Declaration of <3

[dynamike]

Aaaaah, the smell of the sea! A salty breeze caught in my nostrils, the sound of waves breaking at the beach, the sight of my home at the shore, a cold ale on a warm day.

Well, except that I am not there.

Instead I am wading through gloomy forests, jerking away from tree needles poking through my shirt and having squirrels defecate on my head. That, or endless marching through dreary random plains #357 until my feet are blistered and my mood is sullen. This is not what I signed up for! Even the villages here look like ghost towns and the ale tastes like donkey piss. Sullen I think back to how all of this came to be...

"With the Remnants of my people I came to these shores to start anew and find a better fortune for us all. We have settled down in some abandoned fiefs we found a few weeks back and got accustomed to the lands and peoples. To gain the coin we needed we took up trading, after we saw that whoring would not work, for we are all quite hideous to behold and of blind folk there is few and far between.

Being born of lowly peasants on a muddy field - and then forgotten there - I had never enjoyed the education of a higher house or noble merchant lineage. I was hence struck with great confusion when my lord spoke to me "Goeth forth and tradeth thee! Maketh certain thy crates be plentiful and thy S&D rightfully appropriated! Disregardeth the wenches, acquireth currency!".

In my great desire not to disappoint my lord I replied, choosing my words carefully from all that I had learned by resting my head on the books in his study: "Uhmmm... yeah... sure!"

So I took to the stables to find a horse I forgot I never learned to ride. Not to worry, since the horse reminded me soon enough by throwing me off and I strapped the crates m'lord had given me on my back instead. Good of spirit and full of hope I strode out into this new world to become a rich and famous trader, bringing great pride to my people and acquire wenches for all.

As I lumbered along through the countryside of Nova Calradia, wondering why no one ever thought of building any paths or roads, I came upon other villages and castles. Happily I praised my goods to the local marketeers and spend the gold I gained to acquire new crates, labeled with mysterious names such as "Exotic Alligator Testicles" or "Chocolate Teat Milk". Not able or willing to discern the contents of the crates, most likely stuff for magery or other black arts, I set off to find my next trading place.

Not a league outside of the village, I heard cries of dismissal sent in my general direction from behind. I turned around to see an angry mob, armed with pitchforks and torches following me. Not fully aware what the nature of their chants or what the "S&D" they claim to have lost was, I was not inclined to make their acquaintance. I began to march quickly.

After a while of hurrying along, exhaustion set in and since I did not seem to be able to drop my heavy crates - dark magicks must have attached them firmly to my back - the angry crowd caught up with me to do battle. Afraid I was unable to defend myself without any gear, a miracle came to be! Out of nowhere, a mildly gracious god granted me mighty... peasant gear. I noted to myself to give equally... mildly gracious prayer, should I sustain the battle.

Those hopes were almost instantly destroyed, as an arrow hit me in the forehead before the battle even really began. What I heard then, it must have been the voice of god, telling me "gf", and lo and behold I stood again, alive and well, in the same spot the battle had begun for me. Full of courage over the godly protection I had received I charged into battle... and died another 99 times, before I woke up in a distant place that I had never been to before.

Bereaved of my precious crates and gear I walk ever since to find my way back to my lord, so he can have me executed in proper fashion for my failure."


What be the message of this all?

Hear ye, hear ye, trading is hard. I hereby declare free love for all friendly wanderers on the paths of New/Nova Calradia and that if you fuck with me I will fuck with thee.

'Tis all.


Disclaimer:
I dare to disclaim that this declaration does not draft nor depict the designation of the daring douzen of Remnants, their donkeys or dogs, nor their damsels, which may look distastefully alike, dainty and dirty as we do desire them, which reminds me to drink my daily dairy to stay dynamic.

~ dynawild

(click to show/hide)

I also declare that I got ridiculously bored at work and annoyed that Remnants don't have a shiny flame topic  Long story short, I'm on some friendly trade runs - as long as you don't pose a threat I am friendly minded to traders and hope to see the same from other clans.

[Shadowren]

<(^_^<)(>^_^)>    +1

[Sauce]

Meat.

[Chestaclese]

Idiot child.

[BaleOhay]

Well written Mikey. I generally skip to the end for the short version but this one was worth the time.

[Carthage]

Here's a question to get a flame topic started. Why is LLJK attacking us?

[Rikthor]

Village trade my fine friend

[dynamike]

No flames to see, move along 

[slim_jims_man]

Here's a question to get a flame topic started. Why is LLJK attacking us?

THE BATTLEDOME CALLS FOR BLOOD