... I woke up 6:55 in the morning to a sound of a leafblower under my window, exactly 15 minutes before my alarm-clock. One too many times, have i lost my precious sleeping time to that horrible noise.
There was no time to waste! I rushed to the kitchen, and emptied my morning bladder into a cooking pot, mixed it with lumps of solidified cat-piss from the litterbox, and finally set the whole thing to boil. Focus Armpit! FOCUS! There is no time to lose!
As I was filling the pot with premium ingredients, my wife began to mumble about "all that noise" and something about me being a "good for nothing small dick loser" who wouldn't "let her sleep". I show you! I SHOW ALL OF YOU!! With cougars' grace and power of a rhino, i jumped on my half-sleeping spouse, and choked her until my fingers got pale - there will be no mercy for anyone who dares to oppose me today! With un-human savagery, i ripped off her pants and raped her lifeless body. Who is a loser now?! Huh?!! And my dick is bigger than yours! That's right! Got nothing to say now, do you?!
By the time i was done with her, my piss-soup was boiling and ready to fulfill it's destiny: to be emptied on the head of that leafblower outside. And out through the window it went! Ah, the sweet music of his agony was a sign of a direct hit! But there was little time to enjoy it - i had to make sure he was dead before my neighbors call the authorities! The leafblowing dude was swirling like a worm, trying to make his way to the road - few more meters and it might be too late! Oh no, you don't! To the emergency stash!
Deep under the bed - a small plastic box filled with 90% pure Colombian cocaine. My stupid wife never knew about it, and never will, he-he-he. By the power of Colombian Gods of Awesome, i have now become an immortal force of vengeance! GRAWWWRRR!! I roared as a wounded elephant, launching my eight years old, 60 kg plasma screen out through the window. The sheer astronomical power of this act, sent shockwaves of energy through the entire building, popping windows and setting off car alarms. Breathing heavily, i looked out to inspect the crash site - spirits granted me a superior precision: leafblowerman's piss-covered body have been cut in half!
Tear of joy were running down my enlightened face, as i was sending a thanksgiving prayer to our Lord! I was once more free to sleep in peace, and receive a much needed rest before i have to go off to work!
