I've never had a problem with people who "have a stick up their ass."
Shacktac is pretty laid back, and they play Mount and Blade as well as ARMA 2 (check out CHKilroy's videos from the first link) and they have a form of command that basically consists of selecting different people who are mature and decent enough to lead different teams for each mission that they play. This is how most communities for ARMA 2 work. Unfortunately, it's not always the case. I personally play with a group of friends (around 7 - 12) and we don't really have a chain of command, some of us are better at different things than others, and depending on the situation, the correct leader will step up and take reign over our squad.
The amount of fun you have in a game really relies on who you're playing with, and every group is destined to have the party-pooper who insists on being the lone-wolf CoD sniper that dies at the start of the game and bitches about it for the rest of the game. Or alternatively, they won't listen to a single word said and go rambo, and while they live, it ruins the fun for everyone else.
Aside from the occasional doucher the game can be very fun when you use teamwork and tactics to get your objective complete. The only other downside I can think of for someone who is new to the game is the control system, it takes some getting used too but it's still pretty good.