cRPG

Off Topic => General Off Topic => Topic started by: Clockworkkiller on October 11, 2015, 04:18:31 am

Title: what are your hemorrhoids cure?
Post by: Clockworkkiller on October 11, 2015, 04:18:31 am
for the past few weeks now, ive been plagued by the dredded roids. today ive had some constant diarrhea problems and now my anus feels like a hidden valley surrounded by mountains. how do you guys solve your hemorrhoid problems?

im working on increasing my fiber intake right now tho, but the situation looks critical tbh fam
Title: Re: what are your hemorrhoids cure?
Post by: Armpit_Sweat on October 11, 2015, 05:41:23 am
Quote from: Clockworkkiller on October 11, 2015, 04:18:31 am
for the past few weeks now, ive been plagued by the dredded roids. today ive had some constant diarrhea problems and now my anus feels like a hidden valley surrounded by mountains. how do you guys solve your hemorrhoid problems?

im working on increasing my fiber intake right now tho, but the situation looks critical tbh fam

You need an ass-cream:

Quote from: Armpit_Sweat on August 06, 2015, 05:53:27 pm
I laid such a huge turd once, that something went wrong in my asshole, and i had to send my ex to pick up an ass-cream for me... Took me at least a week to get rid of that problem. True story.
Was a giant turd though.

I don't recall it being a "valley surrounded by mountains" though... And you are constantly having diarrhea and such, it's at the very least the third time you complain about it:

Quote from: Clockworkkiller on January 10, 2014, 05:05:39 am
Halp me my butt is bleeding ders blood everywhere I think I'm gonna be sick wat do I do will I die I'm scared plz  halp meeeee!!!!!!!!!!

and

Quote from: Clockworkkiller on March 12, 2015, 02:38:06 pm
I never knew liquid shit and vomit can come in a wide arrange of colors!

The vomiting is particularly painful, and the shits never stop flowing from the butt...

Hope this only lasts a day because dear lord have mercy on my soul

so you should probably consider some medical help... have your poop checked or something - that's not as embarrassing as having a doctor probing your asshole with a camera, or whatever the fuck they do in those sort of cases. Luckily I had no reasons to commit my ass to those kind of adventures.
Title: Re: what are your hemorrhoids cure?
Post by: Clockworkkiller on October 11, 2015, 07:15:34 am
I got ass-cream, don't think it's working thou

What I mean by mountains and valleys was my roids seem to have double in number

And yeah, today atleast really fucking up my day and shitting is painful and burns

I heard you can get surgery for this stuff but who knows
Title: Re: what are your hemorrhoids cure?
Post by: Molly on October 11, 2015, 09:10:43 am
I sit it out.
Title: Re: what are your hemorrhoids cure?
Post by: Gravoth_iii on October 11, 2015, 10:17:42 am
Go easy on the dragon dildo usage, or atleast lube up properly.
Title: Re: what are your hemorrhoids cure?
Post by: Daunt_Flockula on October 11, 2015, 10:53:04 am
You used to have a rhythm, Clockwork. Nowadays it looks like you are trying too hard to generate shittalk material.
Title: Re: what are your hemorrhoids cure?
Post by: Hirlok on October 11, 2015, 02:20:16 pm
wise hermit with healthy tight butt sayz:

Being less butthurt, removing high pressure in your life, trying to force things a bit less -  usually helps.

Like most "diseases" hemorrhoids have more psychosomatic reasons than physical ones...



Besides: hemorrhoids are less annoying than hammerrhoids, which are usually boinking harmless hermits on NA1. 
Title: Re: what are your hemorrhoids cure?
Post by: Sir_Hans on October 11, 2015, 06:24:22 pm
Just stop pooping.
Title: Re: what are your hemorrhoids cure?
Post by: WITCHCRAFT on October 11, 2015, 07:02:02 pm
Quote from: Sir_Hans on October 11, 2015, 06:24:22 pm
Just stop posting.
Title: Re: what are your hemorrhoids cure?
Post by: Clockworkkiller on October 11, 2015, 09:40:50 pm
Well the watery poop seems to have stopped, but the inflammation remains, I may try a hot bath for find some voodoo magic medicine to see of it works.

I'd like I thank you all for reading about my poop, it's quite an interesting subject
Title: Re: what are your hemorrhoids cure?
Post by: Siiem on October 11, 2015, 09:57:10 pm
Have you tried not getting them?
Title: Re: what are your hemorrhoids cure?
Post by: Alvin_the_Chipmunk on October 11, 2015, 11:15:28 pm
Quote from: Sir_Hans on October 11, 2015, 06:24:22 pm
Just stop pooping.
Reminds me of those Demodex lice that live on your face.

They lack an anus, so they can't poop, you see.

Title: Re: what are your hemorrhoids cure?
Post by: Clockworkkiller on October 12, 2015, 01:59:24 pm
Well, the diarrhea ends where the constipation begins!
Title: Re: what are your hemorrhoids cure?
Post by: Voncrow on October 12, 2015, 02:31:06 pm
Quote from: Clockworkkiller on October 12, 2015, 01:59:24 pm
Well, the diarrhea ends where the constipation begins!

Just be happy you don't have constipation that ends with diarrhea. Just try taking some constipation medicine, if that doesn't work out you should get checked out.
Title: Re: what are your hemorrhoids cure?
Post by: Grumbs on October 12, 2015, 03:02:14 pm
Get a pooping stool (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YbYWhdLO43Q) so you don't strain. Hemoroids are blood vessels popping out because you force too much
Title: Re: what are your hemorrhoids cure?
Post by: Clockworkkiller on October 13, 2015, 01:04:44 pm
It's working! The magic is working!
Title: Re: what are your hemorrhoids cure?
Post by: Xant on October 13, 2015, 01:32:15 pm
I'm looking down at you from a great height. You're like ants. It's sad how far I am beyond you people, spiritually and mentally.

You can't imprison the truth.
Title: Re: what are your hemorrhoids cure?
Post by: Armpit_Sweat on October 13, 2015, 05:04:05 pm
I'm barely able to acknowledge you as a lifeform, looking down from a million of light-years above you. You're like precambrian fungus. It's a subject of scientific studies how far I am beyond you people, divinely superior spiritually and mentally.

You can't comprehend the truth.

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Title: Re: what are your hemorrhoids cure?
Post by: Xant on October 13, 2015, 05:16:42 pm
Quote from: Armpit_Sweat on October 13, 2015, 05:04:05 pm
I'm barely able to acknowledge you as a lifeform, looking down from a million of light-years above you. You're like precambrian fungus. It's a subject of scientific studies how far I am beyond you people, divinely superior spiritually and mentally.

You can't comprehend the truth.

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Are you speaking to me, worm? My strong and honeyed voice dribbles from primacy to the consciousness of the three brain cells of an inchoate earthworm like you. Your animal instinct experiences the influence of some higher power when I open my lion's voice containing pure dominating intelligence and cold calculation and order an ape like you to act just like I tell you to act. You are unable to resist. How could you? How could a shrimp learn to hunt elephants?

I control a big-talking monkey like you with platonic tenderness and unadulterated logic on the echelons of all your senses. When your small ape brain succeeds in understanding even a one thousandth of my godlike delivery, you'll obey your superior being on that exact second. You miserable animal.
Title: Re: what are your hemorrhoids cure?
Post by: Armpit_Sweat on October 13, 2015, 05:48:57 pm
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Title: Re: what are your hemorrhoids cure?
Post by: Xant on October 13, 2015, 05:52:40 pm
Quote from: Armpit_Sweat on October 13, 2015, 05:48:57 pm
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Fake and gay. If I'm Sylvester Stallone, who are the rest? Who here could claim to have the right to even be considered for my team? Moreover, what use have I, the master, the commander, for sidekicks?
Title: Re: what are your hemorrhoids cure?
Post by: Clockworkkiller on October 13, 2015, 06:05:36 pm
Quote from: Xant on October 13, 2015, 05:52:40 pm
Fake and gay. If I'm Sylvester Stallone, who are the rest? Who here could claim to have the right to even be considered for my team? Moreover, what use have I, the master, the commander, for sidekicks?

Maybe the other members represent different Facets of your personality
Title: Re: what are your hemorrhoids cure?
Post by: Xant on October 13, 2015, 06:06:05 pm
Quote from: Clockworkkiller on October 13, 2015, 06:05:36 pm
Maybe the other members represent different Facets of your personality
I'll allow it.
Title: Re: what are your hemorrhoids cure?
Post by: Armpit_Sweat on October 13, 2015, 06:20:49 pm
Quote from: Xant on October 13, 2015, 05:52:40 pm
Fake and gay. If I'm Sylvester Stallone, who are the rest? Who here could claim to have the right to even be considered for my team? Moreover, what use have I, the master, the commander, for sidekicks?

Well, you lead the pack and take the most important tasks on cRPG forum and tumblr, while your apostles euphorically tip fedoras elsewhere :)

What made them qualify for the team, were their top scores in this bingo:

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... i'm just having a laugh :)

EDIT:

scored 9 points

Title: Re: what are your hemorrhoids cure?
Post by: Xant on October 13, 2015, 06:44:05 pm
Quote from: Armpit_Sweat on October 13, 2015, 06:20:49 pm
Well, you lead the pack and take the most important tasks on cRPG forum and tumblr, while your apostles euphorically tip fedoras elsewhere :)

What made them qualify for the team, were their top scores in this bingo:

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... i'm just having a laugh :)

EDIT:

scored 9 points
I only scored 1 point.   :mad: