accent is actually a lot worse
