not another porn thread :/
How so? I told him not to post pics of bengay balls :lol:
had to upload the image containing the suggestion to imgur cuz you never know what those chanarchive guys are doing to prevent hotlinking...
perhaps this ?
http://www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/B000KKNQBK/ref=cm_cr_dp_see_all_top?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1 (read reviews)
although it is difficult to get pictures :D
THIS IS HILAROUS
After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.
At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned .
Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the drawer for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so.I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.
This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.
Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good ". Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect...:)
Excellent product. Most prisoners confessed within five minutes of the first application. Can recommend.
Yours,
Ali Muhabarakah,
Secret Police, Damascus
I live in the countryside and watching the lambs gambol in the fields I pondered that they would need shearing soon and from there turned my thoughts to doing a little thinning of my own undergrowth. On a trip into town I saw a tube of Veet and the product description seemed ideal for my purposes. I didn't read the instructions because I'm a man.
One night, when the wife and kids were in bed, I got out the tube and applied the gel liberally to my crotch. For the first few moments I felt nothing but then after about 5.9 seconds I had a strange sense of deja-vu. You see when I was a teenager one of my younger brothers mates shot me in the head with a bow and arrow. He didn't mean to but we beat him up for it anyway. While the arrow was stuck in my head I could feel some pain but the shock kept that down. It was the thought that I'm going to have to pull this baby out which is going to magnify the pain massively that stuck with me.
As the gel started to sizzle and wisps of smoke started rising I knew that the pain I was feeling now would be as nothing compared to what was coming. It wasn't. Trying to find the words to describe it is difficult but imagine, if you can, having your scrotum industrially sandblasted from a distance of about a foot with broken glass mixed with acid and salt.
I ran outside into the cool night squealing like a stuck pig to hose down my crotch. I had no thoughts at this time of what the neighbours would think of this unholy banshee, but afterwards I heard in the nearby villages they had laughingly put it down to a family of foxes being caught in a thresher. At some point the water butt was drained and my screams went up a further few octaves into the realms beyond human hearing. Which was good for sparing my embarrassment with the neighbours, but was less good for the bats in my loft for whom the intensity of my scream proved terminal.
I wolfed down some pethidine and strong codeine tablets and was able to sleep for a few fitful hours. I dreamed there was a giant troll repeatedly trying to drop-kick my scrotum to Poland, before awaking to witness the damage done. My eyes were running with the pain, my scrotum looked like something that would be served as an hors d'oeuvre to Sauron, and my sense of smell had gone.
I later found out that the acrid fumes from my burning crotch were so pungent they cauterised my nostrils.
So overall 5 out of 5. It clearly does remove hair, and flesh, or at least that's what they say has happened when the dressings are changed.
I didn't expect to have to wear an adult nappy because of the ongoing genital weeping, and I am "off-games" for at least the rest of 2012 and possibly the whole of my adult life, but there you go.
Potential buyers might consider self-castration as a cheaper and less invasive alternative.
I like the clean shaven look down in my gentleman's log cabin, so for the past few years I've used a shaver. However the hair keeps growing back which means every 6 months I have to spend 20 minutes trimming again. As I'm sure you've realise this is valuable time I cannot waste. So I decided to get to the root of the problem and purchased this product.
Probably the first thing you will notice after using this product is the pain. Although as a man I lack the required experience, I'm going to estimate that using this product is at least eleven times more painful than childbirth.
Imagine sticking a rusty razor blade into your favourite eye, before tying your hands behind your back. Then imagine that you use the entrenched razor blade to slice open a raw onion. All the while being butt naked. This product is slightly more painful than that.
However if we ignore the blinding, crippling and debilitating pain I should point out that this product is remarkably effective. Before, all manner of organisms great and small lived down there, now nothing can grow; not even on a cellular level. Sadly this includes my genitalia; I've spent the last four hours staring fixedly at Carol Vorderman's arse, all to no avail. My tinkywinkleton hasn't even so much as perked up, so if my review seems a bit harsh, it's only because I wanted children.
All in all an effective and reasonably priced product - 3 Stars.