Dude, where's my bow?
Damn, I loved that bow:( And yes, I will trade both mine and my army's services for that bow. But there are a few provisos attached. First of all, Jack was a little hasty. I still have shitloads of goods to sell, plus some items I need to buy. I am not 100% sure I can get that done in 4 days. But, for you, I will do my damndest.
Also, a few rules:
Rule #1: THERE ARE NO RULES!!!!!!
Rule #2: Actually, there are a few rules.
Rule #3: I move my men and gear, and I attack with my men and gear. Don't be thinking I'll transfer anything ever. I want that renown! That precious, precious renown; so soft, so sexy, so grrrRRRAGGGHHRorw!!!
Rule #4: I will reinforce if its an absolute emergency. I mean, I can't watch a comrade die. Even if I hate him like I hate my current comrades (Sorry Jack and Dirk, but you know..).
Rule #5: Anything sexual must be consensual.
Rule #6: There are a few more rules yet.
Rule #7: Haven't figured out the length of the contract. As I said earlier, this is a little premature. Probably a month? If my army gets destroyed early on, I will continue to do what I can to help your faction until the contract runs out. I suppose there will be huge discounts to renewing the contract... especially if we exchange troops or gear... um, we'll figure it out. I ain't greedy.*
Rule #8: Must have blood!!!!
Rule #9: Will attack anyone anywhere, but, like a true mercenary, will not attack when there is a 100% chance of failure.
Rule #10: I will attack if there is a 75% chance of failure (or at least a 25% chance of success). Cuz sometimes you gotta take crazy risks.
Rule #11: No outside food.
Rule #12: I can work in concert with others, or act independently.
Rule #13: Not really a rule, but I am watching and able to move my army 24-7. By which I mean about 15-7. Guy's gotta sleep too you know.
So there it is. If you disagree with these terms, but you already are the highest bidder, I say, "HAHAHAHHHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAH!!!"
*After some intense discussion, we decided the contract will last as long as my army does. Be assured I will not hold back, but will attack and kill and slaughter and destroy and burn and pillage and kill some more and engage and hunt and decimate and murder and despoil and tear and rip and bite and claw and ravage and hurt and annoy to the best of my abilities.
In effect, I will fight my damndest for you; and as anyone who knows me will tell you, I won't hold back.