Off Topic => General Off Topic => Topic started by: Osiris on July 03, 2016, 01:10:45 pm
Title: What its like being British
Post by: Osiris on July 03, 2016, 01:10:45 pm
Some of these are spot on (apart from i dont drink tea)
• Worrying you’ve accidentally packed 3 kilos of cocaine and a dead goat as you stroll through “Nothing to declare” • Being unable to stand and leave without first saying “right” • Not hearing someone for the third time, so just laughing and hoping for the best • Saying “anywhere here’s fine” when the taxi’s directly outside your front door • Being sure to start touching your bag 15 minutes before your station, so the person in the aisle seat is fully prepared for your exit • Repeatedly pressing the door button on the train before it’s illuminated, to assure your fellow commuters you have the situation in hand • Having someone sit next to you on the train, meaning you’ll have to eat your crisps at home • The huge sense of relief after your perfectly valid train ticket is accepted by the inspector • The horror of someone you only half know saying: “Oh I’m getting that train too” • “Sorry, is anyone sitting here?” – Translation: Unless this is a person who looks remarkably like a bag, I suggest you move it • Loudly tapping your fingers at the cashpoint, to assure the queue that you’ve asked for money and the wait is out of your hands • Looking away so violently as someone nearby enters their PIN that you accidentally dislocate your neck • Waiting for permission to leave after paying for something with the exact change • Saying hello to a friend in the supermarket, then creeping around like a burglar to avoid seeing them again • Watching with quiet sorrow as you receive a different haircut to the one you requested • Being unable to pay for something with the exact change without saying “I think that’s right” • Overtaking someone on foot and having to keep up the uncomfortably fast pace until safely over the horizon • Being unable to turn and walk in the opposite direction without first taking out your phone and frowning at it • Deeming it necessary to do a little jog over zebra crossings, while throwing in an apologetic mini wave • Punishing people who don’t say thank you by saying “you’re welcome” as quietly as possible • The overwhelming sorrow of finding a cup of tea you forgot about • Turning down a cup of tea for no reason and instantly knowing you’ve made a terrible, terrible mistake • Suddenly remembering your tea and necking it like a massive, lukewarm shot • Realising you’ve got about fifty grand’s worth of plastic bags under your kitchen sink • “You’ll have to excuse the mess” – Translation: I’ve spent seven hours tidying in preparation for your visit • Indicating that you want the last roast potato by trying to force everyone else to take it • “I’m off to bed” – Translation: “I’m off to stare at my phone in another part of the house” • Mishearing somebody’s name on the second time of asking, meaning you must now avoid them forever • Leaving it too late to correct someone, meaning you must live with your new name forever • Running out of ways to say thanks when a succession of doors are held for you, having already deployed ‘cheers’, ‘ta’ and ‘nice one’ • Changing from ‘kind regards’ to just ‘regards’, to indicate that you’re rapidly reaching the end of your tether • Staring at your phone in silent horror until the unknown number stops ringing • Hearing a recording of your own voice and deciding it’s perhaps best never to speak again • The relief when someone doesn’t answer their phone within three rings and you can hang up • Filming an entire fireworks display on your phone, knowing full well you’ll never, ever watch it again
Title: Re: What its like being British
Post by: Falka on July 03, 2016, 01:13:40 pm
Title: Re: What its like being British
Post by: Gurgumul on July 03, 2016, 01:55:37 pm
guess I'm British then
Title: Re: What its like being British
Post by: Butan on July 03, 2016, 02:42:39 pm
• The overwhelming sorrow of finding a cup of tea you forgot about • Turning down a cup of tea for no reason and instantly knowing you’ve made a terrible, terrible mistake • Suddenly remembering your tea and necking it like a massive, lukewarm shot
Title: Re: What its like being British
Post by: Teeth on July 03, 2016, 04:29:04 pm
I can add one:
Obnoxiously revelling in the things that you consider so exemplary of the unique British character, while being completely oblivious to the fact that everybody in the world does the same
Title: Re: What its like being British
Post by: Osiris on July 03, 2016, 04:44:59 pm
ill add having a better sense of humour than teeth on the list too :P
Title: Re: What its like being British
Post by: Leshma on July 03, 2016, 05:11:27 pm
They are Dutch, they are blunt.
Title: Re: What its like being British
Post by: Thovex on July 03, 2016, 05:42:57 pm
Is called honest
Title: Re: What its like being British
Post by: Golem on July 03, 2016, 07:46:14 pm
Obnoxiously revelling in the things that you consider so exemplary of the unique British character, while being completely oblivious to the fact that everybody in the world does the same
I am so sad I can upvote this only once.
Title: Re: What its like being British
Post by: Asheram on July 03, 2016, 08:28:40 pm
Title: Re: What its like being British
Post by: jtobiasm on July 03, 2016, 09:29:01 pm
To speak evasively or misleadingly, or to stall or waste time. To flush pheasants and other birds so they could be shot, British gamekeepers hired beaters who would swing sticks at likely places where the birds might be lurking. Not to go directly to such foliage but to work around it instead gave the impression of wasting time or not trying very hard to raise the birds; hence, beating around the bush.
Damn, I didn't know beating around the bush is British tradition.
Title: Re: What its like being British
Post by: Kafein on July 04, 2016, 07:33:49 pm
Those are actually two things I can't really relate to, Heskey. Who the hell goes to the bank and talks to a human to make a withdrawal?
Title: Re: What its like being British
Post by: Falka on July 04, 2016, 10:42:13 pm
Who withdraws money anyway... Okay, sometimes I do, but it's like once a month.
Title: Re: What its like being British
Post by: DKNhz on July 05, 2016, 12:11:44 pm
• Saying hello to a friend in the supermarket, then creeping around like a burglar to avoid seeing them again • The horror of someone you only half know saying: “Oh I’m getting that train too” • Staring at your phone in silent horror until the unknown number stops ringing • Hearing a recording of your own voice and deciding it’s perhaps best never to speak again • The relief when someone doesn’t answer their phone within three rings and you can hang up
its me i do that
Major depressive disorder (MDD) (also known as simply depression) is a mental disorder characterized by a pervasive and persistent low mood that is accompanied by low self-esteem and by a loss of interest or pleasure in normally enjoyable activities. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_depressive_disorder)
oh :|
Title: Re: What its like being British
Post by: Kafein on July 06, 2016, 05:24:13 pm
"normally enjoyable activities" eh, to each their own.
Title: Re: What its like being British
Post by: Leshma on July 06, 2016, 05:42:18 pm
If you an introvert and don't enjoy activities extrovert person enjoys, then it must be something wrong in your head and you need strong medicine to change you back to being "normal".
United States of America is fucked up country in more ways than one.
Title: Re: What its like being British
Post by: Yeldur on July 06, 2016, 05:45:52 pm
Obnoxiously revelling in the things that you consider so exemplary of the unique British character, while being completely oblivious to the fact that everybody in the world does the same
Of course we're oblivious, we're the most introverted and antisocial country in the fucking world.